The Bairn of Brianag

"How is John?"she said, turning her eyes to mine. "Is he well?"

"He is very worried about you, Cathy; and I must say I can understand why!" I said.

"How can you banish him in this way? He is making himself ill for you!"

"Oh!" Her eyes filled with tears again. "I am sorry! I hate keeping him away! And yet I cannot have him see me like this!"

"Oh, my dear," I said, my heart constricting in my chest. Again, I felt nausea rise in me. "John loves you so much. He will not care if you look different now! After all, you shall be yourself again soon, and how happy you shall be then, with your bairn to love!"

"Oh, I only wish it would come soon!" she cried. "I am undone with misery!"

I swallowed. I wanted to leave the room, but I held onto her hand, waiting for her to give me leave; and after weeping for a moment, she wiped her face and smiled at me.

"Dear Jessie," she said. "I should not have brought you here."

"Indeed, yes, you should! Nothing could keep me away in any case. I want to see the bairn while it is still new. I shall stay until after."

"No, indeed, you shall not!" she exclaimed. "It would not be fitting at all for you to be here."

"Then I shall stay for as long as you wish me to stay," I said.

I managed to make my way to my room where I then vomited into the slop jar.

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A week passed; my blood did not appear. I thanked God that Cathy was too miserable herself to notice my worry and confusion. She spent her days lying in bed or on the chaise, usually with a book in her hand. It was simply too hot to sew or knit; the wool and silk were suffocating. I sat near her, sometimes reading aloud to her; when she dozed, I would slip away to lie down on my own bed. My stomach was almost continuously queasy.

One night I woke to a soft, insistent knocking at my door. I leapt from up and threw a linen bed dress on over my shift. The night was terribly hot, the air oppressive. I opened the door.

John stood there, fully dressed. "I am going for the doctor," he said. "I have sent for the midwife." His face was filled with terror such as I had never before seen on any man's face. "Please, Jessie, stay with Catherine until I return."