Sweet Hope

I closed my eyes on hearing his familiar voice.

Slowly lifting my head, I saw he was even bigger than I remembered. He was dressed in loose gray sweats and a short-sleeved white t-shirt, dark tattoos covering his exposed arms. I forced myself to look up and meet his eyes and I staggered back. It was like I saw him only yesterday, and with that realization, a ton of gutting memories came flooding into my mind; memories I’d try to block out so they didn’t fucking drown me in guilt.

His dark hair was longer, not too long, but longer than it had been the last time we’d met. Blowing out a long breath, I dragged my hand through my hair, raking it back, showing more of my bearded face…

And then I saw it, the moment it sank in exactly who stood on his doorstep. His brown eyes widened to what seemed unnatural size. He stepped back in shock, his mouth dropping open like he wanted to say something, but no words came out.

“Austin,” I rasped out in greeting, glancing away, feeling the most nervous I had in my entire fucking life. Waiting… just waiting for him to push me away.

Austin gripped the edge of the door, staring at me, until I shifted on my feet and nodded my head. I got the meaning of his silence: I wasn’t welcome.

“Understood,” I said curtly.

I turned to leave just as he stepped forward and whispered, “Axel?”

Austin’s voice was strained, laced with emotion. I froze and reluctantly looked over my shoulder.

“Kid,” I responded and watched as the shock on his now older face melted into the biggest fucking smile I’d ever seen. Austin launched out of the door and threw his arms around my neck.

I’d never been squeezed so tight.

Austin’s trembling hand held the back of my head, crushing me against his body. “Fuck… I can’t… I can’t believe it’s you…” His voice was rough and my throat felt so tight I couldn’t speak. Patting Austin on the back, I expected him to pull away, but when I felt his back shaking too, I knew why he wasn’t. The kid was crying.

And it fucking broke me.

“Fratello, look at me,” I said, fighting back my own tears. As always, my kid brother did as I asked—he always had.

Austin kept his eyes down as he faced me, his hands on my shoulders, but I could see the tears dripping from his eyes. Gripping the back of his head, I pulled him back into my chest, whispering, “I fucking missed you, kid.”

“Lo giuri?” Austin asked shakily, his voice muffled by my shirt.

I huffed a single laugh. “Lo giuro.”

Drawing back, Austin looked me over, shaking his head in disbelief. “How… what… Axe, how the hell are you out? How come you’re here?”

“Good behavior, Aust.”

The pride that flashed over his unshaven cheeks almost undid me. Why he’d always had so much faith in my sorry ass was lost on me.

I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve him… none of it.

Austin flung his arm around my shoulder and said, “I always knew you could do it. Keep your head down and get straight.”

He began leading me into the house and pushed his hand over my long hair. “What the fuck’s up with the long hair and beard? Never known you to have anything but a buzz cut.”

“Don’t know. Just never bothered to cut it.”

Austin stopped, and I could feel his hard stare. I eventually looked up and raised my eyebrow. “What?”

“I just hardly recognize you, that’s all. It’s like you’re another person. And…” His brown eyes bored into my left cheek, and I lifted my hand to where my Stidda, my tattooed black star, used to be, the mark that told everyone I was Heighter for life. “You covered it…”

I glanced away. “Yeah…” I replied, no more information needed.

“Why?” He pushed.

“Just did, kid.”

“To a crucifix?” he questioned, but I just shrugged. Austin was still staring, but I wasn’t going there.

“You got yours took off,” I stated proudly.

“It ain’t my life no more, Axe. It was ‘bout time to let all that shit go.” I nodded in understanding, and Austin took that as his cue to move us on into the house.

As we walked through the door, I could feel Austin keep looking at me as if he thought I’d disappear if he didn’t keep checking. His arm never left my shoulders.

Austin took my bag and placed it on the black marble floor. I took a look around and had to breathe through the unease I felt at being in such a place. I was used to the thin walls, tin roofs, and plastic windows of trailers, or stone floors and metal gates of cells, not fucking mansions like I was standing in now… a mansion that my kid brother bought all off his own back, from his own talent. It was damn surreal.