The Best Goodbye

Eleven years ago

I watched from a distance as Delany flirted with River. Because it would possibly get me kicked out of the house if a teacher noticed that River and I were a couple, we didn’t act any differently at school. I wanted to hold his hand, but we both knew that if someone told his parents, they’d move me out. Then I’d be sent to a home for girls until I was eighteen. Those had terrible reputations, and I’d never see River again.

The hardest thing was watching girls flirt with River. He never flirted back, and he always kept his distance, but it was still hard to watch. I wondered if he would start to hate me because his life was so hard with me in it. I didn’t want to be a burden to him, but I wasn’t helpful. His mother went crazy whenever I was around, so he had to keep me away from her. I couldn’t be a normal girlfriend, so he didn’t get to take me to parties, which meant he didn’t go to them, either.

Delany touched his chest, and I stopped breathing, watching and wishing I could walk away and trust him. But it was more than trust. I wanted to see his face. See if he wanted her, too. It was all I had to reassure me.

Those full lips of his that I loved to touch turned down in displeasure as he took her hand and removed it while backing away. I was too far from them to hear him, but he looked annoyed. The tightness in my chest that I knew was jealousy slowly faded, and I had started to turn to leave when his eyes locked with mine.

I was caught. I wished I’d left sooner. I didn’t like him thinking I spied on him. That was unfair, too. He didn’t need me watching his every move. The corners of his lips lifted, and he smirked at me, then started walking my way. I could run now, so I didn’t have to confront him, but I’d still have to face it later.

Delany called out to him, and he didn’t glance back. Her hateful gaze bored into me, before she turned on her heel and stalked off angrily. I didn’t mind if she thought River was with me. She wasn’t anyone who could hurt us.

“Enjoy the show?” he asked, his smirk softening with his words.

I felt my cheeks heat up and ducked my head, unable to look him in the eyes. I was guilty, and it was embarrassing. “Sorry. I was just walking by and saw you . . .” I trailed off.

His hand brushed mine, which was the only contact we dared to have at school other than talking. “You’re my girl, Addy. You know that. Don’t want no one else.” His voice was a low, husky whisper.

My insides felt warm. Only River made me feel like that. Before him, I didn’t know you could feel like a summer day was pulsing through every limb of your body, complete with sunshine and sweet lemonade.

“I know. I just . . . I was . . . I’m sorry,” I said finally. There was nothing else I could say. He knew why I’d watched him. I wasn’t going to lie.

River chuckled. “I figure if your girl is jealous, she wants you as much as you want her. If she stops being jealous, she wants someone else. I’ll take the jealousy. It’s sweet.”

Smiling, I looked up into his eyes. “I was going to say I wasn’t jealous, but if that’s how you see it, then I was incredibly jealous.” I whispered so no one else could hear me.

River winked. “Good. Because any guy who looks your way makes me see red. Let’s get to class.”

I walked beside him back into the hallway, with my chest so big and full of love it was a wonder it didn’t explode right there.

Captain

I sat on a bench just outside the Sugar Shack, watching for Addy’s car. I had gotten here ten minutes after she texted, knowing it could be an hour before they arrived, but I wasn’t going to let them get here first. I wanted this. I also needed to see Addy again, because I’d been a mess last night. I’d hardly been able to speak or make sense of anything; I’d been so distracted by her sitting across from me and knowing it was her.

After breaking shit and getting out my anger and frustration at how fucking unfair our lives had turned out, I was ready to see our daughter. I was ready to see her as mine. Knowing that we’d made a child during the brightest and happiest time of our lives somehow eased the bad memories. Franny made everything that had come after worth it.

I just wished I could have been there. The life Addy and I had imagined, cuddled together in her bed, would never happen, but at least I had this. I had a part of her that was mine, too. We shared something—no, we shared someone. The product of the only love I’d ever experienced.

The idea that Addy might have loved again felt like a butcher knife to the gut. There had been other women for me, but I’d never given my heart to anyone else. What if she had? What if I hadn’t been her only love, just her first? Could I deal with that kind of information? Fuck, no. I’d have to break more shit, because when it came to Addy, I was irrational.

I noticed her car the moment it turned onto the small street, and I stood up so she would see me. This was it. I was going to meet my daughter. It was also my chance to show Addy that I wasn’t a completely cold bastard.

The car stopped in a parking spot a few feet away, and I could see all that blond hair, so much like her mother’s. It stood out, just like Addy’s always had. Addy turned and said something to her, and Franny nodded before they opened their doors and stepped out.

Franny’s face watched me with a mixture of hope, fear, and excitement. She was as easy to read as Addy was. I was beginning to think that she’d gotten nothing from me, but to have a daughter who was the exact replica of Addy wasn’t a bad thing—or at least, it wouldn’t be until she was old enough to date. Then I’d have to make sure boys knew how well I handled a gun.