Slumber
Page 31I hid my smile. Last night, L had made quite a stink when I told her she was staying with her family, that I would be alright now that I had Wolfe with me. She’d given Wolfe, in his fine clothing, with his nice hair and skin, a dubious look. Wolfe had good-naturedly let her pick at his ‘obvious uselessness’ as she called it. I felt an ache in my chest as L had gone on and on, pretending to be put out. She was worried about me.
I took the knife and held her gaze. “You and your family must come to Silvera to see me, L. I’ll arrange it.” I nodded hopefully, looking past her to Sarah and Jonas. They smiled at the idea so I took that to mean yes.
“Ye isn’t meaning that,” L sniffed, kicking dirt on the path self-consciously, not looking me in the eyes. “Ye’ll go back to yer fancy world and forget all about me and mine.”
“L.” I grinned, grabbing her arms. “L, you’re just about the most unforgettable person I’ve ever met. And if you don’t come to see me in Silvera, then I’m going to crawl all the way back up this mountain to you.”
She reddened a little but she looked please. “Well no need to be gettin’ all melodramatic on me,” she drawled, waving me off.
I laughed, feeling that pang again. I felt as if I’d known her forever, and I was sorry to leave her and her family up here in these forsaken hills. I’d be back for them though. I was going to make sure they never had to worry about anything again. Ignoring L’s gruffness I tugged her into a hug and was surprised by how tight she held me. After a moment she patted me on the back and pulled away. Both our eyes were bright.
“Ye be careful,” she warned and then peered around me to Wolfe. She threw him her famous scowl. “Ye be watchin’ o’er this one, Captain Wolfe.”
“I promise, Miss Moss.”
“Miss Moss,” L muttered under her breath and then threw me a look. “Ye ever heard the likes.” Still muttering under her breath like an old woman, L turned on her heel to join her family on the porch. Wolfe and I waved one last time and then I walked away with him in a mixture of reluctance and anticipation.
We’d been walking an hour and still Wolfe hadn’t said a word to me. The tension between us was thick and uncomfortable; even my teeth ached with it. I concentrated on watching where I was going, thankful to Sarah who had healed all my new blisters again. I’d probably have a few by the time we got off the mountains but maybe not so many. My feet were already feeling harder and stronger. That morning as I’d pulled on L’s trousers and shirt, I realised how much weight I’d lost since I’d left Silvera. My calves and thighs had slimmed with muscle, my stomach flatter from eating sparingly and walking the hills. Still, despite our similar heights, L was wiry and I was still curvy; she wore her trousers tight, and on me they were indecent. I’d forgotten all about propriety up in the mountains without anyone from home to see me. But now that Wolfe was around, I was suddenly painfully aware of how revealing these clothes were. I had put my borrowed coat on over the top of the trousers and shirt before Wolfe had seen them. I wouldn’t be removing it.
The silence continued between us, Wolfe keeping a careful distance, enough for me to know he wasn’t speaking with me, but not enough so he couldn’t keep an eye on me. I kept waiting for his explosion of indignation and anger, and when it didn’t come I was strangely hurt.
The tension only grew thicker as the afternoon wore on and we found ourselves at the outskirts of Shadow Hill. Before I could warn Wolfe, he turned to me with a finger to his lips, hushing me. He knew about Shadow Hill. Either the Moss’ had warned him, or he may have already met Brint in Hope o’Hill and Brint had warned him. We moved on the outskirts of the town with stealth and quiet, the voices in the distance making my heart pound. I grew unbearably warm under my coat. It was with a sigh of relief when we made it past the Hill without incident, and carried on at a quicker pace down the mountain. Again, we were making good time at this speed.
An hour or so later I heard the trickle of the stream in the distance and something about the wood seemed familiar. I shivered. We were close to where I’d been taken by the Mountain Man. Without explaining, I picked up my feet, almost running to get away from the spot, my skin crawling, my neck prickling. I felt as if his shadow was watching me, taunting me. I shuddered in revulsion and began to run. The sounds of Wolfe’s running footsteps grew louder and closer, but I couldn’t stop.
Abruptly, I was forced to a halt, Wolfe’s hand catching my arm and dragging me around to face him. His features were fierce with anger, the golden striations in his blue eyes prominent with passion. “What the hell were you thinking?!” He yelled, not caring if his voice carried now that we were miles from Shadow Hill.
I struggled to get out of his grip. “I just felt like running.”
“Not that Rogan,” he bit out, his jaw clenched. He looked close to violence. I struggled harder to get away from him, but he only pulled me closer. “I’m talking about you running off from Arrana, alone without an escort; about lying to me and making a fool of me; of nearly getting yourself raped and killed!”
Like always his overbearing attitude caused my knee jerk reaction – to dispute him. “Nearly. Nearly, alright. I managed well enough without you, Wolfe.”
“Will you stop yelling? Are you trying to get us into bother?” I hissed, glancing around to make sure we were still alone.
“Stop trying to wriggle your way out of discussing it.”
Using all my strength, I tugged out of Wolfe’s grasp, my own face now red with frustration and anger. “Did you ever stop to consider I might not be ready to discuss it?”
Wolfe’s expression changed instantly. He slumped, his eyes grew anxious. “Rogan…”
I shook my head.
He nodded, his lips pinched tight. “Fine. But what about my first question? You ran away, Rogan. From me. You knew I would come after you and as far as you knew I had no way of knowing which way you went. I could have got lost up here, Rogan.”
Guilt gnawed at me, and I shook my head in denial. “No. I didn’t… I thought if you did chance into the mountains you would bring an escort; Chaeron, or a few of the men. I didn’t think you would be foolish enough to come all the way into the Mountains after me alone.”
“You’re lying,” he hissed in my face, causing me to flinch. “You knew I’d come after you, Rogan, you had to have known that.”
I clenched my own jaw trying to stop the tears that choked me. Hanging my head, I didn’t say anything in return. Was he right? Had I known Wolfe loved me enough to do that? I knew what kind of man he was. Because of my fear of being alone with him, a fear of my own damn feelings, had I selfishly put him in danger? I didn’t know. I had no response. There was nothing I could say.
All this time I’d fretted that his parentage meant perhaps he didn’t deserve me. But really… I didn’t deserve him.
“I don’t know what I was thinking. I just knew I had to get this plant. For Haydyn.”
“And still she lies,” he whispered bitterly.
We didn’t speak after that.
***
The journey downhill cut the time in half. By late night Wolfe and I broke out of the trees and into Hill o’ Hope.
I chanced a glance at Wolfe. “You came through here too?”
My mouth fell open. “He knew I was a girl?”
Wolfe rolled his eyes but not directly at me. I harrumphed. I’d so thought my disguise had worked. Had all of Hill o’ Hope known I was a girl? My cheeks flamed with embarrassment. We crossed through the quiet hill, noise, cheer and light spilling out of Hope Tavern. Wolfe didn’t stop. He was heading for the Lokam’s shack. I shook my head in wonder at the thought of Brint. He’d been such a gentleman to me. No wonder he’d seemed so concerned about letting me go into the mountains alone. He knew I was a girl!
The door to the shack opened before we even reached it and the tall figure of Brint came out. He squinted in the dark, holding up a lantern, and then grinned when he recognised us. “Well, hullo there.”
I waved and followed Wolfe up to the door.
“Brint.” Wolfe held out his hand to shake. Brint took it heartily, grinning at us both. “Could we perhaps trespass upon your hospitality one more evening, Mr Lokam?”
“No needin’ to be askin’.” He shook us off gruffly and grinned wider at me as I passed. Brint must have seen the look on my face because he said, “Ye wasn’t thinkin’ ol’ Brint was bein’ fooled by the boy’s outfit o yers? No one was but wee Tera. She be mighty embarrassed when she be told she flirted with a girl.”
Wolfe raised an eyebrow questioningly as I blushed but I refused to tell him about the night at Hope Tavern. Not that I was sure he’d appreciate me speaking to him anyway.
Anna was happy to offer us some food and ale, and they put down blankets by the fire for us to sleep on. Wolfe was so mad at me he slept at the kitchen table.
***
I didn’t think I had ever been happier to be on flat ground in my life. I celebrated my last step off the Alvernian Mountains by rushing into the arms of Lieutenant Chaeron, who, unlike Wolfe, was happy to see me. I ignored Wolfe’s grunt as he strode past us. Chaeron squeezed me hard and I pulled back. Half the Guard filled the narrow trade road leading away from the mountains. They all pretended to be indifferent to my clothing and the fact that I was informally hugging Chaeron, treating him as a friend. But he was a friend. And I was thankful to see him again.
“Another hour and be damned Wolfe’s orders, I was coming up to get you both. I am delighted to see you are well, Miss Rogan,” Chaeron smiled wearily at me. It didn’t seem as if he’d slept much since I had left.
“You too, Chaeron. I got the plant!” I whispered excitedly.
He smiled in relief and then lifted his gaze to Wolfe, who was taking off the winter coat and replacing it with his emerald jacket. We both watched as he mounted his horse, not looking back at me.
“He’s not speaking with me,” I told Chaeron forlornly.
“You frightened him, Miss Rogan. Give him time.”
I nodded, but I didn’t think even time would fix the situation between Wolfe and I. Chaeron had no idea what I’d gone through up in that mountain. For that to have happened to me, surely made Wolfe sick with impotence. He was a man who believed in protecting others. And I hadn’t let him protect me. I hadn’t trusted him.
“Don’t you wish to remove that coat, Miss Rogan?” Chaeron enquired as he pulled up beside me.
“Don’t you dare.” Wolfe was suddenly in front of us, his eyes blazing. “It’s indecent what you’re wearing, Rogan. You will not take that off in front of my men.”
“Indecent?” Chaeron’s brow furrowed.
“You saw?” I blushed, aghast.
“At the Moss’.” He nodded. “Before you put the jacket on.” A strange look entered his eyes and I could have sworn a flush rose on the crest of his cheeks. He shifted on his horse and then glared at me. “Keep it on.” And then he headed off, leading the way for me and Chaeron to move through the men (who all nodded their relieved greetings at me) so we were in front of the entourage.
“Indecent?” Chaeron asked again.
I shrugged, throwing him a sheepish look. “I’m wearing trousers. They leave little to the imagination.”
“Ah.” Chaeron shifted his gaze to Wolfe who began to gallop off ahead of us. His mouth broke into a wide, knowing grin. “I think you’ll be fine, Miss Rogan. You and Wolfe both.”
It was cold and black as tar outside by the time we entered Arrana and were allowed entrance into the Vojvoda’s home. I still had the coat on, and after a day of blazing heat in the valley, my clothes were sticking to me. I needed a warm bath, badly.
As soon as I was inside, Chaeron took care of everything. I was taken to the room I had been given before and I watched impatiently as the servants filled a tin tub with hot water, leaving rose scented soap out for me. After the last maid had laid out one of my dresses for me, I shooed them out and began taking off L’s now dirty clothing. Sinking into the tub was like sinking into my own piece of haven. I breathed a sigh of relief, not really able to comprehend that I had succeeded in retrieving the plant; that I was off those forsaken mountains. I felt as if I’d spent months up there.
I broke into hysterical sobs. My chest ached with the harsh racking, my throat closing and unclosing as I struggled to draw breath, tears burning my cheeks as they rolled down one after the other as quick as rainfall. I hugged my body, trying to blot out of the memory of the Mountain Man, assuring myself my body was mine, and mine alone, and that he’d never get near me again.
“My Lady?” a voice asked softly, followed by a tapping on the door.
I swiped at my tears and shuddered in air. “I’m fine,” I called out, my voice quavering. “I’m alright.”
“Are ye sure, my Lady?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
I waited for the sounds of fading footsteps and then reached for the soap, scrubbing the bar over my body and lathering it into my hair. I couldn’t think about the bad things that had happened to me in Alvernia. I had to think of the good. Like Brint. And L. Especially L. Had I really only known her a matter of days? I smiled through my tears, thinking of gruff L who had saved my life and burrowed her way into my much guarded heart. Haydyn would love L. I couldn’t wait for them to meet. I couldn’t wait to repay the Moss’ for all of their help.