Stupid Boy

As if on a fast-spinning carousel, I spun, faster and faster, and in the next instant I saw Murphy’s face, Detective Shanks’ face, and back and forth and spinning by so fast until I slipped, falling, my body jerking uncontrollably. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. The monster was out of me, I just knew it. I felt myself choking, coughing. Someone was going to see. I’d be put in an asylum. Tremors began to shake my body, uncontrolled, jerking.

Then, an ominous wall of darkness fell completely over my eyes.

* * *

“Hey, there you are.”

My eyes slowly fluttered open. Murphy stared down at me. A man—Detective Frank Shanks—stared down at me, too.

Along with what looked like half of Winston U.

“Harper, you had a seizure,” Detective Shanks offered. “Do you have epilepsy? How do you feel now?”

I tried to sit up, but he kept his large hand on my shoulder. “No, honey,” he said. His voice was gruff, sandy, but steady. “You stay right there. I’ve called an ambulance.”

I pushed up against him, my head spinning. “No, call them off,” I said. “I don’t need an ambulance. I’m fine.” I looked at him, and my fears returned. “No…epilepsy.”

I sat up now, and he allowed it. I glanced at Murphy, and her face was drawn tight in concern. Behind her, others were drawn in horror.

“You are a difficult girl to locate,” Detective Shanks said. “You’re all grown up now.” His face pulled in worry. “Just rest, Harper. Take it easy until the ambulance arrives. We can talk later, okay?”

Talk later? What had he found out? Had anyone heard his words? My eyes darted around at the eyes peering down at me. “I’m…fine. Really. Can I stand?” I wasn’t; my head hurt, and my insides felt sick. Detective Shanks brought back all of those horrors from so long ago. That night. The days I stayed crammed beneath the kitchen cabinet. He helped me stand, and I forced myself to be steady.

“You’ll have to come back,” I said hastily to Detective Shanks. I turned and wobbled, but forced my legs to carry me. To push me through the crowd. “I…can’t talk right now. No ambulance.”

He didn’t follow me; that surprised me. I pushed my way through the onlookers, and their faces all blurred as I passed by. They stared at me as if I were a monster, just like Corinne Belle had said they would. I had to leave. Had to get away, before someone came to take me to the asylum. My legs were weak but still I hurried, as fast as I could, until Delta House was in sight. Murphy was right behind me.

“Harper, wait,” she kept insisting. “Harper!”

I climbed the steps, stumbled to the door, and stood. I’d left my bag. My purse. My key. Tears began to fall, and then Murphy was beside me.

“Here, I’ve got it,” she said softly. “I’ve got your belongings, too.” She swiped the key and we both went inside. I ambled to the steps, and she followed right behind me. “Harper,” she said. “Love, you’ve got to rest.” Inside my room, I aimed for my bed. Murphy followed me there, and set my belongings on the floor. When I laid down, I turned on my side, facing away from her.

“That detective gave me his card,” she said, and set it on the nightstand. “I’ll stay with you. Harper, what’s going on?”

It was the first time Murphy had ever questioned me about my personal life. “I can’t say, Murphy. No,” I mumbled. “Please don’t stay.”

“I can’t just leave you here. After that.”

“Yes you can,” I answered. “Just go.”

“You call me if you need me,” she offered quietly. “I’ll be around until tomorrow.”

I didn’t say anything. Then I heard the door close, and finally, I breathed. My eyes drifted shut, and tears fell down my face as I once again cried myself to sleep.

Detective Shanks. How had he found me? And what did he want? After all this time, he’d brought the nightmares back to me. I didn’t want them. I wanted them gone. Forever.

I suppose that just wasn’t going to happen. Ever.

* * *

I slept through the night, and by morning, the news had spread about my demons. My psychotic breakdown had finally happened, right in front of the whole school. And just like Olivia, I’d become an overnight YouTube sensation at Winston. Corinne Belle had warned me it would happen if I wasn’t careful. No one really knew the extent of my demons, though, and for that I was grateful. Brax and Olivia had come by, Murphy had let them in, and I’d spoken briefly to them both. I’d pasted on a brave face, told them very little, and had sent them on their way. Olivia’s face was drawn in concern, but I tried to convince her I was fine. Despite my humiliation of becoming a campus star, I found I wanted to just…disappear. Leave. And hopefully, everyone would forget the incident over the holiday break.

“Won’t you change your mind and come with us for Christmas?” Olivia offered. “It’d be good for you to get away.”

“Thanks,” I said. “But my grandmother is expecting me.”

Olivia watched me for a moment, seeing through my façade, but she nodded. “Okay,” she answered. “But I’m only a phone call away.” She cocked her head. “You shouldn’t be driving, Harper.”

“I’ll be careful,” I insisted. “Thanks, Olivia.”

I watched her and Brax leave, and not too far behind them, Murphy left. But she first begged me once more to come home with her. I graciously declined. Finally, I was the last one at Delta House. The campus already had that empty feeling that I usually didn’t mind. Now? It felt like a shell. An empty husk. Like me. Gathering my belongings, I shouldered my bag, placed it into the trunk of the Lexus, and left Winston.