The Broad Highway

"What do you mean by 'ate an apple'?"

"I means as a tree can't tell a lie, or eat a apple, but a woman

can tell a lie--which she does--frequent, an' as for apples--"

"But--" I began.

"Eve ate a apple, didn't she?"

"The Scriptures say so," I nodded.

"An' told a lie arterwards, didn't she?"

"So we are given to understand."

"Very well then!" said the Pedler, "there y' are!" and he turned

to spit into the shadow again. "Wot's more," he continued,

"'twere a woman as done me out o' my birthright."

"How so?"

"Why, 'twere Eve as got us druv out o' the Gardin o' Eden,

weren't it? If it 'adn't been for Eve I might ha' been livin' on

milk an' 'oney, ah! an' playin' wi' butterflies, 'stead o' bein'

married, an' peddlin' these 'ere brooms. Don't talk to me o'

women, my chap; I can't abide 'em bah! if theer's any trouble

afoot you may take your Bible oath as theer's a woman about

some'eres--theer allus is!"

"Do you think so?"

"I knows so; ain't I a-'earin' an' a-seein' such all day, an'

every day--theer's Black Jarge, for one."

"What about him?"

"What about 'im!" repeated the Pedler; "w'y, ain't 'is life been

ruined, broke, wore away by one o' them Eves?--very well then!"

"What do you mean--how has his life been ruined?"

"Oh! the usual way of it; Jarge loves a gell--gell loves Jarge

--sugar ain't sweeter--very well then! Along comes another cove

--a strange cove--a cove wi' nice white 'ands an' soft, takin'

ways--'e talks wi' 'er walks wi' 'er--smiles at 'er--an' pore

Jarge ain't nowheeres--pore Jarge's cake is dough--ah! an' doughy

dough at that!"

"How do you come to know all this?"

"'Ow should I come to know it but from the man 'isself? 'Dick,'

says 'e" (baptismal name Richard, but Dick for short), "'Dick,'

says 'e, 'd'ye see this 'ere stick?' an' 'e shows me a good,

stout cudgel cut out o' th' 'edge, an' very neatly trimmed it

were too. 'Ah! I sees it, Jarge,' says I. 'An' d'ye see this

un?' says 'e, 'oldin' up another as like the first as one pea to

its fellow. 'Ah! I sees that un too, Jarge,' says I. 'Well,'

says Jarge, 'one's for 'im an' one's for me--'e can take 'is

chice,' 'e says, 'an' when we do meet, it's a-goin' to be one or

t' other of us,' 'e says, an' wot's more--'e looked it! 'If I

'ave to wait, an' wait, an' foller 'im, an' foller 'im,' says

Jarge, 'I'll catch 'im alone, one o' these fine nights, an' it'll

be man to man.'"