The Broad Highway

The Piper smiled, then, and, unwinding the plaid from his

shoulder, spread it upon the floor, and sat down.

"Ye maun ken," he began, "that I hae muckle love for the snuff,

an' snuff is unco expenseeve in these parts."

"Well?" said I.

"Ye maun ken, in the second place, that ma brither Alan canna'

abide the snuff."

"Your brother Alan!" said I wondering.

"Ma brither Alan," he nodded gravely.

"But what of him, what has he to do with--"

"Man, bide a wee. I'm comin' tae that."

"Go on, then," said I, "I'm listening."

"Weel, I'd hae ye tae ken I'm a braw, bonnie piper, an' ma

brither Alan, he's a bonnie piper too--no sic a fair graund piper

as me, bein' somewhat uncertain wi' his 'warblers,' ye ken, but a

bonnie piper, whateffer. Aweel, mebbe a year syne, I fell in

love wi' a lassie, which wad ha' been a' richt if ma brither Alan

hadna' fallen in love wi' her too, so that she, puir lassie,

didna' ken which tae tak'. 'Donal,' says Alan, 'can ye no love

anither lassie; she can no marry the twa o' us, that's sure!'

'Then, Alan,' says I, 'we'll juist play for her.' Which I think

ye'll own was a graund idee, only the lassie couldna' juist mak'

up her mind which o' us piped the best. So the end of it was we

agreed, ma brither Alan an' I, to pipe oor way through England

for a year, an' the man wha came back wi' the maist siller should

wed the lassie."

"And a very fair proposal," said I, "but--"

"Wheest, man! juist here's where we come to the snuff, for,

look ye, every time I bought a paper o' snuff I minded me that ma

brither Alan, not takkin' it himself, was so much siller tae the

gude--an'--oh, man! it used tae grieve me sair--till, one day, I

lighted on this bit hoosie."

"Well?" said I.

"What, d'ye no see it?"

"No, indeed," I answered.

"Eh, man! ma brither Alan doesna' buy the snuff, but he must hae

a roof tae shelter him an' a bed tae lie in o' nights, an' pay

for it too, ye ken, fourpence, or a bawbee, or a shillin', as the

case may be, whiles here I hae baith for the takkin'. An', oh,

man! many's the nicht I've slept the sweeter for thinkin' o'

that saxpence or shillin' that Alan's apartin' wi' for a bed

little better than mine. So, wishfu' tae keep this bit hoosie

tae mysel'--seein' 't was haunted as they ca' it--I juist kep'

up the illusion on account o' trampers, wanderin' gypsies, an'

sic-like dirty tykes. Eh! but 'twas fair graund tae see 'em

rinnin' awa' as if the de'il were after them, spierin' back o'er

their shoulders, an' a' by reason of a bit squeakie o' the pipes,

here. An' so, sir, ye hae it."