Sanine

"You know very well that it is not that!" said Novikoff, as his lips

trembled.

"Ah! yes, but it is!" cried Sanine. "What else could it be, pray?"

Novikoff was silent. All was darkness within his Soul, yet, as a

distant ray of light through the gloom there came the thought of pardon

and self-sacrifice.

Sanine, watching him, seemed to read what was passing through his mind.

"I see," he began, in a subdued tone, "that you Contemplate sacrificing

yourself for her. 'I will descend to her level, and protect her from

the mob,' and so on. That's what you are saying to your virtuous self,

waxing big in your own eyes as a worm does in carrion. But it's all a

sham; nothing else but a lie! You're not in the least capable of self-

sacrifice. If, for instance, Lida had been disfigured by small-pox,

perhaps you might have worked yourself up to such a deed of heroism.

But after a couple of days you would have embittered her life, either

spurning her or deserting her, or overwhelming her reproaches. At

present your attitude towards yourself is one of adoration, as if you

were an ikon. Yes, yes, your face is transfigured, and every one

would say, 'Oh! look, there's a saint.' Yet you have lost nothing which

you desired. Lida's limbs are the same as before; so are her passion

and her splendid vitality. But of course, it is extremely convenient

and also agreeable to provide oneself with enjoyment while piously

imagining that one is doing a noble deed. I should rather say it was!"

At these words, Novikoff's self-pity gave place to a nobler sentiment.

"You take me to be worse than I am," he said reproachfully. "I am not

so wanting in feeling as you think. I won't deny that I have certain

prejudices, but I love Lida Petrovna, and if I were quite sure that she

loved me, do you think that I should take a long while to make up my

mind, because ..."

His voice failed him at this last word.

Sanine suddenly became quite calm. Crossing the room, he stood at the

open window, lost in thought.

"Just now she is very sad," he said, "and will hardly be thinking of

love. If she loves you or not, how can I tell? But it seems to me that

if you came to her as the second man who did not condemn her for her

brief amour, well.... Anyway, there's no knowing what she'll say!"