Surrender to Me (Wicked Lovers #4)
Page 32“Do these”—he gripped the papers—“have anything to do with Ben?”
Why didn’t he see that this whirlwind marriage just wasn’t meant to be permanent? She couldn’t be with someone who could not only make her give herself to him so completely, he demanded it. He was only clinging to her so hard because he didn’t want to have his father’s regrets. They didn’t make sense for the long haul . . . but he deserved her honesty.
“No, I really don’t love him. I am not leaving you for someone else. I’m just leaving so I can go back to my life.”
Hunter swallowed again, fists clenching at his sides. And for all that he looked furious and proud, his vulnerability was unmistakable. The fact that she wanted a divorce was killing him. Even though parting was the sane choice, guilt and anguish sliced her stomach like a machete.
“This is all crap. You want to leave because you submitted so totally that it scared you. I won’t let you run from us.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not signing those unless I’m convinced that you have no feelings for me.”
Frustration roiled inside her, and angry tears filled her eyes. “You can’t refuse to let me go. That wouldn’t make you any better than Gordon.”
Flinty eyes raked over her. “Do you honestly think I would ever degrade you until you lost your self-esteem?”
They’d already crossed this bridge. “No.”
“That I would fail to seek medical care for you when you needed it?”
“I know you wouldn’t,” she admitted softly. “You’ve spent a lot of time and effort trying to keep me alive.”
“So you think that I would take away your job and your friends to make you completely dependent on me?”
Kata glared up through the thick fringe of her lashes with furious eyes. “No. But to make you happy, I worry that I would let you do anything you wanted to me in bed . . . and eventually in life. I can’t respect myself like that. Please, just sign.”
NEVER.
In disciplining her for not trusting him and trying to bring them closer together, he’d taken her too deep and too fast into submission. It had frightened her. His mistake.
As much as Kata’s family dynamic messed with her head, Hunter realized that he should have at least guessed this could happen. But he’d been running on too much emotion and not enough sleep. Now, he’d have to swallow all the destructive feelings that thinking of his mother dredged up and tread carefully with Kata—or she’d walk.
The papers, still balled up in his hands, had been her attempt to control the situation. A part of him wanted to be angry all over again that she didn’t trust him not to take her over the edge. That was counterproductive.
With hands less steady than he liked, Hunter set the divorce papers on the dresser, then clasped her other shoulder. “Honey, I want you submissive, but I never want you to feel weak. I never want to take over your life. You have so much power over me that it scares me fucking spitless. In just a few days, my feelings for you have taken root. They run deep, lifetime deep.” He fused her gaze to his. “I don’t believe for one minute that you’d ever surrender every bit of your free will to me. You’re an amazing, strong woman. You have to know that.”
“I don’t, not anymore.” Her hazel eyes looked so green swimming in unshed tears. “You’re so intense. So dominant. Over time, you’ll break me down, and I’ll give and give to you until I wake up one day and find that there’s nothing left of me, just like Mamá. You may not mean that to happen, but I wonder if, deep down, it’s your way of ensuring that I never leave. If that happens, I will hate myself.”
Hunter understood her fear, but Kata was dead wrong. He just wanted to love her.
The instinct he’d had to meet her parents after they’d married was kicking him in the balls now. They should have done it sooner, but with someone trying to kill Kata, they’d been unable to check the meet and greet off his to-do list. He needed to fix that.
“How can you think that you’ll lose yourself to me when, from the moment I met you, you’ve done so much to fight for what you wanted and believed in? That straightforward attitude and conviction are some of the biggest reasons I love you. You’ve fought for your mother, for yourself—even your pleasure. Kata, you’re not a woman who could ever lose herself.”
Emphatically, she shook her head. “After the spanking I should have been furious with you. Fucking spitting mad. But all I could think about was pleasing you.”
“A submissive’s nature is to want to please her Dom.”
“Great, so you’ll be thrilled while I’m slowly losing my self-respect.”
He cupped her cheek. “It’s not one-sided. I want to please you, too. Always. Sometimes, I have to balance that with what you need. Don’t you think that, instead of spanking you, I would have ten times rather made love to you?”
“So you spanked me for my benefit?” She sounded incredulous. “You didn’t enjoy it at all.”
“Maybe a little,” he confessed. “But yeah, mostly for you. Afterward, didn’t you feel a sense of happiness and calm? A desire to give that back? Didn’t you feel closer to me?”
Her stunned expression told Hunter that Kata was, even now, wondering if he could read her mind.
Hunter drew her closer, both soothed and fired up by the feel of her naked body and lush breasts against him. “I want to protect and love you, not crush you. Not cage you. I push you hard in bed because you’re a woman with backbone and you have the strength to submit with grace. For me, earning your submission is a pleasure unto itself. If you ever feel like you’re giving too much of yourself away, use your safe word. We will pause whatever’s happening and talk. Once I return from active duty, we’ll go more slowly. But you don’t need those papers, honey. You need to trust that I know what’s best for both of us.”
As more tears flooded her eyes, she pressed her mouth into a grim line. Hunter realized that, even though she thought divorce was the right option, actually leaving him was hurting her. It warmed his heart—and hardened his resolve.
“That someone is you. I won’t undo this marriage without a genuine reason. Fear alone doesn’t qualify.” He thrust his fingers into her hair and gripped, pulling her mouth just under his. “I’m going to earn your trust, show you how good it is between us. You’ll give a lot to me, but honey, I’ll give back everything and more. I’m back on active duty Sunday. Just give me until then to prove it.”
She blinked as she considered his words. It took everything inside him not to lay his mouth over hers and ravage it. Her mind rebelled against how incredible their dynamic was, but when he commanded her surrender, she stopped thinking and started feeling. He had to get her back to that place, where her sensations and emotions ruled, not her fear. He’d given her his discipline, and she’d need more, but she also needed his tenderness.
Dipping his head, he nipped at her bottom lip with his teeth, then soothed the little sting away with his tongue. She gasped. He covered her sweetly parted lips with his own, barely restraining the urge to throw her on her back, spread her thighs, get deep inside her, and love her thoroughly so she’d know he cherished her.
She tasted sweet, and Hunter’s knees all but melted out from under him as he thrust slowly into her mouth. For a thin moment, she stiffened. But he soothed her with a gentle caress up her back, held her nape with a firm grip. She softened against him and clung to his biceps.
Like diving into warm waters in search of treasure, he patiently eased down, ever deeper, until she rose up on her toes, welcoming him unconsciously. His tongue danced around hers, a long caress, a silent promise of more to come. Her soft whimper went straight to his cock.
As soon as he heard it, he eased back, softly brushing her lips with his own, laving at them for the span of a heartbeat before pulling away. Rising on tiptoes, Kata pressed closer, throwing her arms around his neck, grabbing at the short strands of his hair. At the moment she merely wanted him. But he intended to stay at her until she begged. Until she couldn’t walk away.
Dusting kisses across her jaw, Hunter smoothed his free hand down the small of her back, over her hip, caressing one fingertip along the outside of her thigh, edging toward her ass . . . but never quite touching her there. He repeated each movement in a random pattern, adding a press of thumb along her upper thigh, a sweep of knuckles over the curve of her hip, a feathery touch to the sensitive bit of flesh just above her butt. He breathed against the soft skin behind her ear.
Kata mewled and shivered.
“Those sounds you make, honey? They undo me,” he whispered into her ear.
She shifted her body restlessly against him, her pebbled nipples brushing over his chest. Closer, she moved, her hips sliding against his own. Hunter grabbed her, stilled her. So the little vixen sought to rob his control by rubbing that sweet pussy against his cock? He’d allow that . . . eventually. But not until she was ready to hand complete control of her body to him and able to see that she would be just fine.
“On my flight back here,” he murmured, “I spent hours fantasizing about you. I’m going to find every way possible to make you come.”
Her breath caught. She arched against him now, silently pleading with her body. That was good . . . but not good enough. He wanted her mind, her heart, her soul.
Hunter trailed his mouth over the soft, musky scent concentrated in the groove of her neck and shoulder. He nipped at the tender skin, then sucked it as all the nerves awakened. He licked her in that same spot, teasing her with sensation. When she shuddered, he smiled.
The hell he couldn’t. He drifted a hand up to her waist, trailing lightly over her ribs, to rest just under one of her heavy, swollen breasts.
“Why not, honey?” He nestled his thumb just beneath it in a barely there touch and forced himself not to move, knowing it would leave her wanting more. “You think we shouldn’t or that I’m incapable?”
No hiding her shiver from him. “I’m sure you can. It’s not a good idea.”
“I would love nothing more than to spread you across my bed and find out exactly how much I can arouse you with my hands,” he murmured into her ear, the hand at her nape tracing light little circles on her skin. “Discover the exact pressure to apply to your gorgeous, rosy nipples to make them stand up and beg for more. I want to make your pussy not just wet, but juicy. My goal is to run my hand across every inch of your silky skin until I’ve touched you every way possible.”
Kata drew in a shuddering breath and pressed tighter against him. Her nipples engorged again. Repressing a smile, he eased back just enough to see the flush crawl up her chest. Perfect.
He kissed the corner of her mouth. When she tried to press her lips flush to his, Hunter veered away to dust kisses along her jaw. Slowly, he worked his way to her other ear.
“Then I want to put my fingers inside you.”
“Hunter, stop.” The tone was forceful, but her breathing sounded harsh and shallow.
He smiled, then nipped at her lobe. “Honey, I’m just getting started. I can’t wait to feel my way into the hot clasp of your cunt. It’s a silky vise, and I’m dying to find that so-sensitive spot inside you again, brush my thumb over your clit, and watch you go crazy for me.”
Kata grabbed his face and forced him to meet her stare. Her eyes looked wild and startlingly green. A dusky rose flushed her normally olive cheeks. And her lips were red, swollen. Everything about her grabbed him by the cock, the heart, and refused to let go.
“Don’t do this.” Her pleading voice was a low mewl.
“Don’t tell you how good I’m dying to make you feel? I don’t want to stop, honey.”
She shook her head, tried to back away. “We have great sex, God knows, but you’re not hearing me. I can’t be what you want, and sex is only going to muddy the waters.”