Tempted

The darkness was unrelieved. Blinding more than my sight, it wiped away all of my senses. I thought I was gasping for breath and flailing around, trying to find something--anything I could touch, hear, or smell--anything that would give me a handhold on reality. But I had no sensation at all. The cocoon of darkness and the fluttering of my frantic heartbeat were all I knew. Was I dead? No, I didn't think so. I remembered that I'd been in the tunnel under the Benedictine Abbey, only a few feet away from my friends.

I'd been freaked out by the darkness, but that couldn't have made me drop dead. But I'd been afraid. I remembered being very afraid. Then there had been nothing but this darkness. What's happened to me? Nyx! My mind screamed. Help me, Goddess! Please show me some kind of light! "Listen with your soul . . ." I thought I cried aloud at the sweet, reassuring sound of the Goddess's voice in my mind, but when her words were gone, there was only the unrelenting silence and darkness. How in the hell was I supposed to listen with my soul? I tried to calm myself and hear something, but there was just silence--a soul-sucking, black, empty, utter silence like nothing I'd ever before experienced. I had no framework to guide me here, I only knew-- The realization struck me and my mind reeled with understanding. I did have a framework to guide me.

Part of me had experienced this darkness before. I couldn't see. I couldn't feel. I couldn't do anything but turn within myself, questing for the part of me that might be able to make sense of this, that might be able to guide me out of here. Memory stirred again, this time taking me back long before the night in the tunnel under the abbey. The years fell away with my re sis tance until finally, finally I felt again. My senses returned slowly. I began to hear more than my own thoughts. There was a drumbeat that pulsed around me, and within it were woven the distant voices of women. The sense of smell returned to me, and I recognized the dank scent that reminded me of the abbey tunnel.

Finally, I could feel the earth against my naked back. I only had an instant to sift through the flood of my returned senses before the rest of my awareness was jolted awake. I wasn't alone! My back was pressed against the earth, but I was being held tightly in someone's arms. Then he spoke. "Oh, Goddess, no! Do not let this be!" It was Kalona's voice, and my immediate reaction was to cry out and struggle blindly away from him, but I wasn't in charge of my body and the words that came from my mouth were not my own. "Sssh, do not despair. I am with you, my love."

"You trapped me!" Even as he cried the accusation, his arms tightened around me, and I recognized the cold passion of his immortal embrace. "I saved you," my strange voice responded as my body settled more intimately against his. "You were not meant to walk this world. That is why you have been so unhappy, so insatiable."

"I had no choice! The mortals do not understand." My arms wrapped around his neck. My fingers twined through his soft, heavy hair. "I understand. Be at peace here with me. Lay down your sad restlessness. I will comfort you." I felt his surrender before he spoke the words. "Yes," Kalona murmured. "I will bury my sadness within you and my desperate longing will finally be spent."

"Yes, my love, my consort, my Warrior . . . yes . . ." It was that moment that I lost myself within A-ya. I couldn't tell where her desire ended and my soul began. If I still had a choice, I didn't want it. I only knew that I was where I was destined to be--in Kalona's arms. His wings covered us, keeping the chill of his touch from burning me. His lips met mine. We explored each other slowly, thoroughly, with a sense of wonder and surrender. As our bodies began to move together I knew complete joy. And then, suddenly, I started to dissolve. "No!" The scream was wrenched from my throat and my soul. I didn't want to leave! I wanted to stay with him. My place was with him! But, again, I wasn't in control, and I felt myself fading away, rejoining the earth, as A-ya sobbed, her broken voice echoed one word in my head: REMEMBER . . .

The slap burned against my cheek, and I sucked in a big breath that cleared the last of the darkness from my mind. I opened my eyes and the beam of the flashlight caused me to squint and blink. I remember. My voice sounded as rusty as my mind. You remember who you are, or should I smack you again? Aphrodite said. My mind was slow to function because it still screamed no at being wrenched from the darkness. I blinked again and shook my head, trying to clear it. No! I cried the word with so much emotion that Aphrodite automatically moved away from me. Fine, she said. You can thank me later. Sister Mary Angela took her place, bending over me and smoothing my hair back from my face, which was sweaty and cold.

Zoey, are you with us? Yes, I said in a broken voice. Zoey, what is it? What caused you to hyperventilate? the nun asked. You're not feeling sick, are you? Erin's voice was a little tremble-y. Not getting the urge to cough up a lung or anything? Shaunee asked, looking as upset as her twin sounded. Stevie Rae shoved the Twins aside so she could get close to me. Talk to me, Z. Are you really okay? I'm fine. I'm not dying or anything like that. My thoughts had reordered themselves, though I couldn't seem to shake off the last traces of the despair I'd known with A-ya. I understood my friends were scared that my body had begun rejecting the Change.

Forcing myself to focus on the here and now I held my hand out to Stevie Rae. Here, help me up. I'm better now. Stevie Rae pulled me up, careful to keep her hand under my elbow while I swayed slightly before finding my balance. What happened to you, Z? Damien asked as he studied me. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to admit to my friends that I'd had an incredibly vivid memory of a past life where I'd given myself to our enemy of today? I hadn't even had time to wade through the maze of new emotions the memory had caused within me. How was I going to explain them to my friends? Just tell us, child. The truth spoken is always less frightening than supposition, said Sister Mary Angela. I sighed and blurted, The tunnel scared me! Scared you? Like, there's something in there? Damien had finally quit staring at me and was peering nervously into the dark opening.

The Twins took a couple steps farther into the root cellar and away from the tunnel. No, there's nothing in there. I hesitated. At least I don't think so. Anyway, that's not what scared me. You expect us to believe you fainted because you were scared of the dark? Aphrodite said. They all stared at me. I cleared my throat. Hey, y'all. Maybe there's stuff Zoey just doesn't wanna talk about, said Stevie Rae. I looked at my best friend and realized if I didn't say something about what had just happened to me I wouldn't be able to face what I needed to do about her. You're right, I told Stevie Rae. I don't want to talk about it, but you guys deserve to hear the truth.

I let my gaze take in the rest of the group. That tunnel freaked me out so much because my soul recognized it. I cleared my throat and went on, I remembered being trapped in the earth with Kalona. You mean because there really is some of A-ya inside of you? Damien asked softly. I nodded. I'm me, but I'm also, somehow, still a part of her. Interesting . . . Damien breathed a long sigh. Well, what the hell does that mean for you and Kalona today? Aphrodite asked.

I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! I burst out, the stress and honest-to-goddess confusion about what had just happened boiled over inside me. I don't have the damn answers. All I have is the memory and zero time to process it. How about you guys back off just a little and let me get the mess inside my head straight? Everyone shuffled around and mumbled okays, sending me she's lost her mind looks. Ignoring my gawking friends, and the unanswered Kalona questions that were almost visible in the air around me, I turned to Stevie Rae. Explain to me exactly how you made the tunnel. I could tell by the question mark in her blue eyes that she was worried about my tone.

I hadn't sounded all Crap! I just fainted and need to change the subject 'cause I'm embarrassed by being a reincarnated chick. I'd sounded like a High Priestess. Well, it wasn't really that big of a thing. Stevie Rae looked nervous and uncomfortable, like she was trying too hard to be nonchalant because she was feeling the exact opposite. Hey, are you sure you're okay? Shouldn't we go up out of here and maybe get you a brown pop or somethin'? I mean, if this place gives you flashbacks, talkin' someplace else sounds like a good idea. I'm okay. Right now I just want to hear about the tunnel. I met her gaze steadily. So tell me how you did this.

I could sense the other kids, as well as Sister Mary Angela, watching us with curiosity mixed in with their confusion, but I kept focused on Stevie Rae. 'Kay, well, you know the Prohibition tunnels are practically everywhere under the downtown buildings, right? I nodded. Right. Also, remember that I told you I'd been doin' some reconnoitering to see where they all went? Yeah, I remember. Okay, so, I found that kinda half-covered tunnel entrance that Ant told y'all about the other day--the one that branches off away from the others that go under the Philtower Building and stuff. I nodded again impatiently. Well, it was filled in with dirt, but when I felt around the little hole left in the middle of it, I knocked a bunch of dirt away, stuck my arm through, and felt a bunch of cool air.

That made me think there was probably more tunnel on the other side of it. So I pushed, with my mind and my hands and my element. And earth responded. Responded? Like it shook or something? I asked. More like it moved. Like I wanted it to. In my head. She paused. It's kinda hard to explain. But what happened was the dirt that had sealed the tunnel ended up crumbling and I stepped through the new bigger opening into a really, really old tunnel. And this old tunnel was made of dirt, not lined with concrete, like the tunnels under the depot and downtown, right? Damien said. Stevie Rae smiled and nodded, her blond hair bouncing around her shoulders.

Yeah! And instead of heading downtown it pointed to midtown. It came all the way here? I tried to guesstimate in my head how many miles that was and could no way do the math. Of course, I am math impaired, but still, it was a ways. Nope. What happened was that once I found the dirt tunnel and kinda opened it up, I went explorin' in it. Okay, it starts as one of the off shoots of the Philtower Building. I thought it was weird and kinda cool that it headed away from downtown. How could you tell that? Damien interrupted her. How could you even guess where you were heading? Easy-peasy for me! I can always find north, you know, the direction of my earth element. Once I find it--I can find anything. Hmm, he said. Go on, I said. Then what? Then it ran out. Just, well, stopped. Before you slipped me the note about meeting you here at the sisters' place, that's where I stopped, too. I mean, sure, I was plannin' to go back and check it out some more later, but it really wasn't a high priority to me. When you told me I might have to move the kids here, I couldn't quit thinkin' about the dirt tunnel. I remembered that it had been headed in this direction before it ran out. So I went back there. I thought about where I wanted to go and how I wished the tunnel would go there.

Then I pushed again, like I'd done to get the opening bigger, only more so. Then, well, presto-chango, the earth did what I told it to do, and here we are! Ta-da! She finished with a big smile and a flourish. Into the silence that surrounded Stevie Rae's explanation, Sister Mary Angela's voice sounded utterly normal and reasonable, which made me heart her even more than I already did. Remarkable, isn't it? Stevie Rae, you and I may disagree upon the source of your gift, but I am nonetheless in awe of its vastness. Thank you, Sister! I think you're pretty awesome, too, 'specially for a nun. How did you see down there? I asked. Well, I really don't have a problem seeing in the dark, but the other kids aren't as good at it as I am, so I brought some lanterns from the depot tunnels. Stevie Rae pointed to a few oil lanterns that I hadn't noticed before in the dark corners of the root cellar.

Still, it was a long way, Shaunee was saying. Seriously. It must have been dark and creepy, Erin said. Nah, the earth really isn't creepy to me, or to the red fledglings. She shrugged. Like I said, it was no big deal. Actually, it was super-easy. And you managed to get all the red fledglings here safely? Damien said. Yep! Which all? I asked. What do ya mean, which all? That doesn't make any sense, Z, she said. I brought all the red fledgings y'all met before, plus Erik and Heath. Who else are ya talkin' about? Her words sounded normal, but she ended with a weird, nervous laugh and wouldn't meet my eyes. My stomach clenched. Stevie Rae was still lying to me.

And I didn't know what to do about it. I think maybe Zoey is feeling confused because she's exhausted, as she should be after the experience she's had tonight. Sister Mary Angela's warm hand on my shoulder felt as reassuring as her voice. We're all tired, she added. Her smile took in Stevie Rae, the Twins, Aphrodite, and Damien. Dawn is not long off. Let's get you settled with the rest of your friends. Sleep. Everything will seem clearer when you're well rested. I nodded wearily and let Sister Mary Angela shepherd us out of the depths of the root cellar and up the staircase we'd come down not too long ago. But instead of continuing up and into the hallway of the abbey, the nun opened a door off the landing I hadn't noticed when I'd been hurrying after Damien earlier.

A shorter staircase led into the main basement area, a big but normal-looking cement basement, which had been transformed by the nuns from a giant laundry room to a temporary dorm. There were a bunch of cots spread out along two walls opposite each other, made up with blankets and pillows and looking cozy. There was a kid-sized mound in one of the beds, and the poof of red hair that was sticking out of the blanket he'd pulled up over most of his head told me that Elliott had already crashed. The rest of the red fledglings were clustered around the washer-dryer area, sitting on those folding metal chairs that always make my butt cold, watching a large flat-screen TV that was perched on top of one of the washers.

There was a lot of yawning going on with them, which meant it really must be almost dawn, but they seemed mesmerized by whatever was on TV. I glanced at the screen and felt my tired face break into a big grin. The Sound of Music? They're watching The Sound of Music? I laughed. Sister Mary Angela lifted one eyebrow at me. It's one of our favorite DVDs. I thought the fledglings might enjoy it, too. It is a classic, Damien said. I used to think that Nazi kid was cute, Shaunee said. Except he rats out the Von Trapps, Erin said. Which is when he turned not so cute, Shaunee continued as the Twins grabbed folding chairs and joined the other fledglings in front of the TV.

But everybody likes Julie Andrews, Stevie Rae said. She shoulda smacked them damn spoiled kids, Kramisha said from her place in front of the TV. She glanced over her shoulder and gave Sister Mary Angela a tired smile. Sorry 'bout the damn,' Sister, but they is brats. They just needed love and attention and understanding, like all children do, said the sister. Okay, barf. Seriously, Aphrodite said, before any of you break into a chorus of How Do You Solve a Problem like Maria?' and I have to gnaw through my slender wrists, I'm going to find Darius and my room. She waggled her brows and started to twitch out of the basement. Aphrodite, Sister Mary Angela called.

When Aphrodite paused and looked back at her, the nun continued. I imagine Darius is still with Stark. Saying good night to him would be just fine, but you'll find your room on the fourth floor--you'll be sharing it with Zoey and not with the warrior. Ugh, I said under my breath. Aphrodite rolled her eyes. Why does that not surprise me? And, muttering to herself, she continued to twitch away. Sorry, Z, Stevie Rae said after she rolled her eyes at Aphrodite's back. I'd be your roomie again, but I think I should stay down here. Being underground really feels better to me after the sun rises, plus I need to stick close to the red fledglings.

That's okay, I said a little too quickly. So now I didn't even want to be alone with my BFF? Is everyone else still upstairs? Damien asked. I saw him glancing around, and I was pretty sure he was looking for Jack. I, on the other hand, hadn't been looking around for any of my boyfriends. Actually, after their stupid, testosterone display outside, I was thinking that being boyfriendless sounded better and better. And then there was Kalona and the memory I wish I'd never had. Yeah, everyone else is upstairs in the cafeteria or already in bed. Hey, Earth to Zo! Check it out. The nuns have a massively big selection of Doritos, and I even found some brown pop for you-- full of caffeine and sugar, said Heath as he jumped down the last three steps into the basement.