Scarred

“You know, Lexi, I would die if anything ever happened to you.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me, mom.”

“There’s so much crime. Even here in Jonesville, Lexi. You have to be careful.”

“Mom, Jonesville is one of the safest cities in the whole United States.”

“We still have crime, Lexi.” She looked at me, sorrowfully. “Don’t you watch the news?”

“I’m always careful, mom.”

“I know.” She looked around the kitchen and smiled. “It’s such a nice day today. Look at the light coming through the windows. It’s still bright out. I love it. Shall we have a picnic tonight?”

“A picnic?”

“Yes,” she laughed and opened the fridge. “Let’s go for a picnic. We could invite that nice young man of yours as well.”

“What nice young man of mine?” I sighed.

“That Luke boy.”

“Mom, he’s not my boyfriend,” I groaned, for the millionth time. “You know that.”

“Well, why isn’t he your boyfriend, Lexi? You’re not getting any younger.”

“Mom, Luke is one of my best friends. We don’t feel that way about each other.”

“You could do a lot worse than Luke.”

“Mom!” I sighed. My mom had been on at me since we graduated high school about Luke. But it had really picked up when he had made all that money from his software invention. She seemed to think that Luke was my Prince Charming.

“Well, he loves you, Lexi.” She looked at me with pained eyes. “I see the way he looks at you.”

“Mom, he loves me as a friend. We are friends.” This time I didn’t stop my eyes from rolling. “I am interested in someone else.”

“Who, Lexi?” She looked at me with a frown and I tried not to groan. I didn’t want her to know who my crush was on. She would never approve and it would only cause her pain.

“It doesn’t matter,” I sighed.

“You don’t want me to know?” Unshed tears brimmed in her eyes and I felt upset and guilty. Why couldn’t I have a normal mother? One who didn’t go in for emotional blackmail over every single thing I did?

“That’s not it, mom.”

“I’m sure Anna would tell me if I was her mom.” Cheap shot, I thought to myself.

Anna’s mom had died when we were in middle school and so she was jealous of anyone who had a mother who wanted to share in her life. I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, but I knew that wouldn’t go down very well. You could hardly say that to someone who no longer had a mom. I could hardly tell her I was jealous because she had a dad who loved and cared for her, while I didn’t. I didn’t even know who my dad was. I was the product of a one-night stand on Prom Night. The guy hadn’t wanted to be with my mom and Grandpa Webb had told my mom to leave him alone, and that he would help raise me. And he had. And he was a great grandpa. But he had died when I was ten and I’d been fatherless and grandfatherless ever since.

“So?” My mom’s peering eyes broke into my thoughts.

“Mom, let’s talk later. I can’t go on a picnic with you because I am having dinner at Luke’s tonight.” I lied. I would have to go over earlier than intended, but I knew that the Bryan’s wouldn’t mind. They loved me like a daughter and would be happy to have me join them.

“So I have to eat alone?” She frowned and I hardened my resolve.

“Yes, mom. You have to eat alone tonight.”

“But you’re my only daughter. My only family,” she cried out. “I just had a hard day at work. I wanted to relax with you.”

“Mom, I’m sorry.” I felt my resolve slipping. “Let’s have a picnic tomorrow night.”

“Fine.” She turned away from me and walked out the kitchen. I heard her mumble under her breath, “Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t give the wrong child away.”

I pretended not to hear and drank some water. I didn’t want to think about her words. I knew what she was talking about and I knew that it would devastate the whole town if they knew what had happened. I also felt ashamed of myself for feeling the way that I did. And guilty. I felt so incredibly guilty.

Chapter 4

“Bryce, there you are.” My dad frowned at me as I walked in the door. “Didn’t I tell you that I wanted to talk to you this afternoon?”

“Yes, sir.”

“So why weren’t you here when I got home?”

“I wanted to get some food, sir.”

“Won’t your mother cook for you?” My dad looked at me with disdain. “I don’t think you should be going out and wasting money while you have a mother here who is perfectly happy to cook for you.”

“Yes, sir.” I wanted to throttle his neck and ask him why he didn’t stick around for dinner. I wanted to tell him that my mother needed a husband who was around for her, who cared about her more than he cared about being Mayor.

“Well, come in the study with me, so we can chat before I have to go out.”

“Go out?” I looked at him in surprise. “Aren’t you done with work for the day?”

“No.” His look silenced my next words. “So, what’s next, Bryce?”

“Excuse me, Sir?” It was my turn to frown. My insides were still churning from seeing Lexi. I didn’t want to have to go through something with my dad as well.

“I know you just got back. And you had a honorable discharge from the Marines. Which is great.” He smiled, briefly. “I had half worried that you would be a deserter or something and I don’t know how I would have explained that.”

“Thanks, dad.” My voice was mocking.

“But thank God you didn’t embarrass me or your mother.” He continued on as if I hadn’t spoken. “Now, let’s see. You can always enroll at Notre Dame if you want.”

“I’m not sure what I want to do next.” My voice was low. I needed to find out certain things and to fix things before I thought about what was next in my life.

“You could study political science and then go to law school.” He tapped his pen against a pad. “Then you can run for State Senator a few years into practicing law.”

My body clenched at his words. He had no real care as to what I wanted to do. He only cared about his own political ambitions.

“What do you think, son?” He looked at me then and I saw myself reflected in his face. I saw who I was going to become and it made me feel ashamed. My dad was tall, with dark blond hair and big, wide, clear blue eyes that made you think that everything was okay. And he had an air about him that made you think that he cared; he made you feel like you were the only person in the world and he was going to make everything in your life alright.

As he smiled at me with his big, wide, white smile, I was once again taken aback by how sincere he seemed. The only thing was that, after twenty-three years of living with him, I knew the truth.

He was an egomaniac, who didn’t care who he hurt. My mother and I were just part of the package that went along with being the Mayor. We were the loose ends that made him seem even more perfect. Everyone in Jonesville thought that my dad was the bee’s knees, the perfect, loving, caring family man and that he could do no wrong. I knew better. He was a golden boy, just as much as I was.

“I’ll think about it,” I smiled, to keep the peace; I didn’t want him to know my real plans.

“Great. Now run along to the kitchen and go help your mother.”

“Yes, sir.” I stood up. “Shall I tell her you won’t be joining us for dinner?”

He looked at me briefly and checked his watch. “Yes. I’m afraid I have a late dinner meeting.”

“Uh huh.” I walked out of the door and into the kitchen where my mother was slaving over lasagna.

“Hey, mom.” I walked in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Bryce, my dear,” she beamed at me and continued stirring a pot of something that smelled delicious. “I’m just cooking dinner.”

“I can’t wait. It smells great.” I sat in a chair. “Oh, dad can’t make it for dinner tonight.”

“Oh.” She looked up with pained eyes. “But it was to be our first family dinner since you’ve been home.” She turned away and picked up a glass and gulped. “He should be here.”

“He has business, mom.” I paused. “You know how hard a job it is to run Jonesville.” I faked a laugh and my mom smiled at me with clenched teeth. We both knew I was lying. We both knew my dad wasn’t going to work. He was going to spend the night with one of his lady friends.

I think I had been fifteen when I finally realized that my dad wasn’t the perfect loving husband I had always thought him to be. I wasn’t sure how long my mother had known that her husband was a philanderer and a cheat. We had never spoken about it. But I knew she knew. How could she not? Her husband barely spent a night in their bed. Women called the house all the time.

He’d even had one of them at the house. Not because he wanted to get caught, but because my mom had taken me to visit my grandma for a few weeks one summer and we had decided to come home early. The woman had been in the house, cooking breakfast for my dad, in his shirt. I had heard my parents shouting, but they never said anything to me about it. It was this big, dark secret in the family that everyone knew about but never spoke about.

I wanted to tell my mother to leave my dad. But I knew she wouldn’t. She wasn’t strong enough and it was like she lied to herself. Some days, I wondered if she had convinced herself that all the cheating was a figment of her imagination.

“Well then, it will be you and me,” she beamed at me. “Dinner with my favorite son doesn’t sound too bad.”

“I’m your only son, mom,” I laughed.

“Then that makes it even better,” she laughed back, only cringeing slightly when we heard the front door slam. “So, are you looking forward to your party this weekend?”

“Not particularly,” I answered, honestly.

“But you’ll get to see all your old friends again.”

“Not all of them,” I said, my voice low.

“Oh, I’m sorry, dear.” She looked at me with pained eyes. “I’m sure Eddie is looking down on you.”

“Yeah,” I frowned, annoyed I had brought it up. “But it will be good to see the old crew.”

“It will be fun to have all your old friends back in the house,” she smiled. “I’ll have to come up with a list of foods to prepare.”

“Oh mom,” I laughed. “Are you trying to be Mrs. Cleaver again?”

“Only if you’ll be my beaver.” She threw a dishcloth at me and laughed.

“I’ll always be your beaver, mom,” I laughed and stared at my mom.

“I need a new Ward though,” my mom mumbled under her breath and I looked at her in surprise. Had I heard her correctly?

“What did you just say, mom?”

“Oh nothing, son.” She smiled at me. “And before I forget, two girls called for you. A Mary and Suzannah.”

“Thanks.” I sighed and my mom laughed.

“They sure don’t waste any time do they?”

“Who?”

“The women of Jonesville, of course,” she laughed and stared at me. “You’re just as handsome as your father, if not more so, so I’m not surprised.”

“Mom, you’re just saying that.” I blushed and stared at her properly. She was still as petite and beautiful as ever, but I could see that she looked older now and had frown lines and creases all over her face. Her hair was platinum blonde and perfectly coiffed, and her blue eyes had lost a little of their sparkle, but she was still my beautiful mom. I felt my heart swell with love. I wasn’t sure what I would have done if I didn’t have her in my life.

“No, son. If I were a few years younger and not your mom, I’d be calling, too.”

“Arrgh, mom,” I groaned and stood up. “I’m going to my room. Call me when dinner is ready.”

“Yes, dear,” she laughed and turned back to preparing the food.

I ran up the stairs I knew so well and into my room. It was weird being back in this comfortable house after the last few years I had had. The barracks I had slept in hadn’t been half as comfortable as my home life. It felt weird to be back. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be back in the life of luxury. Not when so many people I knew, better men than I, had nothing to go back to.

I closed my eyes and sat on the edge of my bed, trying to forget the conversations I’d had with Private Ron Benjamin. He’d been my best friend since basic training. We had been overjoyed when we were stationed together. He had decided to stay enlisted. He had nothing to come back to—no family, no girlfriend, no nothing. I’d tried to get him to come back to Jonesville with me, but he had laughed. He didn’t want to come back to this drama. He knew about everything. Well, almost everything. And he had actually tried to convince me to just let it all go. But I couldn’t. There were things I had to take care of.

First things first, I needed to figure out a way to get Lexi Lord to my party. I jumped up and went to my computer and typed in “Lexi Lord Jonesville”. Only about ten entries came up and two of them were linked to Jonesville Public Library. I clicked on the first link and grinned. She worked in the library. I could go in there and make some sort of small talk and hopefully figure out a way to drop the party into the conversation. I wasn’t sure if it was such a good idea, because she had never really hung out with my crowd in high school, but I knew I had to get her there. I needed to talk to her. I was scared that I was going to bring up bad memories for her and I didn’t want to do that. I’d have to tread carefully, but I knew I had to talk to her. I couldn’t have her thinking I was her savior when I wasn’t.