The Fragile Ordinary

When Tobias came into the room I was already settled on the bed with my notes spread out on his duvet. He kicked off his shoes and got on the bed, swiping his notes off his bedside table. He was quiet and broody again.

“Kieran is cute,” I said, attempting to break the silence.

His expression softened a little. “Yeah, he’s a funny kid.”

“He seems to like you.”

“What’s not to like?”

I rolled my eyes, and this time Tobias chuckled. “Not so shy anymore, huh?”

And just like that I blushed, making him laugh harder. Pretending to scowl, I stared ferociously at my notes, trying to remember where we’d left off the night before.

“You’re cute when you blush.”

My gaze flew up at that comment, my heart suddenly pounding. Tobias was staring intently at his notes, like he hadn’t just given me a compliment. A compliment that had the blood whooshing in my ears and flooding my cheeks. When he refused to meet my stare, I looked back down at the papers in front of me.

“I think we’re on the fifth soliloquy, right?” he said, as if he hadn’t called me cute.

Deciding it was best for my mental state to go along with the pretense, I cleared my throat. “Right.”

As we worked, the easiness fled and it wasn’t because of Tobias’s offhand compliment. It was because of my reaction to it. Steph or Vicki would have said something coy or flirty back, and the compliment would have been forgotten as the conversation continued. But not me. I didn’t know how to react, and I overanalyzed and wondered if he really meant it or if he was messing with me. Then I started to think he really was messing with me and how mean that was!

I exhausted myself trying to focus on our presentation and mentally berate Tobias at the same time.

Almost two hours later my belly was growling in hunger when the bedroom door suddenly flew open and Stevie was there with an annoying smirk on his face. “I thought Mum was havin’ a laugh when she said ye were in here with Comet Caldwell.”

Tobias scowled. “We’re working on stuff for English.”

“Aye, very good.” Stevie sauntered over to me and smiled in his cocky, cheeky way. “Awright, Comet?”

“Stevie,” I mumbled, looking down at my notes.

“I thought you were out with Jimmy and the guys?” Tobias said.

“Aye, I was. I got bored without ye, mate.”

“That’s sweet,” Tobias teased. “But...kinda working here.”

“I can see that.”

I glanced up at the suggestive tone in Stevie’s words. But he was frowning, looking down at our notebooks and copies of Hamlet. “Maybe I can help? Anything is better than listening tae Forrester go on aboot that bird he tagged at the weekend.”

Tobias chuckled. “Why not? But if you’re helping, you’re bringing us snacks.”

“Munchie patrol.” Stevie rubbed his hands together gleefully. “On it.”

The thought of having to hang out with Tobias and Stevie freaked me out. “Actually...we’re uh...we’re almost done here. I can type up what we have and then we can finish the rest at school.” Earlier, while Tobias was talking to Carole, I’d emptied my bag on the bed. Now I began shoving everything I thought was mine back into it.

There was silence at my abrupt announcement, and although I was looking at them, I was pretty sure they were throwing each other bemused looks. Ignoring that suspicion, I stood up, still avoiding their gaze.

“I’ll walk you home,” Tobias said, getting up quickly.

“Oh no, I can walk it alone. It’s still light out.”

“I’ll come with ye,” Stevie said.

“No-no, it’s really okay.”

When neither answered, I glanced up to find Tobias looking between Stevie and me with a crease between his brows. I glanced at Stevie. He was eyeing me, like he was trying to work out something about me.

“Okay. See you.”

I was almost at the front door when I heard the heavy footfalls behind me, and looked over my shoulder to see Tobias following me. He wore a no-nonsense expression.

“I’m walking you at least to the High Street. No arguments.”

Since I had a feeling he might stalk me all the way to Porty High Street, which was minutes from my house, I gave in.

This time our walk was even quieter than the night before. And instead of hearing him say You’re welcome, Comet over and over in my head as I tried to fall asleep that night, I heard his voice on repeat telling me I was cute when I blushed.

* * *

I was nervous about going to school the next day for a different reason. Whereas yesterday I hadn’t wanted to spend more time with Tobias, now I was worried he was going to avoid me. He’d been really weird and distant while walking me home.

What had I done?

And why did I care?

It turned out I had worse things to worry about than Tobias ignoring me. First, Assistant Rector Mr. Jenkins saw me in the halls and quietly asked me to return home at lunchtime to change out of my gold striped socks—the fascist. Second...well...the second thing was a doozy.

Three days out of the week we had a seventh period. Thursday and Friday were everyone’s favorite days because we had only six periods and school ended fifty minutes earlier. Those fifty minutes were supposed to be filled with extracurricular activities and homework sessions. Can you guess how many pupils used it as such?

Wednesday was already kind of rubbish for the mere fact that it was a Wednesday. Plus, I had two free periods after lunch but then English seventh period, so I couldn’t just go home. Instead I did all my homework in the library during my free periods. I didn’t mind it too much, because seventh period was English.

That was...until the second thing hit.

Tobias King.

Not avoiding me.

And it was so much more than just not avoiding me. It was the total opposite of not avoiding me.

There were butterflies in my belly as I took my seat in English, ignoring Steph’s giggle and Vicki’s pointed look. Tobias wasn’t there yet, thank goodness. Steph would have teased me even more if she’d known his voice had kept me awake for a good part of the night.

I was attempting to study Hamlet, waiting for everyone to filter into class, and pretending not to be aware when a shadow fell over me and the chair beside me scraped backward. This pretense would have continued if Tobias hadn’t settled into his seat and slapped a familiar notebook on top of the open pages of my copy of Hamlet.

Confusion was my foremost emotion.

“You left this at my place last night. I found it under the bed.”

And then understanding dawned and with it...ultimate mortification. It must have fallen off the bed after I’d emptied my bag.

The notebook was no ordinary notebook. It was by Paperblanks, made of sewn leather and dyed a gorgeous shade of teal. All my notebooks were Paperblanks. They were expensive but looked so beautiful together on my bookshelves that I didn’t mind the dent in my allowance.

However, this notebook contained the ramblings of my teenage mind. My poetry.

Apparently Tobias King had been in possession of my private, innermost thoughts in rhyme since yesterday. I felt so shaken and vulnerable that I might as well have been sitting in class naked.

There were thoughts in that book that no one knew I had. No one. My thoughts. My own. And this boy who was practically a stranger...

I shuddered, fighting the desire to burst into tears. Instead I curled my fingers tight around the book and reached for my bag. Without looking at Tobias, I shuffled the notebook into my bag out of sight, as if the action would erase the book from his memory.

Maybe he hadn’t read it...

I winced at the naive wishful thinking.

Of course he’d read it.

Oh God, what if Stevie had read it, too? They shared a room, after all!

“I—”

“Act Three Scene One, today.” Mr. Stone strode into the room, cutting off whatever Tobias was going to say to me.

My cheeks felt like they were on fire and as I moved to pull Hamlet closer to me, my fingers trembled. I thought I heard Tobias release an aggravated sigh. In an effort to block out everything about him, I hunched around my copy of the play and thanked my decision to leave my hair down today. It acted as a curtain, falling across my face, hiding my burning cheeks from him and everyone else.