The Amateur Gentleman

"Why," exclaimed Barnabas, starting, "is that you, Mr. Shrig?"

"As ever vas, sir. I ain't partial to disguises as a rule, but

circumstances obleeges me to it now and then," sighed Mr. Shrig as

they turned into Hatton Garden. "Ye see, I've been keeping a eye--or

as you might say, a fatherly ogle on vun o' my fambly, vich is the

v'y and the v'erefore o' these 'ere v'iskers. Yesterday, I vas a

market gerdener, vith a basket o' fine wegetables as nobody 'ad

ordered,--the day afore, a sailor-man out o' furrin parts, as

vos a-seeking and a-searchin' for a gray-'eaded feyther as didn't

exist,--to-day I'm a riverside cove as 'ad found a letter--a letter

as I'd stole--"

"Stolen!" repeated Barnabas.

"Vell, let's say borreyed, sir,--borreyed for purposes o' obserwation,

--out o' young Barrymaine's pocket, and werry neatly I done it too!"

Here Mr. Shrig chuckled softly, checked himself suddenly, and shook

his placid head. "But life ain't all lavender, sir,--not by no

manner o' means, it ain't," said he dolefully. "Things is werry

slack vith me,--nothing in the murder line this veek, and only vun

sooicide, a couple o' 'ighvay robberies, and a 'sault and battery!

You can scrag me if I know v'ot things is coming to. And then, to

make it vorse, I 've jest 'ad a loss as vell."

"I'm sorry for that, Mr. Shrig, but--"

"A loss, sir, as I shan't get over in a 'urry. You'll remember

V'istlin' Dick, p'r'aps,--the leary, flash cove as you give such a

leveller to, the first time as ever I clapped my day-lights on ye?"

"Yes, I remember him."

"Veil sir,' e's been and took, and gone, and got 'isself kicked to

death by an 'orse!"

"Eh,--a horse?" exclaimed Barnabas, starting.

"An 'orse, sir, yes. Vich I means to say is coming it a bit low down

on me, sir,--sich conduct ain't 'ardly fair, for V'istlin' Dick

vos a werry promising cove as Capitals go. And now to see 'im cut

off afore 'is time, and in such a outrageous, onnat'ral manner,

touches me up, Mr. Barty, sir,--touches me up werry sharp it do! For

arter all, a nice, strong gibbet vith a good long drop is qvicker,

neater, and much more pleasant than an 'orse's 'oof,--now ain't it?

Still," said Mr. Shrig, sighing and shaking his head again,

"things is allus blackest afore the dawn, sir, and--'twixt you and

me,--I'm 'oping to bring off a nice little murder case afore long--"

"Hoping?"

"Veil--let's say--expecting, sir. Quite a bang up affair it'll be

too,--nobs, all on 'em, and there's three on 'em concerned. I'll call

the murderer Number Vun, Number Two is the accessory afore the fact,

and Number Three is the unfort'nate wictim. Now sir, from private

obserwation, the deed is doo to be brought off any time in the next

three veeks, and as soon as it's done, v'y then I lays my right 'and

on Number Vun, and my left 'and on Number Two, and--"