The Amateur Gentleman

And after a while, he saw the latch raised cautiously, and the door

begin to open very slowly and noiselessly. It had opened thus

perhaps some six inches when he spoke: "Is that you, Mr. Shrig?"

Immediately the door became stationary and, after some brief pause a

voice issued from behind it, a voice somewhat wheezing and hoarse.

"Which your parding I ax, sir," said the voice, "which your parding

I 'umbly ax, but it ain't, me being a respectable female, sir, name

o' Snummitt, sir--charing, sir, also washing and clear-starching, sir!"

Hereupon, the door having opened to its fullest, Barnabas saw a stout,

middle-aged woman whose naturally unlovely look had been further

marred by the loss of one eye, while the survivor, as though

constantly striving to make amends, was continually rolling itself

up and down and to and fro, in a manner quite astonishing to behold.

"Which my name is Snummitt," she repeated, bobbing a curtsy and

momentarily eclipsing the rolling eye under the poke of a very large

bonnet, "Mrs. Snummitt, sir, which though a widder I'm respectable

and of 'igh character and connections. Which me 'aving only one heye

ain't by no manner of means to be 'eld ag'in me, seeing as it were

took away by a act o' Providence in the shape of another lady's

boot-'eel sixteen summers ago come Michaelmas."

"Indeed," said Barnabas, seeing Mrs. Snummitt had paused for breath,

"but what--"

"Which I were to give you Mr. Bimby's compliments, sir, and ax if

you could oblige him with the loan of a wine-glass?"

"Mr. Bimby?"

"Over-'ead, sir--garret! You may 'ave 'eard 'im, now and then--flute,

sir, 'armonious, though doleful."

"And he wants a wine-glass, does he?" said Barnabas, and forthwith

produced that article from a rickety corner-cupboard and handed it

to Mrs. Snummitt, who took it, glanced inside it, turned it

upside-down, and rolled her eye at Barnabas eloquently.

"What more?" he inquired.

"Which I would mention, sir, or shall we say, 'int, as if you could

put a little drop o' summat inside of it--brandy, say--'t would be

doing a great favor."

"Ah, to be sure!" said Barnabas. And, having poured out a stiff

quantum of the spirit, he gave it to Mrs. Snummit, who took it,

curtsied, and rolling her solitary orb at the bottle on the table,

smiled engagingly.

"Which I would thank you kindly on be'alf o' Mr. Bimby, sir, and,

seeing it upon the tip o' your tongue to ax me to partake, I begs to

say 'Amen,' with a slice o' lemming cut thin, and thank you from my

'eart."

"I fear I have no lemon," began Barnabas.

"Then we won't say no more about it, sir, not a word. 'Evings forbid

as a lemming should come betwixt us seeing as I am that shook on

account o' pore, little Miss Pell."