The Bairn of Brianag

"I shall return to the back country for a time," he said.

My throat suddenly swelled inside; I swallowed.

"I want to be with the clan, to help to defend Barraigh, if needed," he said.

"Of course," I whispered.

We did not speak again until the dance ended. As he led me to the edge of the room, I managed to say, "When shall you depart?" looking down at my hands.

"I shall go when our guests have departed; perhaps as soon as the day after tomorrow."

I said nothing. I could not bring myself to look into his face. He bowed. "Your servant, madam," he said, and turned away, mingling into the crowd.

I rested, as I had promised Mrs. Randall I would do, and then danced with Kevin. The evening now seemed interminable. I looked for Mrs. Randall; she was seated on a sofa, surrounded by guests. I went to her and told her that I was tired and wished to retire. She smiled up at me, giving me leave, and I curtsied to her. I made my way toward the door, smiling and speaking to everyone as I passed.

I went up the stairs and into the bedroom alone. Rabbit was there; she helped me out of my gown and into my nightdress. I stared at myself in the mirror as Susan brushed my hair.

I would not think of Robbie. I would not remember that he was leaving; would not notice that he had gone. I would shoulder my own grief and bear it gracefully, and allow Robbie to go his own way.