The Broad Highway

There are times (as I suppose) when the most aesthetic of souls

will forget the snow of lilies, and the down of a butterfly's

wing, to revel in the grosser joys of, say, a beefsteak. One

cannot rhapsodize upon the beauties of a sunset, or contemplate

the pale witchery of the moon with any real degree of poetic

fervor, or any degree of comfort, while hunger gnaws at one's

vitals, for comfort is essential to your aesthete, and, after

all, soul goes hand in hand with stomach.

Thus, I swung along the road beneath the swaying green of trees,

past the fragrant, blooming hedges, paying small heed to the

beauties of wooded hill and grassy dale, my eyes constantly

searching the road before me for some sign of the "Old Cock"

tavern. And presently, sure enough, I espied it, an ugly,

flat-fronted building, before which stood a dilapidated horse

trough and a battered sign. Despite its uninviting exterior, I

hurried forward, and mounting the three worn steps pushed open the

door. I now found myself in a room of somewhat uninviting aspect,

though upon the hearth a smouldering fire was being kicked into a

blaze by a sulky-faced fellow, to whom I addressed myself: "Can I have some breakfast here?" said I.

"Why, it's all according, master," he answered, in a surly tone.

"According to what?" said I.

"According to what you want, master."

"Why, as to that--" I began.

"Because," he went on, administering a particularly vicious kick

to the fire, "if you was to ask me for a French hortolon--or even

the 'ump of a cam-el--being a very truthful man, I should say--no."

"But I want no such things," said I.

"And 'ow am I to know that--'ow am I to know as you ain't set

your 'eart on the 'ump of a cam-el?"

"I tell you I want nothing of the sort," said I, "a chop would do--"

"Chop!" sighed the man, scowling threateningly at the fire, "chop!"

"Or steak," I hastened to add.

"Now it's a steak!" said the man, shaking his head ruefully, and

turning upon me a doleful eye, "a steak!" he repeated; "of

course--it would be; I s'pose you'd turn up your nose at 'am and

eggs--it's only to be expected."

"On the contrary," said I, "ham and eggs will suit me very well;

why couldn't you have mentioned them before?"

"Why, you never axed me as I remember," growled the fellow.