Shadowspell

But letting anyone know my mom was an alcoholic wasn’t half as bad as admitting what I’d promised the Erlking. Honestly, what do you call someone who promises sex in return for a favor? I knew only too well, and my face was burning just thinking about it.

“You can tell me, you know,” Kimber said quietly, and I heard the hurt in her voice. “Whatever it is, I’m not going to think less of you. You rescued Ethan when no one else was even willing to try.”

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. Kimber probably thought I’d promised to help the Erlking kill someone. Someone other than the Faerie Queens, that is. As far as anyone could tell, that was all he was really interested in. In the grand scheme of things, killing someone was a lot worse than bartering my body, but I think I’d have had an easier time admitting that than the truth.

“I can’t talk about it, Kimber,” I said. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

“Fine,” she said in a tone that meant it was far from fine. “Whatever.”

“Kimber…”

“I said fine! You don’t want to talk about it, we won’t talk about it. I’m still grateful you helped Ethan.” The words were right, but the tone stayed frosty and distant.

I wished I could think of something to say to make it all better, but nothing leapt to mind. The best I could do was change the subject and hope that over time, Kimber would come to forgive me. Or that I’d eventually dig up the courage to tell her the truth, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

“How’s Ethan doing?” I asked. “I haven’t heard from him at all.”

There was a long silence during which I had no idea what Kimber was thinking. Then she answered, and she didn’t sound cold anymore, just worried. “Physically, he’s just about back to normal. But … he’s not the same. He won’t talk about what happened, and he keeps saying he’s fine, but he’s not.”

My conscience twinged a bit more. It must really suck for Kimber to be shut out from both sides. Did that mean I was going to have a change of heart and confide in her? Uh, no.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean aside from the stupid tattoo, he looks like Ethan, but he isn’t Ethan. He hasn’t cracked a smile since he came back, and he’s been all quiet and broody. I never thought I’d say it, but I miss the arrogant prick.”

That almost made me laugh, but not quite. “He doesn’t seem to want to talk to me,” I said. “I called a couple of times, but he doesn’t answer and doesn’t return the calls. Does he … does he blame me for what happened?”

Kimber might be pissed at me and hurt that I wouldn’t confide in her, but I guess she was still my friend, because she came right to my defense. “Of course not! How many times do I have to tell you it’s not your fault?”

“Yeah, well, even if it’s not, that doesn’t mean he can’t blame me for it.”

“I swear I will beat the crap out of him if he does.”

This time I couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped me. “I’d pay money to see that.”

“I’ll bet. But seriously, Dana. I don’t know why he’s not returning your calls, but I’d be shocked if it was because he blames you. He’s just not himself these days, and whatever’s wrong, I don’t know how to fix it, and neither does our father.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, though I wasn’t quite sure for what. Maybe everything.

After I hung up with Kimber, I decided that I would do to Ethan what he had done to me. He wasn’t willing to return my calls? Fine. I’d just have to go see him in person. And, thanks to the Erlking’s thoughtful gift, I’d actually be able to go see Ethan without an entourage at my back. It wasn’t the kind of risk I’d ordinarily take, but I’d already seen how well the Erlking’s brooch worked. When I invoked its powers, I was completely invisible. Therefore, I could leave my safe house all by myself and be in absolutely no danger. That was the theory, at least, and it was time to put it to the test.

Chapter twenty-one

My best chance of getting to Ethan without anyone knowing I’d left my safe house was to go at night, after I was supposed to be in bed. Finn rarely set foot in my suite, always keeping to himself unless I initiated contact, but I didn’t trust my luck. If I decided to go during the middle of the day, that would be the one day Finn decided to come check on me for some reason.

I felt like a total dork for doing it, but I spent a good half hour figuring out what to wear for my forbidden excursion. I doubted Ethan would have cared about my outfit under normal circumstances, and he was even less likely to care now. But that didn’t stop me from changing three times. I finally decided on jeans, paired with a simple white button-down and a gorgeous, sinfully soft gray cashmere sweater my mom had bought me.

The outfit didn’t look terribly special—which was kinda the point. The last thing I wanted was for Ethan to think I’d dressed up for him, even if I had. On the plus side, if Ethan decided to give me a hug, he couldn’t help but like the delicious texture of the cashmere.

I rolled my eyes at myself as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, braiding my hair so it wouldn’t get all electric from my sweater. This wasn’t a date, or even anything that vaguely resembled one. I was going to talk to Ethan to see if I could find out what was wrong, and that meant the chances of him enjoying the softness of the cashmere were slim to none.