The Amateur Gentleman

"Not in Asia, Africa or America?" said Barnabas.

"Eh?" said the Pedler, glancing sharply up at him, "why--what, Lord

love me--it's you, is it? aha! So it did the trick for you, did it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mean, sir? Lord, what should I mean, but that there book on Ettyket,

as I sold you--that priceless wollum as I give you--for five bob,

months ago, when the larks was a-singing so inspiring."

"Yes, it was a lovely morning, I remember."

"Ah! and you left me that morning, a fine, upstanding young country

cove, but to-day--ah, to-day you are a bang up blood--a gent, inside

and out, a-riding of a magnificent 'oss--and all on account o'

follering the instructions in that 'ere blessed tome as I sold

you--for five bob! And dirt-cheap at the money!"

"And I find you exactly as you were," said Barnabas thoughtfully,

"yes, even to the bread and cheese."

"There you are wrong, sir--axing your pardon. This time it's 'alf a

loaf--medium, a slice o' beef--small, and a cold per-tater--large.

But cold per-taters is full o' nourishment, if eat with a contented

mind--ah, there's oceans o' nourishment in a cold per-tater--took

reg'lar. O' course, for them as is flush o' the rhino, and wants a

blow-out, there's nothin' like two o' leg o' beef with a dash o' pea,

'alf a scaffold-pole, a plate o' chats, and a swimmer--it's

wholesome and werry filling, and don't cost more than a groat, but

give me a cold per-tater to walk on. But you, sir," continued the

Pedler, beginning to eat with great appetite, "you, being a reg'lar

'eavy-toddler now, one o' the gilded nobs--and all on account o'

that there priceless wollum as I--give away to you--for five bob!

you, being now a blue-blooded aris-to-crat, don't 'ave to walk, so

you can go in for plovers or pheasants or partridges, dressed up in

hartichokes, p'r'aps, yes--frogs'-legs is your constant fodder now,

p'r'aps--not to mention rag-outs and sich. Oh, yes, I reckon you've

done a lot, and seen a lot, and--eat a lot since the morning as I

give you a priceless wollum worth its weight in solid gold as was

wrote by a Person o' Quality--and all for five bob! jest because

them larks 'appened to be singing so sentimental--drat 'em! Ah well,"

sighed the Pedler, bolting the last morsel of beef, "and 'ow did you

find London, young sir?"

"Much bigger than I expected."

"Ah, it is a bit biggish till you get used to it. And it's amazing

what you can see--if you looks 'ard enough, like the tombs in St.

Paul's Churchyard, f'r instance. I knowed of a chap once as spent

over a week a-looking for 'em, and never see so much as a single

'eadstone--but then, 'e were born stone-blind, so it were only

nat'ral as 'e should miss 'em, p'r'aps. But you, young sir, 'ow

did you pass your time?"