The Bedroom Assignment

‘Give it here,’ said Jay, whipping it out of his hand. ‘You’ve been doing it again, haven’t you? Slipping the Tom Skellern Ideal Wife Test in with the multiple choice questions.’

Tom laughed. ‘It’s important that they show initiative. Any monkey can tick multiple choice.’

‘Tom—’

‘Look, we agreed that we needed a really female female, didn’t we? Especially if we’re going to take this merger thing seriously. All those kooks in Karlsson are high on ambition and the need to prove they can drink more beer than we can. That’s not the market.’

‘It’s a big segment of the market.’

‘But not all. Don’t the nurturers and the dreamers get a vote any more?’

‘And you think Zoe Brown is a nurturer and a dreamer?’ Jay said slowly.

‘I know she is. The Hyder-Schelling tests cannot lie. Besides,’ he added wickedly, ‘she brightens the place up. Have you seen the red boob tube yet?’

Jay threw the sheets down. ‘I’m not employing a woman because you want to go to bed with her bread and butter pudding. And that’s final.’

Zoe saw a lot of Jay. Every time he came back into the office, from Brussels, or Manchester, or even a trip just down the road to Westminster, he summoned her into his office.

‘Poppy and Isabel will put you top of their hit list,’ teased Molly. ‘The Battle of the Blondes escalates.’

For once Zoe did not laugh, though normally she enjoyed Molly’s cynicism as much as anyone. And she was responsible for dubbing the inter-office rivalry the Battle of the Blondes, after all.

‘It’s nothing personal. It’s just because I’m working on this speech, of course,’ she told them seriously at Patisserie Pauline. ‘It’s only ten days away now. He’s in a flap about it.’

‘A flap? Jay?’ Molly shook her head. ‘I don’t think so.’

But Abby shook her head. ‘He’s probably feeling guilty. It’s a big honour to be asked. He should have done it months ago. Banana really let him down there.’

Zoe was intrigued by the woman about whom she had heard so much.

‘What was she like?’ she asked.

Abby shrugged. ‘Used to be Molly’s assistant. Did the music business, mainly. Wasn’t here long. I didn’t know her well.’ She thought about it. ‘Very hip. Very temperamental.’

‘What do you think, Moll?’

‘I think she should have kept her hormones in her handbag,’ said Molly crisply.

Yet the girl who turned up at the private room in the Pacific Grill Rooms for Molly’s surprise party didn’t look temperamental. She didn’t look like a case of galloping hormones, either. She wore designer rags that left some surprising bits naked to the air, and she was as tottery as a young antelope on her massive heels.

Zoe could not help herself. ‘That’s the man-eater?’ she said, astonished.

‘That’s the one,’ said Abby. ‘Wouldn’t think it to look at her, would you?’

The antelope had eyelashes that would have made Bambi sick with envy. She cornered Jay and used them to great effect.

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said Zoe.

Jay got the antelope a drink, made his excuses and walked away. Banana was the only woman in the world Zoe had ever seen pout prettily. Mind you, that could have been the wide innocent blue eyes that went with it.

Innocent. Huh! I bet she knows more than I do about just about everything.

The antelope stopped pouting and looked round for company.

‘Hi,’ she said, descending on Abby and Zoe. ‘What a horrible boss you have.’ She sounded envious. ‘Still, at least he forgave me enough to let me come.’

She was also the only woman Zoe had ever known to drink a margarita and chatter breathlessly at the same time. How did she do that?

‘What did you do to him, Banana?’ asked Abby. She was no gossip, but she was as intrigued as everyone else.

The antelope was not offended. She shrugged. ‘Waited till everyone had gone home. Went into his office with a bottle of champagne and some cushions.’

She finished her cocktail and replaced the empty glass with a full one from a passing waiter. She did not stop talking. She did not even look at the tray. Just identified the slim glass stem by touch alone.