The Bairn of Brianag

I woke suddenly, my body rigid, and realized that I had been dreaming. The house was silent; the only sound was that of insects in the darkness.

I did not know what I was going to do. I was too weak and ill to move; but somewhere in the recesses of my mind I knew that I must regain my strength, must be ready for Robbie when he came for me. I lit a candle and took the cool broth from the tray, and drank it slowly. I must not retch anymore. I must be strong.

The next time I woke it was morning. I felt somewhat strengthened. I rose from the bed and went to the glass. My face was haggard, my eyes swollen with weeping, but dry at last. I felt nausea return, but swallowed it down, and it receded. I must think. I must plan.

My mother came into the room.

I stepped back involuntarily. Why was she here? What else could she do to me? She knew the truth now.

"Come back later, Lily," said my mother. "I wish to speak with my daughter." Lily went out and closed the door. I looked at my mother, and my face felt stiff. I prayed that my strength would not fail me, that my stomach would stay still.

"Now you will tell me who is your bastard's father," she said.

Of course. She would not rest until I told her that I was a whore who would lie with the field slaves.

She was not going to get any rest, because I would never confess to such a sin.

My father would have already gone to the fields. Kevin also would not be in the house. As if she read my mind, she said, "Kevin has gone to Orangeburg. He will be away for a week. Your father is in the bottom field. There is only you and I in the house."

I just stared at her.

"Who is the father?" she repeated, her teeth clenched.

"I will not tell you, Mama," I said.

Faster than a striking snake, her hand flashed and I felt a mighty sting across my face. I staggered back, and fell over the stool. I put my hand to my cheek, where a welt had already risen. I realized with shocked amazement that she had struck me with a riding crop. I looked up at her from where I sat on the floor, wondering if she had completely lost her mind. My father would see the weal. He would know what she had done.