Sempre

She smiled. “I don’t think Carmine will fit.”

“I don’t think so either,” Carmine said, chuckling. “Not even my dick would fit in that thing.”

* * *

There were more presents to open, and afterward they ate the cake. The three of them watched movies and listened to music all night, the evening feeling more like a regular day than a celebration. Haven felt ridiculous for her anxiety over it all, grateful to be able to relax with friends.

Friends. It was still surreal to her that she had people in her life she could call friends.

“So, have the two of you thought about what you’re doing next year?” Dia asked eventually. “I’m guessing you’re not going to be staying in Durante much longer.”

Haven glanced at Carmine, who just shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me. If she marries me, I’ll follow her to the gates of Hell.”

Dia had been taking a drink but choked, spraying soda all over herself. Coughing, she threw her hands into the air. “Did you say marry you?”

“Yes.”

“You proposed?” Dia jumped up and grabbed Haven’s hand. “Where’s the ring?”

Carmine groaned. “I didn’t have one.”

“Did you at least get down on one knee?” she asked. Carmine shook his head, and she smacked him on the arm. “What kind of freaking proposal is that?”

“Not a real one,” he said. “I asked if she’d marry me someday.”

“That’s even worse!” Dia tried to hit him again, but he was prepared and dodged the blow.

“Shit, stop hitting me. It’s not like I planned it. It just came out.”

She shook her head. “All the planning you put into Valentine’s Day, and you completely blow the proposal.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but Haven chimed in before he could. “I don’t need any of that stuff.”

Carmine smirked. “See, Warhol? I didn’t fuck up.”

“You still could’ve gotten down on one knee.”

Carmine chuckled. “Well, I may have gotten between her knees, if you know what I mean.”

Rolling her eyes, Dia sat down. “So you banged. I’m sure that was romantic.”

“We didn’t bang,” Carmine said. “We made love.”

* * *

Carmine’s presence was scarce the next two weeks, even more so than before. He would slip out of the house for school while Haven was still asleep and wouldn’t get home from football practice until dinnertime. After they ate, the two of them would head upstairs, where Carmine did his homework before going straight to bed.

They didn’t even sleep in the same room most nights anymore.

Haven’s shame grew as the days passed, and Carmine’s demeanor shifted along with hers. Falling back into old patterns, he would lose his temper and lash out, and Haven would brush it off, despite that his words often hurt.

It was Friday evening, and Carmine’s first game of the year. Haven’s palms were sweaty when she climbed in the driver’s seat of Dominic’s car at around seven o’clock. It’s for Carmine, she told herself. No amount of people would get in her way of supporting him.

When she reached the school, the noise from the stadium could be heard from the parking lot, the announcer on the loudspeaker screeching above them all. She stood by the car, trying to gather the courage to move, when someone grabbed her shoulder. Her heart pounded furiously as she swung around, her hands protectively covering her face.

“Whoa,” Nicholas said. “It’s just me.”

She dropped her hands. “What do you want?”

“Do I have to want something? I figured I’d walk you inside.”

“If you’re hoping to hurt Carmine by having him see us together, you can just leave.”

“Honestly, that hadn’t crossed my mind, but now that you mention it . . .”

“Good-bye, Nicholas.” Her frustration was enough to make her legs finally move. She made it a few feet when she noticed a group of girls blocking the entrance, with Lisa in the center.

“I thought you might like an escort past the firing squad,” Nicholas said, walking up behind her. “But if you’d rather go alone—”

“No.”

Sighing, he pressed his hand against her back. “Come on, then.”

She walked again, staring at the ground, and heard laughter as they approached the stadium.

“Picking up Carmine’s leftovers?” Lisa asked. “I didn’t realize you were that desperate.”

Nicholas shook his head. “Do you even hear yourself? You used to be his main course. If I were desperate, I’d be with you instead.”

He pulled Haven toward the ticket booth and paid for his ticket, but she just stood there, frantic. She hadn’t considered that she would need money. “I, uh . . . I didn’t think . . .”

His brow furrowed as he reached for his wallet again. Tossing a few dollars at the lady working, he grabbed a second ticket and handed it to her. She tried to object, not wanting him to pay for her, but she had no other way to get in the game.

He led her to the bleachers, his walk more of a strut as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his cargo pants. His shoulders slumped, his dingy ball cap concealing his gaze as Haven scanned the crowd, spotting Dia in a center section.

Before she could thank Nicholas, he’d already slipped away.

Haven headed up the bleachers, her nervousness waning as she took a seat beside Dia. Haven waved at Carmine on the sidelines, but he just stared at her from the field, expressionless. She wasn’t surprised—another one of his moods, she guessed. It was certainly nothing new these days.

The coach called his name, drawing his attention away, and he headed onto the field without another glance in her direction.

* * *

The spectators were as rowdy as Haven remembered from the year before, but this time she was more at ease in the crowd. Her body buzzed with excitement by the time the game came to a close, and Carmine ran straight for the locker rooms as the crowd descended upon the field.

Haven and Dia headed over to the grassy knoll to wait. She stood near the chain-link fence as Dia strolled around taking pictures.

A throat cleared as Nicholas leaned against the fence beside her. “I know—me again. I forgot to tell you a joke.”

“Go ahead.”

“Did you hear—?”

Before he could finish, Carmine’s harsh voice rang out, shouting Nicholas’s name as he hastily approached. A chill shot down Haven’s spine, her stomach dropping when she saw his hands clenched into fists. Nicholas took a step away. “Look, I don’t want any trouble.”

Carmine laughed bitterly, shoving him. “If you didn’t want any trouble, you wouldn’t be here.”

“I was just talking to her, man.”

“And what right do you have to do that, huh? Stop using her to get to me!”

Nicholas glared at him. “If anyone’s using her, it’s you! It’s sick what you’re doing! You have her fooled into believing you care!”

Carmine’s fist connected with Nicholas’s jaw at those words. His head snapped to the side from the blow, blood spurting from his mouth. He wiped it away, stunned, as Carmine shouted, “Stay the fuck away! She’s mine, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let you take her from me!”

“You possessive bastard! If you loved her, you wouldn’t say things like that!”

That set Carmine off. Pouncing, he knocked Nicholas to the ground as Haven clutched the fence and yelled for help. A group of boys intervened at the sound of the commotion, hauling them off the ground and separating the two. Dia forced her way through the crowd as she frantically looked around. “What happened?”

Carmine ignored the question as he turned to glare at Haven. “Out of everybody, why does it have to be him? Are you trying to hurt me? Is that what this shit is about?”

She blinked a few times, stunned by his anger. “What?”

“You heard me. I give you space, thinking that’s what you want. And I get it, Haven. I fucking get it. You’re hurt. But you can talk to him? You can smile at him? Is it me? If you don’t want to be with me, tell me.”

“I do!” His words stung. “I love you!”

“You have a fucking funny way of showing it,” he spat. “I’ve changed my life for you. I’d kill for you. Fuck, I’d die for you! Just tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what to do.”

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I can’t.”

“You can’t?” he asked with disbelief. “You don’t get it, do you? You don’t know what I’ve given up for you. You don’t know what I’ve lost because of you!”

Those words hit her hard. She gasped, everything clouding over as her hand shot out, striking him across the face. He cupped his cheek, the shock from the blow melting his anger. Haven covered her mouth before running for the exit, needing to think, needing to be away from him so she could make sense of what she’d done.

She had hit him. Him. She was going to be sick.

Shoving past people, she hurried out of the stadium, fumbling in her pocket for the keys. A horn blared as she nearly backed into another car, and she slammed the brakes to let them pass, her hands violently shaking. Tears obstructed her vision as she pulled out onto the road and sped through the busy town.

She drove toward the house but was too scared to stop. Too scared to face it. Too scared to lose him. She passed the driveway, continuing down the highway in the dark. It took a few minutes for it to dawn on her where the road led, her shame reaching an all-time high when she drove past the sign that read WELCOME TO AURORA LAKE.

Haven pulled into the small lot and sat in silence for a moment, struggling to breathe. She felt like she had been sucked into a twister, the world spinning as her body shook. She climbed out of the car, thinking she’d be sick, and forced the fresh air in her lungs as she stumbled toward the sand.

She ended up at a dock and strolled down it, glancing out at the lake. Moonlight reflected off the dark water, and she stared into the blackness, soothed by it.

Casual footsteps approached eventually. “Please don’t jump. I really don’t want to go in after you. It’s probably cold.”

She smiled at Nicholas’s nonchalance. “I’m not going to jump.”

“Good,” he said as he stopped beside her, his lip busted, bruises already forming on his skin.

Haven frowned as she peeked at him. “I’m sorry he hit you for talking to me.”

He waved her off. “He’d never apologize, so don’t do it for him.”

She said nothing, staring back out at the water.

Nicholas sighed. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

“I shouldn’t have come.”

“But you did.”

“I did.” She was quiet for a moment, debating what to say. “It was my birthday.“

“Really? Well, happy birthday.”

She smiled sadly before saying the words she had longed to say for days, ones she swallowed back whenever Carmine was near. “There’s nothing happy about the day I was born.”