The Ending I Want
Page 82“Which was?”
“Marriage. Kate knew that I had abandonment issues. She knew I didn’t want her to leave. And she also knew I didn’t want to get married. Not to her or anyone. I’d always been clear on that. Still, she was always bringing it up, hinting about it. And I was always avoiding the subject. So, she threatened to leave me to get what she wanted. But I just couldn’t see that at the time.”
“But you asked her to marry you when you didn’t want to. You must have loved her, Liam, to sacrifice your own wants like that.”
He shakes his head. “I thought I was losing her. And, back then…I didn’t want to lose Kate. Things with her…they were easy. Comfortable. Safe. I guess that was the problem all along. But, back then, I needed the stability she was offering me. So, I knee-jerked and asked her to marry me to make her stay.” His gaze lowers as he lets out a soft breath. “I guess…I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to come home every night after work to an empty apartment.”
I can understand that.
“And she stayed?”
He lets out a humorless laugh. “Yeah. And, like the idiot I was, I couldn’t see that I’d just been manipulated. If Kate had really wanted to leave me, if I’d made her that unhappy, then she’d have left, no matter what I’d said. But she stayed. Why? I’ll never know. Sure, I had money, but no more than her family had back then, and most of mine was invested in the business. I didn’t have the money I have now.”
How can he think that? That someone would want him only for his money. How can he not see his own worth?
“But after I asked her to marry me, she was the happiest I’d seen her in a long time. Yeah, I guess that made me feel good, like I’d done something right for once. And things were good for a while. Kate was planning the wedding, and I was working hard to grow the business.” He rubs his hand over his face. “Deep down, I knew that marrying someone I wasn’t in love with wasn’t the best idea, but I wasn’t ready to lose another person from my life. I might not have been in love with her, but Kate was my friend. I guess, at the time, she was my best friend—or so I’d thought.”
He lets out a laugh. It’s not humorous. It’s tortured.
“She died.”
Then, I remember that night in the pub and Cam saying something about a funeral…Kate’s funeral. Shit, how did I not remember that?
Oh God.
His fiancée. And his mother.
They both died.
And I’m dying.
He might not love me like he did them. But he does care about me.
I can’t hurt him.
“Liam…I’m so sorry.” I reach out and wrap my hand around his wrist.
What am I sorry for? My own betrayal? Or their deaths?
Both, I think.
He stares down at my hand on his arm. Then, his eyes flick back to mine. “Don’t be. I’m not. I know that sounds harsh, and I am sorry that Kate died, for her and her family. But the Kate I thought I knew wasn’t the person she was. The Kate who told me she loved me. The Kate who wanted to marry me. Yeah, I didn’t bury that Kate. I buried Kate, the liar. Kate, the cheat.” His eyes move from mine. “She’d been having an affair with Jeremy.” His eyes come back to mine. “And not just a one-off fling. They’d been sleeping together pretty much from the time she and I’d gotten together.”
“Jesus Christ.” The breath rushes out of me.
“Six years, I was with her. Six years, she was sleeping with him and lying to me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“No, Liam.” I stare into his eyes. “I mean, I don’t understand how someone could have you and want anything else. That doesn’t make sense to me.”
Something flickers in his eyes, and it has my heart beating faster. But it’s gone as quickly as it appeared, and he’s no longer looking at me.
“Clearly, I wasn’t enough for Kate. Maybe she wanted Jeremy right from the start. Maybe I was a way to get close to him. I don’t know. What I do know is, Jeremy wasn’t willing to give her the things she could get me to give her—marriage…and kids as well, I’m assuming. She always was good at manipulating me into giving her what she wanted. Apparently, she was in love with both of us—or so she claimed.”
“How did you find out?”
“If you’re thinking Kate or Jeremy told me, then you’d be wrong. If she were still alive now, I’d probably be the dumb fuck who knew nothing—married to her, giving her half of everything I’d worked hard for. And she’d have still been fucking him. No, I found out after she died. The night before her funeral.”
“Jesus, Liam.” I can’t think of anything else to say.
“It was six months before we were supposed to get married. She’d gone to Switzerland on a skiing trip with her girlfriends. I was in America at the time—Boston, of all places.” He looks at me. “I was setting up the office we have there for the airline. I got the call in the early hours of the morning. She was an experienced skier, but she took a hard turn. She fell off a ravine. She broke her neck. They say she died instantly.
“I flew straight there. I packed up her things in her hotel room, but I didn’t go through them. I just packed, and then I left. I arranged everything else. I brought her body back home, so her parents could bury her.