Running Scared (Sentinel Wars #3)

All Helen’s thoughts that she’d been wrong about Lexi dissipated. Whatever choices Lexi had made since they parted ways, she was regretting them now. There wasn’t a single question in Helen’s mind.

The need to comfort her rose up inside Helen and she wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, holding her tight.

Lexi sniffed, her voice muffled against Helen’s shoulder. “They told you, didn’t they?”

Helen nodded against Lexi’s head. Her hair was darker now, softer. No more blinding blond spikes, but it was a good look for her, even if it did make her appear more vulnerable, more human.

“Everything is going to be fine,” said Helen.

Lexi pulled out of the hug and Helen grudgingly let her go. She shut the front door. “I’m not so sure about that. The way Zach left here in such a rush, I’m sure everything is not fine. Something’s going on, isn’t it?”

“Let’s sit down. Have some tea. We shouldn’t have to face all of this without a few basic comforts, right?” It was a stall tactic and Helen knew it; she just wasn’t ready to get to the hard stuff yet. As sad as it was, even though they’d only known each other a few months, Lexi was Helen’s closest friend, not counting Drake. She couldn’t believe that she was such a poor judge of character that she’d befriend someone who was willing to kill innocents.

Lexi moved quietly in her kitchen, fumbling around to locate things in the new space. Her movements were jerky, and her fingers trembled as she pitched the tissues and washed her hands.

“I was going to rescue you,” said Lexi. “I was sure you’d been brainwashed into believing these were the good guys. Guess I was the one with the sudsy brain all along, huh?”

“I can’t blame you for acting in line with what you thought was right.”

“Even if I wasn’t?” Regret made Lexi’s words come out faint and hard to hear.

“I was wrong about Drake, too, at first. This whole world is pretty surreal, and it takes some getting used to.”

“Do you hate me?” Lexi asked in a small voice.

“No. Of course not.”

Lexi put two mugs of water in the microwave, giving Helen a somber glance over her shoulder. “I was going to kill Drake. You know that, right?”

Helen nodded, her throat too tight to speak. She couldn’t even think about losing Drake. He was part of her. If anything happened to him, she was sure it would end her.

“And you still don’t hate me?”

“No. You never would have gone through with it,” said Helen.

“I would have. If it hadn’t been for Zach and the way he treated me, I would have.”

“You’re wearing his luceria. That’s a long step away from hating someone enough to kill them.”

Lexi shrugged. “I didn’t want him to die. If wearing this thing keeps him alive, then I’ll wear it. It’s the least I can do.”

“And the magic part is pretty cool, too, huh?”

“I wouldn’t know. It doesn’t work for me.”

Lexi had kept her back to Helen this whole time, so Helen took her arm and urged her to turn around. A bright flush of embarrassment made Lexi’s face as red as her nose.

In a gentle voice, Helen asked, “What do you mean it doesn’t work for you?”

“I mean I’m broken.” She tugged at the luceria, which pulsated in vivid greens and blues. “This thing doesn’t work on me the way it’s supposed to.”

“Give it time. It took me a while to get the hang of using fire.”

“Yeah, Zach told me you’re a regular Firestarter. Hard to believe.”

“For me, too. I guess I never thought I’d love someone more than I feared fire, but I was wrong.”

“So, you love him?” asked Lexi. Her dark eyes dropped to the floor like she couldn’t stand to look at Helen.

“I do. So much.”

After a brief silence, Lexi said, “I’m happy for you, Helen. I really am.”

The microwave pinged, giving Lexi an excuse to turn her attention elsewhere.

Helen wasn’t letting her off the hook quite so easily.

“It seems to me that if my fear of fire prevented me from using it, maybe you’ve got some fears of your own to deal with.”

Lexi snorted and dropped tea bags into the mugs. “Too many to count. Guess that’s the problem.”

“You’ll get over it.”

“How can you sound so calm? So confident? We don’t even know each other. Not really. And you just found out I was trying to kill the man you love.”

“I know it wasn’t your idea. You’re not the violent type.”

Lexi carried the steaming mugs into the living room. “Have you forgotten that whole episode at Gertie’s Diner? I stabbed Zach. That’s pretty violent.”

“He was being too forceful. He deserved a reminder that he can’t manhandle women that way.”

Lexi shook her head, giving Helen a small smile. “I’m not sure he’d agree.”

“He didn’t hold a grudge, did he?”

“No. The man is relentless. I have no idea why he keeps forgiving me for every shitty thing I do.”

“He needs you, Lexi. We all do. If we have to overlook a few mistakes, then that’s what we’ll do.”

“I wouldn’t call what I’ve done a mistake. It’s bigger than that.”

“You’re feeling guilty. Good. You should, but we have to move on. We’re . . . desperate.”

“How desperate?”

Helen wasn’t sure how much she should tell Lexi. It was obvious she was still getting used to this new life, and Helen knew from experience how difficult and enjoyable the transition could be. But if Lexi wasn’t ready to commit herself to the fight yet, she didn’t want to scare her away. They needed her too much.

Helen settled for, “Desperate enough that Zach and the rest of the Theronai will be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. You aren’t the only one here who had the wrong impression about the Sentinels and what they do. Besides, we need all the help we can get.” That last part came out in an almost breathless string of exhaustion, despite Helen’s best efforts to stay strong.

Lexi’s expression hardened and angry sparks lit her eyes. “They’ve been working you too hard, haven’t they?”

“I’ve been working me too hard. It’s my choice. We’ve got to get that wall up. It’s important.”

“Important enough that you’re killing yourself to make it happen?”

Helen waved a dismissive hand, but her arm was too heavy to pull off the kind of nonchalance she’d been going for. “Stop being melodramatic. I’m not killing myself.” But it was a close thing. She couldn’t get enough sleep to drive away the weariness that pulled at her. Every day, she woke up more tired than the one before. If something didn’t happen soon, she was going to make herself sick, maybe burn out.

“Can’t you take a break?” asked Lexi.

“Not really. The days are getting shorter, the nights longer, which means there’s a better chance of attack every day. The wall is the only thing keeping the Synestryn out. We’ve already had to fight back two attempts to break through just in the last week. It’s just going to get worse as winter approaches.”

“And you think I can help?”

“I hope so. We need all we can get right now. There are a lot of people here that depend on us, a lot of kids that have nowhere else to go. If this place falls . . .”

Lexi held up her hands to ward off anything else Helen had to say. “I get it. This place can’t fall.” She sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly. “Okay, just tell me what I need to do.”

“First, we need to get rid of whatever’s in the way—whatever’s keeping you from using Zach’s power.”

“Do you think the problem is on my end?”

Having been where Lexi was, she was certain of it, but instead, she said, “We’ll figure it out. It’s as good a place to start as any.”

“Fine. I’m game. I’ve got a lot to make up for. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Helen was no expert, but she had a few ideas of what might be wrong and even more ideas how they could fix it. Lexi was going to enjoy at least a handful of them, and Zach was going to enjoy even more.

Chapter 21

Zach approached Joseph’s office with a heavy heart. He prayed he was wrong, that Joseph’s soul was still healthy, but he couldn’t think of any other reason why his brother would turn away from his chosen path so far he’d be willing to kill the Defenders.

With Angus on one side, and Drake on the other, they made a formidable trio as they went into Joseph’s office without knocking. If this confrontation got ugly, they were going to need at least this much manpower to subdue the man they’d chosen to lead them.

Joseph looked up from his desk with bleary eyes. His hair was messy and the growing number of grays at his temples sparkled under the bright lamp. Papers cluttered the place and maps were pinned up on three walls. Centered in front of him was a stack of photos. Zach couldn’t make them out because of the glare across their glossy surfaces, but he had more important things to worry about.

“What’s this?” asked Joseph. “You don’t look like you’re here for a social call.”

Best to just get on with it. “Show us your chest,” said Zach.

Joseph stiffened and stood to his full, towering height. “Excuse me?” he asked in a low, cold voice.

“I think your lifemark is bare. I think that’s why you’ve turned your back on the humans.”

Joseph’s jaw bunched three times before he was able to get the words out. “I haven’t turned my back on anyone. Who the fuck do you think I’m trying to protect?”

“You said you were willing to kill the Defenders.”

“I am. But only because I know it will save lives in the long run.” Joseph looked at Drake, then Angus. “Did he tell you everything? Did he tell you that Lexi was planning to massacre us? That she was working for these Defenders?”

“Lexi is not the point,” said Zach.

“He told us,” said Angus, his voice as calm and even as a still pond. “The girl was mixed up. My bet is these Defenders are, too. We can’t go out and slaughter every group who has it in for us. Not that much time in the day.”

“Have I suggested that? No. I haven’t. And before you go asking for a strip search, take a look at these.” He picked up the photos and tossed them across the desk.

Rubble. Tons of it. Broken walls, shattered floors, splintered roofing. Concrete was crushed like someone had dropped an asteroid on whatever building this had once been.

“What is this?” asked Zach.

“Our African stronghold. Or at least what’s left of it,” said Joseph.

Zach flipped through the photos until he saw the rows of bloody, broken bodies laid out. Dozens of them. Dozens of children, their dark eyes frozen in death.