The Certainty of Violet & Luke

I nod, my gaze drifting back and forth between the stairway and him. ‘Yeah, if Violet’s ready to go … then okay.’

He wavers, tucking his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. ‘You gonna be okay here alone for a few minutes?’

‘What? Are we babysitting each other now?’ I question, when really I probably do need babysitting right now.

He seems torn, glancing over his shoulder at the staircase, in the direction I keep glancing in. It’s clear what I’m looking at and it’s clear he’s going to stick around if I don’t reassure him that I’m not going to go chasing down my addiction.

‘It’s fine,’ I say, signaling for him to go. ‘I’ll sit here and save the table.’

He wavers then nods before disappearing into the crowd of dancing, sweaty people. I’d like to say that it takes me a few minutes to get up and head over, but it’s really only about ten seconds, getting to my feet the moment Kayden’s out of sight. I have every intention of doing it, tracking down the waitress and coaxing her into giving me a shot. I don’t like myself for needing to do it, but old habits – addictions – are hard to break. I just want to feel my body burn into numbness, just one more time. One more time, I keep telling myself.

I’m halfway there when I spot Violet in center of the crowd. I don’t even know how I see her, since there’s so many damn people packed in a small space. Yet she manages to appear, the throng parting for the slightest moment, just enough to give me a glimpse of her dancing and laughing, so free at that moment, so beautiful. Violet’s always talking about destiny and I’ve never been too sure on where I lie on the whole concept that maybe we’re not in complete control of our lives, but right now I’m wondering if maybe it does exists and that maybe my destiny is in her.

What am I doing?

Seriously, what the f**k am I doing, f**king this up?

I don’t want this – want to be that person again.

I don’t want to lose what I have.

Just like that, I’m pulled toward her, magnetized by an unseen force that I’ll never be able to explain. I move away from the stairway, the waitress, the alcohol and push my way through the crowd, my eyes fixed on where I saw her. Every once and a while, there’s enough of a gap in the sea of bodies that I get a glimpse of her green eyes, red and black hair, and that f**king sexy as hell leather dress she’s wearing. It keeps me traveling in the right direction and farther away from the wrong. The music is throbbing as I move up behind her. She doesn’t see me first, only feels the touch of my hands as I put them on her waist. She must sense it’s me, because she sinks into the touch without saying a word.

Then she peeks over her shoulder with a wicked grin on her face. ‘Glad you could join me.’ She winks then starts to really dance.

I’d almost forgotten how amazing the way she moves is, not too much or too little, the perfect amount of rhythm and sway of her h*ps that makes her ass brush up against my c**k just right amount. I go rock hard within just a few moments as I move with her, allowing my hands to travel up and down her hips, her sides, her br**sts. There are people everywhere – Seth, Greyson, Kayden and Callie included. But as far as I care, it’s just Violet and me out there. The rest of the room is just a blur.

We dance this way forever, through the entire concert, becoming sweaty, breathless, and f**king turned on more than I ever have been. Neither of us seems in any rush to stop, our bodies welded together, refusing to break this strange, destiny induced bond we’ve stumbled upon. Kayden and Callie bail out pretty early, while Greyson and Seth stick around with Violet and I. Eventually the large throng of people starts to dwindle into a small crowd. Before I know it, we’re pretty much the only ones left on the dance floor. Still, we don’t stop moving, lost in some sort of moment where only the two of us exist.

Eventually Greyson announces that it’s time to go. ‘It’s getting late,’ he says, checking the time on his phone.

Seth frowns as he continues to dance but then gives in. ‘Fine, you win this one.’

Violet and I dance for a little bit longer then holding hands, follow them the front door and hang with the rest of the loiters while Seth goes to get the car. The air feels electric, like there’s a lightning storm nearby, except sky is clear, full of stars and the moon shining brightly.

A minute or two of waiting and my hands are all over Violet again, unable to stop myself from touching her. Somewhere between touching her h*ps and sucking on her neck, she turns around and presses her lips to mine. I grab her ass and pull her against me as her fingers slide up my chest, loop around the back of my neck. She lets out a groan as I give her hair a gentle tug to tip her head back and then my tongue slips deeply into her mouth, moaning at the taste of her. With each touch, each brush of our tongues, each moan, the crappy thoughts I was trying to sort through earlier dissipates into nothing. Nothing else matters. All my focus is on her, the amazing taste of her, the incredible scent of her skin and feel of the heat of her body. And the little sound she makes as I spin us around and back us up against the building is enough for me to verge on losing it, right here on the side of the road.

But I manage to keep myself contained, pulling her closer, kissing her with everything I have in me. This is what I want. This is where I want to be.

‘Luke.’ She gasps between kisses, her legs moving restlessly around as if she can’t figure out what to do with them. Finally, she hitches one over my hip and grinds her h*ps against mine. I respond with the same movement, pressing up against her as I move my mouth away from hers to place kisses down her jawline, her neck, to the base of her throat where I lick a path toward her br**sts.

‘Um, guys.’ I hear Greyson clear his throat from somewhere behind us, but I disregard him as my hand travels up Violet’s thigh to the bottom of her dress.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

‘Hello, as much as everyone’s enjoying the live  p**n  show, it’s time to go!’ Seth hollers.

I’m not one to get embarrassed. Neither is Violet. Which is why it takes us a few more touches and kisses before we reluctantly break apart. I don’t move too far away from her, slipping my fingers through hers as we head toward the Camry parked near the curb.

‘Jesus,’ Greyson says after we’ve all gotten in the car. ‘I thought they were going to f**k right there on the street.’

Seth glances at me in the rearview mirror and gives me this knowing look. Seth has known me since my man-whore days and knows that I’ve never acted this way before with a woman, so uncontrolled. A little while ago, his insinuating looks would have pissed me off, but now I shrug them. This is the freest Violet and I have ever been. Usually there’s this distance between us, even when we’re close. But right now, that look in her eyes I’ve seen so many times – the look that means she’s using sex and kissing me as a distraction – is gone. Instead all I see is want.

Desire.

Need.

Lust.

It almost matches how I’m feeling, except for maybe one more thing on my part, something I don’t dare utter, not wanting to f**k up and scare the shit out of her again. So I keep my undying and eternally devoted thoughts to myself and go back to kissing Violet in the backseat, glad with the choices I made tonight.

Glad I chose her over everything else.

Chapter 21

Violet

He’s all over me, his hands touching every inch on my body, his lips struggling not to follow since we’re in the back of a car with Seth and Greyson in the front seat. But once we get into our room, all bets are off as the little lust we’ve been holding inside us combusts. He rips my dress off immediately, then yanks my boots and tears my tights off, so I’m lying in the bed with nothing but a lacy black bra and panties on. The lamp is on so I can see the look in his eyes as he stares down at me. It’s a look of pure lust, want, and something else. Something that makes me extremely uncomfortable and makes me want to run to the tallest building I can find.

Like I’m something he wants to keep.

Savor.

Love.

Keep safe.

For a second, I feel all those things, like he’s wrapped me in his emotions and they become part of me. It sends a jolt of undiluted terror through my body and makes my eyes dart to the door.

Run, Violet, run!

I quickly forget all about running though as he slips out of his jacket and shirt then covers my body with his. His warmth is like a blanket, the kind that makes me feel safe and protected and so much more. The warmth only grows as he kicks his jeans and boxers off and slips inside me. I don’t even know what’s happening, but every rock of his hips, brush of his hands, how he seems to be touching every inch of me at once, makes me feel like I’m shattering inside, in a way that I don’t quite understand. And when he looks at me, I swear I feel whole again, like he picked up all the pieces that just shattered and mended them together again.

I feel breathless.

I feel raw.

I feel like I’m falling and all I can do is hold onto him and never let go as he pushes me toward the edge of oblivion. And we continue to move with each other, grasping onto one another, breathless, afraid.

Afraid of letting go completely.

Afraid of what I feel.

But I can’t stop myself and I lose it as I feel myself veering toward the end of the fall. He kisses me through it, holds on tight while I break apart and in the middle of it all, I swear I hear him whisper, ‘I love you.’ But it’s so faint and I’m so far lost in my fall that I can’t be certain. Still, it overwhelms me that maybe he does care for me that much, that maybe he does love me. The idea that someone could causes tears to sting the corner of my eyes as I finally crash and shatter all over again. But I manage to suck them back before Luke notices, his breathing hot against my neck as he lies still inside me.

I hear him sigh, even though I don’t think I was meant to hear it, then he pushes back, sweeps my hair away from my damp forehead, and looks me directly in the eye.

‘Tonight was amazing,’ he says then gives me a soft but meaningful kiss.

I’m trying to stay calm, but I’m losing my shit. Something is going on inside me and I don’t know what it is. Or maybe I do and that’s what’s really scaring me.

‘Such a softy,’ I tease, but my voice sounds all wrong, all ragged and breathless.

He smiles, but there’s confusion in his eyes as he senses my off tone.

‘I had fun too,’ I quickly add then kiss him before he can asks questions. If he asks, then I might tell the truth and I’m not ready for the truth yet.

Still looking lost, he slips out of me, then rolls over to the pillow. ‘Jesus, it’s almost two o’clock,’ he mutters when he picks up his phone.

‘You should get some sleep,’ I say. ‘Big game tomorrow.’

He nods, but he’s looking at me like he can read me like an open book. ‘Are you still coming to that?’

I shift on the pillow. ‘Of course.’

He gives me a weary, but content smile, then yawns and moments later he’s passed out in dreamland. About an hour later, I’m still wide-awake and my mind is racing so fast and so wildly it feels like I’m on crank or something. Everything’s all jumbled in my head and I can barely make sense of it, but what I do make sense of cracks me to the core.

Love.

Love.

Love.

It’s an echo in my head, programmed on repeat, a hauntingly beautiful melody I can’t get rid of. I saw it in Luke’s eyes tonight, but that’s not what’s scaring me. I already knew he felt this way, although I don’t think I took in the full meaning until now. Understood what it – I – meant to him. But what was really terrifying is that for the briefest, heart-splitting, air ripped from my lungs, can’t think, breathe, or process anything, moment, I swear my eyes reflected what was in his. It happened so quickly that my mind is still trying to catch up with it. Either that or I’m in denial.

I watch Luke sleep for the longest time, listening to his soft breathing. The longer I observe him, the more I’m convinced that I’ve either finally lost my goddamn mind or I’m stupidly and foolishly in love with this guy lying next to me.

‘No, it’s not possible,’ I mutter to myself, rubbing my chest as emotions stir inside me, powerful, potent, too much. ‘I’m not supposed to fall in love. I don’t even know what the f**k it is.’ I throw the blankets off me and climb out of bed. I have no initial plans of where I’m going – out is as far as I’ve gotten – when I spot one of the photos from the box sticking out from under the bed. I’d made a mess the last time I put it under there and never cleaned it up. Bending down, I pick it up, then find myself smiling. It’s of my mother and father, her in his arms, wearing her wedding dress. She looks so happy and I feel kind of happy seeing her like that. I’d always had this thought that looking at these photos was going to tear what little of my heart that was left and I was going to bleed dry. But that’s not what’s happen at the moment. No, I feel strangely calm.

Instead of going out of the room, like I’d planned on doing, I get back in bed with the photo in my hand. I don’t snuggle up to Luke like I usually do, not wanting to bring the emotions that I’ve managed to lullaby to sleep out again without harming myself. I trace each line, each shade, every aspect of their happy faces in the picture, engraining the image of them into my mind.

‘This is what I wish I could remember you like,’ I whisper to myself as I grasp onto the photo over my beating heart. I visualize the picture in my head, hoping that when I shut my eyes this is how I will see them, instead of the last time that I saw them. That for once my dreams might be filled with happiness instead of sheer terror.