The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders

I lived many days here under the utmost horror of soul; I had death, as

it were, in view, and thought of nothing night and day, but of gibbets

and halters, evil spirits and devils; it is not to be expressed by

words how I was harassed, between the dreadful apprehensions of death

and the terror of my conscience reproaching me with my past horrible

life.

The ordinary of Newgate came to me, and talked a little in his way, but

all his divinity ran upon confessing my crime, as he called it (though

he knew not what I was in for), making a full discovery, and the like,

without which he told me God would never forgive me; and he said so

little to the purpose, that I had no manner of consolation from him;

and then to observe the poor creature preaching confession and

repentance to me in the morning, and find him drunk with brandy and

spirits by noon, this had something in it so shocking, that I began to

nauseate the man more than his work, and his work too by degrees, for

the sake of the man; so that I desired him to trouble me no more.

I know not how it was, but by the indefatigable application of my

diligent governess I had no bill preferred against me the first

sessions, I mean to the grand jury, at Guildhall; so I had another

month or five weeks before me, and without doubt this ought to have

been accepted by me, as so much time given me for reflection upon what

was past, and preparation for what was to come; or, in a word, I ought

to have esteemed it as a space given me for repentance, and have

employed it as such, but it was not in me. I was sorry (as before) for

being in Newgate, but had very few signs of repentance about me.

On the contrary, like the waters in the cavities and hollows of

mountains, which petrify and turn into stone whatever they are suffered

to drop on, so the continual conversing with such a crew of hell-hounds

as I was, had the same common operation upon me as upon other people.

I degenerated into stone; I turned first stupid and senseless, then

brutish and thoughtless, and at last raving mad as any of them were;

and, in short, I became as naturally pleased and easy with the place,

as if indeed I had been born there.

It is scarce possible to imagine that our natures should be capable of

so much degeneracy, as to make that pleasant and agreeable that in

itself is the most complete misery. Here was a circumstance that I

think it is scarce possible to mention a worse: I was as exquisitely

miserable as, speaking of common cases, it was possible for any one to

be that had life and health, and money to help them, as I had.