Running Mate

Although I hated to admit it, he was right—the flashing marquee and line out the door screamed club. “Figures she would be out looking for a quick hookup.”

Ty laughed as he shoved me off him. “Do you realize how ironic it is that you’re saying that?”

“Whatever.” I patted Charlie on the back. “We’ll get out here.”

“Yes sir. I’ll wait for your call.”

“Oof,” Ty muttered as I elbowed him in the gut in my efforts to scramble out of his side of car. “Barrett, you don’t have to be in such a rush. She hasn’t left.”

“I want to catch her in the act before she has the chance to leave.”

After making our way between the traffic-stalled cars, we stepped onto the sidewalk where a giggling bachelorette party outfitted in boas and tiaras stood in line in front of us. A couple months ago, I might’ve tried hitting on some of the inebriated bridesmaids-to-be, but at the moment, all I cared about was getting to Addison. I was just about to ask Ty to pull his badge to get us inside quicker when another bachelorette party arrived and we got sandwiched between the crazy groups. My ears rang from the ear-splitting squeals and screeches of conversation.

Then the line burst forward like a rushing river, and Ty and I were carried along on the wave of bridesmaids. The current finally poured us out into a blackened room with multicolored neon lights, and steady bass thumped from behind a velvet curtain.

It was at that moment that my mind starting putting two and two together. A club plus lots of drunken bridesmaids equaled the probability that Magic Mike-type shit was about to go down. Was it actually possible that Addison had abandoned me to get dry humped by some oiled-up dude in a banana hammock?

Leaning over closer to Ty, I asked, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That they should replace waterboarding with a constant loop of drunken women chattering?” Ty replied as he stuck a finger in one of his ears.

I scowled at him. “No.”

“Fine. What?”

“This is a strip club.” Since I could see Ty’s mind was going to poles, platform heels, and a sea of tits, I added, “A male strip club.”

A mask of horror came over Ty’s face. “Are you shitting me?”

“I wish.”

Ty started to protest, but then the wave of bridesmaids overcame us again as we all started moving toward the curtain. When we got to the pay stand, a shrill voice behind me said, “They’re with us.”

Before I could argue that we were most definitely not with them, a hand smacked me on the ass. I whirled around to see a stacked brunette wearing a blinking Bride-To-Be tiara. “Sit next to me, sweetcheeks,” she slurred as she ran her finger provocatively down my chest. When she got to my belt buckle, I spun away from her, shoving Ty between us.

My action caused Ty to break out into a hysterical laugh, one fueled by both amusement and fear. It was certainly not one you would expect from an ex-military man. If I hadn’t been so freaked out myself, I would have given him serious shit about it.

Thankfully, Miss Happy Hands was distracted by one of her friends passing her a sparkly flask. When we dipped through the curtain, I braced myself for what I was about to experience. In my mind, I expected half-naked men to be thrusting on women’s laps or twerking in their faces while dollar bills got stuffed into g-string clad bulges.

What I actually saw shocked the hell out of me, mainly because it was nothing like I expected. Sure, there were the usual strobe lights and disco balls hanging from the ceiling as well as a lighted stage in the center of the room. The long tables set up throughout the room were draped in white linen, and they were set with real plates and glass goblets. For a minute, it felt like being at a political fundraising dinner. Never having been in a male strip club before, I had nothing to compare to, and I figured it just boiled down to the fact that women were a hell of a lot classier than men.

While my gaze swept around the packed room for any sight of Addison, Ty steered us over to an empty table for two. Thankfully, we weren’t going to have to sit with any horny bachelorettes. The overhead lights flickered on and off, signaling the show was about to start.

An attractive waitress appeared before us in a Day-Glo pink wig and glittering dress. “What can I get you gentlemen to drink?”

Normally, I would have just gone for a beer, but tonight called for something a little stronger. “A shot of your best scotch and a Heineken.”

Ty bobbed his head. “I’ll have the same.”

Just as the waitress moved on to the next table, the lights went completely out, plunging the room into pitch blackness. Immediately, the crowd erupted into cheers and whistles.

“How the hell are we going to find Addison in all of this?” Ty questioned.

“I say when the lights come back on and the men come out, we start going table to table.”

Ty chuckled. “Have you really thought out that plan?”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the part where we go from table to table of drunk, horny women in a male strip club.”

I cringed. “I see what you mean.”

“Although it’s been a while for me on the sex front, I’m still not in the mood to have my junk randomly groped,” he added.

“It might do you some good,” I countered.

“I haven’t come in my pants since I was sixteen years old.”

“Fine, here’s a better plan: you go hang out with the bachelorettes while I look for Addison. I’m pretty sure any one of them, Miss Happy Hands Bride included, would be happy to take you to the bathroom and screw your brains out.”