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Sanine

Page 49

"The fact is, I dread the inevitable," he said in a low tone, as he

looked stolidly at the darkening window. "It is natural, I know, and

that I can do nothing to avoid it, but yet it is awful--hideous!"

Novikoff, though inwardly horrified at the truth of such a statement,

replied: "Death is a necessary physiological phenomenon."

"What a fool!" thought Yourii, as he irritably exclaimed, "Good gracious me! What does it matter if our death is necessary to

anyone else or not?"

"How about your crucifixion?"

"That is a different thing," replied Yourii, with some hesitation.

"You are contradicting yourself," observed Novikoff in a slightly

patronising tone.

This greatly annoyed Yourii. Thrusting his fingers through his unkempt

black hair, he vehemently retorted: "I never contradict myself. It stands to reason that if, of my own free

will, I choose to die--"

"It's all the same," continued Novikoff obdurately, in the same tone.

"All of you want fireworks, applause, and the rest of it. It's nothing

else but egoism!"

"What if it is? That won't alter matters."

The discussion became confused. Yourii felt that he had not meant to

say that, but the thread escaped him which a moment before had seemed

so clear and tense. He paced up and down the room, endeavouring to

overcome his vexation, as he said to himself.

"Sometimes one is not in the humour. At other times one can speak as

clearly as if the words were set before one's eyes. Sometimes I seem to

be tongue-tied, and I express myself clumsily. Yes, that often

happens."

They were both silent. Yourii at last stopped by the window and took up

his cap.

"Let us go for a stroll," he said.

"All right," Novikoff readily assented, secretly hoping, while joyful

yet distressed, that he might meet Lida Sanine.

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