Stupid Boy

Before I could say anything else, he stood, dragging me up with him. “Let’s put all this gloomy talk behind us for now and eat. Olivia’s mom—she’s like a food fairy or something. It’s amazing.”

I laughed, and he stopped on his way to pulling me toward Brax’s small kitchen and turned me around to face him. With his big hands, he framed my face, tilted my head, and lowered his mouth to mine. In his kiss I felt urgency; hunger. Desperation. Or maybe I was confusing his reactions with mine? I clung to him, learned how to taste, learned how to savor. Learned. It was all so new. Exciting.

And I knew there was much, much more.

As if he’d read my thoughts, Kane pulled back, breathless, and rested his brow against mine. His mouth moved to my ear. “It would be so damn easy not to stop,” he whispered, and kissed my jaw. “So damn easy.”

I breathed in. Out. “Then don’t,” I said quietly.

Kane shifted just enough to look at me, and his smile was warm, inviting, and oh so genuine. “I have to live with myself, Harper,” he said. Smiled. Kissed me again. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…when the time is right.”

Without words ever being spoken, Kane knew I was a virgin. Of course he did. If I’d never been kissed before, odds were I’d never had sex before, either. I felt pretty positive Kane had lost his virginity a long while back. Yet he was willing to wait. For me? The feelings I had were a myriad of fears and hopes and desires. But one thing I’d come to recognize.

I liked the person I was with Kane. I felt like I wanted to laugh. Wanted to make jokes. I felt like eating a pizza, watching a movie. I actually felt…normal.

As long as no one else found out about my attacks. About my shady past.

About who I truly, truly was.

“Can there be lots of practice kissing while we wait?” I asked shyly.

In those profound eyes, I recognized desire. Laughter. And he pulled me against him, kissed my jaw, my lips, the end of my nose. Then he moved that sensual mouth to the soft outer shell of my ear.

“I’ll kiss you anytime you want,” he whispered.

And then he did just that.

And I knew then, without a doubt in my abnormal, warped mind, that I was lost.

Lost, forever.

The last day of November came and went; only two and a half more weeks of the fall semester. Two and a half more weeks before the Dare would be revealed. Two and a half more weeks before I’d have to make the trip back to Belle House. For Christmas. To Oakview.

Alone.

I had regrets. Mainly, the Dare. I’d decided to talk to Murphy about it, see what she thought without giving too much away.

In my haze of budding romance with Kane, I’d forgotten how cunningly sharp Murphy Polk was.

“Hey,” I said, walking up to her in the library. I draped my satchel over the back of the chair, pulled it out and sat beside her.

Tucking her lob behind her ears, her eyes assessed me, and she furrowed her brows. “Oh, I don’t fancy that look. Not one bit.”

“What look?” I asked. “How do you see a look?”

“Oh, I see one,” she said. She pointed with her finger. “I can tell by that wee little wrinkle betwixt your brows there.” She winked. “It’s a definite look. And a dodgy one at that.”

I sighed, studied the wooden tabletop for a second or two, then looked at her. “Kane isn’t right for the Dare. The Dare isn’t right, and I was stupid for suggesting it. I want to stop it.”

That profound stare—similar, sometimes, to Kane’s—eyed me long. Hard. And with such precision, I’d thought she had the super power of seeing straight through me. Me, and my façade.

Then, the Cheshire Cat smile.

“You do like him,” she stated, matter-of-factly. One brow lifted. “Mayhap even love.” Then her eyes rounded, and white showed completely around the hazel part. “Bugger me—you’ve had sex with him! You little minx!”

My face paled. “I—no! Murphy, be quiet!”

She laughed. “Bloody hell, Harper ol’ girl, I didn’t realize you were on the pull,” she continued to grin. Shake her head. “Damn me.”

I didn’t know what on the pull meant, but she had it all wrong. “No, Murphy,” I insisted. “We have not had sex. And I’ve not…pulled anything.”

Her face screwed up before she burst out laughing. She slapped her hand over her mouth. “Well, why not? There’s not a thing wrong with a good rumpy-pumpy,” she winked, “or a bit o’ slap and tickle—”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed, then caught myself. “Murphy! Stop it!” I hissed.

A slow, wide smile captured her face. “Well now. There’s something I don’t see too often enough.” She leaned closer, her knowing eyes roving my face. “Me thinks you’ve been a poser all this time, Ms. Belle. I rather fancy this new you.”

I sighed. “I don’t know what to do,” I confessed. “I didn’t think I’d, you know…”

“Fall for him?”

I didn’t want to completely confess it, so I just sort of shrugged. Gave a wan smile. Murphy pulled me into a hug, timid, at first, because she was used to me backing away. But I allowed it. And she hugged harder.

“Right. Well, what shall we do, hmm?” she looked at me. “Damn Josh, all he worries over are his twig and berries. I mean he’s totally fit and all, but,” she blew out a breath. “He’s been a challenge, I’ll say.” She shrugged. “But I sort of like him, too. And Leslie? She’s got Jason eating out of her hand like a bloody dog searching for treats. I personally think that one’s off his trolley, but that’s neither here nor there.”