The Certainty of Violet & Luke

‘What do I look like? A sugar junkie?’ I ask, but then take the cupcake anyway. ‘Thanks.’

Greyson shakes his head at me with a smile touching his lips. ‘See you in a bit, sugar junkie.’

I wave goodbye to him then follow Luke out to the truck, feeling my guard go up the moment I step out the door as lasts night’s events race through my mind. As if Luke senses my panic, he threads his fingers through mine and holds onto me tightly until we’re safely in his truck.

He drives down the road as I munch on the cupcake, staring at the houses and stores lining the roads. Everything is splashed in oranges, blacks, and purples. Fake witches and skeletons and cobwebs cover the inside and outside of buildings.

‘I’ve never been into holidays,’ I divulge to Luke as I take another bite full of frosting.

‘Really?’ he asks me, although he doesn’t seem too surprised.

I shrug, peeling the paper of the cupcake down lower. ‘It’s probably because I’ve never celebrated them. I never had costumes for Halloween, unless I wanted to make them on my own, which I never did because I never had anyone to take me out to get candy. I did the Thanksgiving a few times, but family dinners were usually awkward for the outcast and nonmember of the family clan. Then Christmas … I hate Christmas. There was nothing jolly about it all when I was younger … I mean after my parents …’ I swallow hard as I pick at the cupcake and emotions well inside me, so I have to clear my throat. ‘Yeah, but I can remember getting a single present one time from one of the families, that actually seemed great when I opened it. A pretty silver ring ornament with a violet stone that was surrounded by these little onyx gems. It was so beautiful and was perfect for the fourteen year old gothic version of me.’

That gets Luke to smile. ‘I can totally picture you all dressed in black and covered in studs.’

‘Yeah, I pulled it off pretty well. The ring would have looked totally kicks ass too, but yeah, about five minutes after I got the ring, Mrs Fairly informed me that she’d given me the wrong present, took it away, and gave the ring to her daughter. My real present ended up being new socks.’ I stop talking, my heart knocking inside my very long confessional. ‘Yeah, sorry about the sad, pity party story. I don’t know what got into me.’ I glance down at the cupcake. What the hell did Greyson put in this thing? Truth Serum?

Luke’s continues to drive down the road, mulling over something. ‘I hate holidays too,’ he admits, flipping his blinker on to turn off the main road. ‘We never really celebrated them right. For Halloween, we’d usually clean the house, although Kayden and I did go out trick or treating a few times. For Thanksgiving, if I was lucky, she’d let me and Amy cook a good meal or I’d get invited to one of my friends, but that’s when I was older. And Christmas …’ His mouth snaps shut, his knuckles turning white as he grips the steering wheel. ‘Let’s just say that Christmases were the worst.’

I feel like he’s giving me something in return for sharing my story, even if I really didn’t mean to. Stuffing the rest of the cupcake into my mouth, I slide across the seat toward him and hold my pinkie up. ‘You know what we should do? We should make a promise not to make a big deal of holidays.’

He considers what I said, glancing from my pinkie to my face. ‘You’ve never dressed up for Halloween and gone out trick or treating ever?’

I shake my head. ‘I’m sure I did when I was still with my parents, but the memories are too foggy to remember it – most of them are anyway,’ I say, my heart constricting in my chest at the painful reminder.

Instead of giving me a look of pity, determination fills his expression. ‘Then how about this? How about we celebrate the shit out of all the holidays. Every single Goddamn one. Every single year.’ When he stops at a stop sign, he turns to face me in the seat and lifts his pinkie in front of me. ‘What do you say? Are you in?’

I know his words have much bigger meaning than just celebrate a few holidays, but I’m not sure if I’m promising them to the full. Still, what he’s proposing sounds like something I’ve always wanted, but never let myself want, since I was about five years old. So I hook my pinkie with his and decide to give it a try. ‘Okay, Mr. Stoically Aloof, I’m in.’

Chapter 17

Violet

‘Oh my God, I think I’m going to die.’ I breathe through my nose because the smell of the mat I’m lying in is more pungent that spoiled eggs left out in the sun on a hot, muggy day. Seth is lying next to me, something he did after he declared he wasn’t a gym person either. Greyson, however, is, at least the kind that loves to run on treadmills, but I’m not too surprised, considering how cheery he was this morning about going.

Seth and I are hanging out on the mats, lying on our backs, staring up at the ceiling, the sound of clanking and grunting surrounding us. Callie’s doing some sort of kickboxing class, and Greyson’s on the bikes. There’s this super poppy song, with an upbeat beat and lyrics playing, and it makes me want to find the stereo and break it.

Nope, I’m not a morning person, something I’ve known for a while, but it’s been made clear to everyone that is graced with my presence today.

‘Give me some of your coffee,’ Seth playfully demands, reaching over me to steal my iced-latte.

I swat his arm. ‘No way. Get your own damn coffee.’

He lets out a frustrated grunt as he lies back down on the mat. ‘Greyson wouldn’t let us stop to get one. He said we were running late and that it was my fault therefore I had to go without coffee.’

‘Dude, he’s so hardcore,’ I joke, because Greyson is anything but that.

‘Totally,’ Seth agrees sarcastically.

Sighing, I sit up and offer him a sip of my coffee. ‘But don’t drink it all or I’ll have to kick your ass.’

He shoots me a doubtful look as he takes the coffee from my hand. ‘I highly doubt that. You may act a badass, but you’re so not.’

I eye him over purposefully. He’s wearing a plaid shirt with the sleeves fashionably rolled up to the elbows, dark jeans, and his hair is tousled and has these blondish highlights that look like he spent some time in a salon to get. But now I live with him I know that’s not the case, that they’re a-la-natural. He looks very Hipster, which would be fine except we’re at the gym. ‘Look who’s talking. You look like you’re getting ready to go to a concert instead of going the gym.’

‘Oh, speaking of concerts.’ Seth takes a long drink of the coffee then hands it back to me. ‘There’s an awesome one playing tonight at The Silver Moon Grill. No one huge or anything, but there’s a pretty good lineup. Plus, it’s freaking Halloween and it has a theme and everything. You should come.’

I look at him suspiciously. ‘Did Luke tell you to invite me?’ He seemed so set on getting me out of the house more that I have to wonder.

He looks lost. ‘No … I haven’t even told him about it.’ He pauses. ‘Why would you ask that?’

I shrug, sipping on my coffee. ‘It’s not like you invite me to hangout or anything. You only started talking to me civilly a couple of months ago.’ I wonder if it’s because he pities me with all the shit going on, although Seth doesn’t seem like a person who pities people a lot. He’s actually pretty blunt, which I can handle, but this morning he’s been tiptoeing around me, probably with what happened last night. If I were them I’d think about moving out with the girl who attracts the crazy. It’s not like I want them to; it just seems like it’d be safer and easier for them.

‘And vice-versa.’ He leans back against the wall and stretches out his legs in front of him. ‘You’re just as much of a drama mama as me honey.’

I sip my coffee then set it down on the mat. ‘I prefer the term interesting and never boring.’

‘That is not the same.’

‘Yeah, you’re probably right.’ I pause. ‘Why are you nice to me now, though.’

He shrugs again, staring at his shoes. ‘When I first met you, it seemed like you were a real bitch to Callie and kind of a whore, but after learning who you are, I realize my first observation was wrong.’

I am curious what he thinks of me now, but not enough to ask him. Deciding to change the subject, I put my legs out, doing a lame attempt at the splits, figuring I can at least pretend like I’m getting warmed up to do something. I’m wearing tight shorts and old t-shirt and my hair’s pulled up in a ponytail. ‘Fine, if you really want me to go to the concert, I will,’ I tell him. ‘As long as it’s after dinner with Luke’s dad and Trevor and Luke can come with me.’ I’m sure he will want to, since we promised to celebrate the shit out of holidays only a half an hour ago.

‘It doesn’t start till nine,’ he tells me. ‘And duh, I assumed you’d bring Luke with you. You two are attached at the h*ps now.’

Even though it’s true, his observation still catches me off guard. Lost in my thoughts, I stretch again, leaning forward into this awkward position. ‘God, why do people this – my face is pretty much level with my vagina.’

Seth laughs. ‘Well, you’re choosing to do it, so maybe you’re enjoying it.’

I flip him the middle finger without lifting my head. ‘Ha ha, you caught me.’ I stay in the same position, putting my hands on my legs, fingers wrapping around my thighs. ‘You know, I think I’m going to get a tat on the side of my thigh,’ I say more to myself than anything. ‘Something new.’ Yes, new would be good. Everything is old right now, connected to the past.

A shadow casts across me and then I hear Luke say, ‘What are you to doing?’ He sounds like he’s out of breath.

‘Oh just watching Violet touch herself,’ Seth answers amusedly. ‘And listening to her talk about self-infliction.’

‘Huh?’ Puzzlement floods Luke’s voice.

I roll my eyes at Seth as I sit up and Seth reciprocates my gesture with a smirk. ‘Nothing,’ I say, glancing up at very shirtless, sweaty, and I’ll admit, sexy Luke. ‘I was just talking about getting a tattoo. That’s all.’

‘Oh yeah, where would you get it?’ he asks curiously, still trying to catch his breath from the workout. I trace my finger up the side of my thigh, all the way up to my hip. His breathing grows quiet, maybe even stops as he tracks the path my finger made. ‘That’d be a nice spot.’ His voice is low, husky.

‘You think so?’ I ask, totally enjoying the fact that he’s turned on by this. That and the fact that it’s a normal moment right now. It’s been a while and seems to be coming from nowhere, but I’m going to take it and grasp onto it with all the strength that I have.

Luke nods, finally jerking his attention away from my hip and focusing on my eyes. ‘Definitely. And I’ll come with you when you get it.’

‘I don’t need my hand held.’ I bring my knees into my chest. ‘I know what’s up – it’s my fourth one.’

‘Oh, I’m not going to hold your hand.’ His gaze is sweltering to the point where I swear to God my skin starts to melt, but I can’t seem to look away. ‘That would be sexy as hell to watch,’ he says, his eyes dropping to my thigh again.

I want to tell him about every tattoo I plan on getting, just to keep that skin-melting look he’s giving me on his face.

But apparently Seth doesn’t agree. ‘Jesus, would you two let up with the eye-fucking.’

Luke gives Seth a harsh look and then shakes his head. ‘Anyway, I just came to see what you two were up to and that if everything was okay.’ There’s an underlying meaning in his tone – he’s worried about how I acted last night and wants to see if I’m okay.

I nod, letting him know that I’m fine, but really I have no clue what I’m feeling. Usually in these types of situations, I’d run to the nearest window and picture myself falling. Right before I hit the ground, I’d take my last breath. I want to really, really want to do it. Dreamt about it last night. Thought about the images repeatedly this morning, but between my choice to live in the water and making Luke a promise that I’d try to stop, I’m not going to.

He releases a stressed breath then nods. ‘Okay, but if you need be, come get me.’ He hitches a finger over his shoulder and points at one of the rooms. ‘Kayden and I switching rooms.’

I frown as I get to my feet. ‘You’re not done yet?’

He finds me amusing. ‘We’ve been here for a half of an hour.’

I fold my arms across my chest. ‘That’s a half of an hour too long if you ask me.’

Then gets him to laugh, even though I was being serious. ‘You’re cute.’ Then he gives me a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the ass before walking off.

I turn to Seth and raise my eyebrow. ‘What am I? One of his football buddies now?’

Seth looks up at me with this funny look on his face. ‘I think you’re pretty much the opposite for him.’

‘And what the hell’s the opposite of a football buddy? ‘

‘I don’t know … his lover.’ He shoots me a devious grin and waggles his eyebrows.

That strikes a nerve as I think about a couple of weeks ago and how Luke said he loved me and I realized that I have no idea what the f**k love is and how I felt bad that I couldn’t say it back to him. I want to at least understand it, but I have yet to figure out how to do so.