The Fragile Ordinary

The verbal abuse continued for the next few weeks, and both Tobias and I had to change our phone numbers because Stevie clearly had shared them with his delinquent friends. I’d gotten one-word texts calling me every insult under the sun, and they’d tried to taunt Tobias into a fight by saying ugly things about me, his mum and even his dad.

It was awful.

Vicki wanted us to report it, but Tobias and I had both agreed to just give it a little more time. Despite everything, we didn’t want to get Stevie in trouble, holding on to hope that our friend was still buried under all that callousness. Plus, neither of us had much faith in the adults in our lives, and I knew that made us reluctant to speak up, too.

Tobias and Vicki refused to let me out of their sight. If I wasn’t with one of them I was with the other. I dreaded school.

I dreaded it in a way I couldn’t believe I dreaded it. It was even worse than the days of primary six and my teacher from hell, even worse than Heather’s petty stunts. What I hated most was not knowing what was going to happen when I got to school. Would it be words meant to shame and humiliate me? Or would it finally progress and become physical? I had to hope Stevie would never allow that to happen, but I had to wonder if he was just too far gone to care anymore.

The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach never left me as I waited apprehensively for their next move.

Our bullies were taking a toll on my and Tobias’s burgeoning relationship. Some might say he was just handling me with care, but it felt like he’d put this wall up between us when it came to being romantic with each other. His kisses were never more than quick pecks on the lips, and when he held me he could have been a brother hugging his sister. I was starting to seriously worry that he’d decided he didn’t want me anymore. It would be understandably difficult for him to broach the subject, considering what we’d put ourselves through to be together.

I wanted to talk with him about it.

But I was scared of what he might say.

The words were on the tip of my tongue as Tobias lay sprawled on my bed with our Spanish homework scattered in front of us. In true Scottish winter fashion, it was stormy outside with the wind lashing rain against my window. I was lying next to Tobias, with my elbow bent and my head supported in the palm of my hand. I chewed on a pen, studying his handsome face as he frowned at the essay he was working on.

His phone buzzed between us, jolting me out of my anxious musings. He flicked it open and the corners of his mouth turned up a little. “Who is it?” I blurted out, envious of anyone who could make him smile.

“Luke Macintyre.”

I nodded. Luke was in the year above us and he was on the rugby team. “What does he want?”

Tobias shrugged, putting his phone back down. “He was just inviting me to go hang out with him and some of the team.”

Never wanting to be the kind of girl who would stop him from seeing his friends, I insisted he should go. He shook his head.

“Tobias, I’m fine.”

His gaze met mine, his filled with way more worry than a teenage boy’s should be. “You say that but I know it’s not true.”

Frustrated by his belief that I couldn’t handle myself I sat up. “Look, are things great right now? No. They are not. But—and I really appreciate it, I do—I don’t need twenty-four-hour surveillance and protection. I’m in my room, safe and sound.”

He grinned at my exasperation. “Have you ever considered that I might just prefer hanging out with you?”

I rolled my eyes at his teasing and shoved him playfully, but Tobias grabbed my hand before I could pull back, and he tugged on it. When I fell against him with a startled laugh, surprise and heat flashed through me when his lips came down on mine and he kissed me.

Really kissed me this time.

When I touched my tongue against his, his groan vibrated deliciously into my mouth and I whimpered a little, needing him closer. Our papers crinkled beneath us as Tobias rolled into me, his strong body pressing mine to my mattress. My hands curled in his hair as I willed his hands to move from my waist. Anywhere. Everywhere. I just wanted him to touch me. Trying to encourage some wickedness, I shifted my leg over his hip so he shifted deeper against me.

Even though I felt him react, the next second he was off me, sitting up on the bed, trying to catch his breath.

I lay there, my arms suspended in the air where his head had been, wondering what on earth had happened.

He’d stopped.

“Why?” I huffed, sitting up and smoothing my sweater down.

“What?” He wouldn’t look at me.

It was bad enough not knowing what I was walking into at school every day, but not knowing whether my boyfriend really wanted to be with me was the last straw. “Do you not fancy me?”

Tobias whipped around to look at me, incredulity written all over his face. “What? Comet, why would you say that?”

I blushed, mortified by my insecurities. “Well... I just...”

He grabbed my hand, pressing it against his chest where I could feel his heart’s speedy thud. “Of course I do. Believe me—” his eyes smoldered as they wandered lazily over my face and body “—I do. You’re beautiful.”

I blushed again, this time from the compliment. He’d never called me beautiful before.

He groaned, touching my hot cheek. “And even more so when you do that. Why would you think otherwise?”

Still confused I explained, “You never seem to want to kiss me, never mind do anything else.”

“I kiss you all the time,” he argued.

“Without tongue,” I boldly and indignantly snapped.

The idiot looked ready to burst into laughter. “Okay...”

“I’m being serious, Tobias. You peck me on the lips now and then but you never seem to want to do more. I’m not made of glass. I’m not...” I bit my lip and looked away, hearing the taunts again. “I’m not frigid like they say I am.”

Tobias shifted closer to me, eyebrows drawn together. “I know. What they’re saying...it is getting to me, just not like you think. I try to ignore them even though I want to teach them a lesson they won’t forget. But I want everything to be good for us here, and I want that more than I want to pummel Jimmy’s face in. I hate the way they talk about us, about you. I worry about how it makes you feel...and I didn’t want to make the wrong move or seem like I was pushing for all the stuff that those guys are talking about. I want you to be ready, and I don’t want anyone’s crap messing up how we feel when we’re together like that.”

His explanation was the loveliest, most thoughtful explanation I could have hoped for. And it also made me realize I’d been kind of a self-absorbed brat. I wasn’t the only one affected by the bullying. I sometimes forgot to look past the big, tall, strong guy who had seemed invulnerable that first day I ever saw him. I knew better. And I was guilty of being a bad girlfriend.

“I’m sorry they made you feel like that.” I inched closer to him, leaning my chin on his shoulder. He was staring at a spot on my wall, the muscle in his jaw popping. That alone should have told me how bothered he was by the guys and their stupid comments. The sweep of his jawline was sharp, masculine and angular and just one of a few reasons Tobias looked older than sixteen. His handsomeness never ceased to affect me, and every day that he showed me how gorgeous he was on the inside, he grew more beautiful to me on the outside, too. Something I’d been longing to ask him prodded at me until I couldn’t contain it any longer. “Can I ask you something?”

He turned to look at me, our noses inches apart. “You can ask me anything.”

“Have you... I mean...rumor has it you and Heather...well...slept together.” The words tasted bitter leaving my mouth.

Shaking his head before pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of my nose, he said, “Never.”

Relief flooded me. I think I could bear the thought of him having had sex with anyone but Heather. Although her bullying seemed like small change compared to Stevie’s crew, I’d still never forgive her for picking on me all those years ago, no matter her reasons.

“Have you...had sex, though? With the girl you used to date back in Raleigh?”