Sanine

He looked across to where in the dark grass that poor little frog was

dying, or perhaps, after terrible agony, lay dead. A whole world had,

as it were, been destroyed; an individual and independent life had come

to a hideous and, yet utterly unnoticed and unheard.

And then, by ways inscrutable, Yourii was led to the strange,

disquieting thought that all which went to make up a life, the secret

instincts of loving or of hating that involuntarily caused him to

accept one thing and to reject another; his intuitive sense regarding

good or bad; that all this was merely as a faint mist, in which his

personality alone was shrouded. By the world in its huge, vast entirety

all his profoundest and most agonising experiences were as utterly and

completely ignored as the death-agony of this little frog. In imagining

that his sufferings and his emotions were of interest to others, he had

expressly and senselessly woven a complicated net between himself and

the universe. The moment of death sufficed to destroy this net, and to

leave him, devoid of pity or pardon, utterly alone.

Once more his thoughts reverted to Semenoff and to the indifference

shown by the deceased student towards all lofty ideals which so

profoundly interested him, Yourii, and millions of his kind. This

brought him to think of the simple joy of living, the charm of

beautiful women, of moonlight, of nightingales, a theme upon which he

had mournfully reflected on the day following his last sad talk with

Semenoff.

At that time he had not understood why Semenoff attached importance to

futile things such as boating or the comely shape of a girl, while

deliberately refusing to be interested in the loftiest and most

profound conceptions. Now, however, Yourii perceived that it could not

have been otherwise for it was these trivial things that constituted

life, the real life, full of sensations, emotions, enjoyments; and that

all these lofty conceptions were but empty thoughts, vain verbiage,

powerless to influence in the slightest the great mystery of life and

death. Important, complete though these might be, other words, other

thoughts no less weighty and important must follow in the future.

At this conclusion, evolved unexpectedly from his thoughts concerning

good and evil, Yourii seemed utterly nonplussed. It was as though a

great void lay before him, and, for a moment, his brain felt free and

clear, as one in dream feels able to float through space just whither

he will. It alarmed him. With all his might he strove to collect his

habitual conceptions of life, and then the alarming sensation

disappeared. All became gloomy and confused as before.