Rock the Beat
Page 57I walk over and take a seat next to him so I can position myself to look directly into his eyes. “I saw Mom down at the station.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Oh? What was she doing down there?”
I take a deep breath. “She was getting booked again, but that’s not what I—”
“Damn it,” Dad mutters. “I told her I was out of money to bail her out. I’m going to have to figure out a way to get her out of there.”
Just like Grace predicted. “Would you listen to yourself? Why can’t you just leave her in there? She’s exactly where she needs to be—a place where she can’t hurt herself or someone else. Grace needs to stay in there and get help.”
Dad shakes his head. “We’ve been over this before, honey. I can’t leave her in there.”
“Why?” I challenge him, wanting him to admit what I already know is likely to be true. “Why is she your responsibility to take care of?”
“Holly…” his voice trails off like he would like nothing better than for me to drop the topic.
“I can’t!” His eyes grow wide like he can’t believe he just yelled at me. “Don’t you see that I can’t?”
Tears burn my eyes and I fear that Grace’s lies maybe the truth. “No. Tell me it’s not true.”
Dad’s blue eyes soften. “Did she tell you?”
My bottom lip trembles and my entire body begins to shakes. “So it’s true. You really have.”
“Yes. I’m HIV positive,” he says and his face twists.
“No.” I shake my head furiously as my body grows numb. “No! Why did you allow her to give this to you? How could she do this?”
I break out into a full sob as I clutch my throat. That selfish bitch. She can rot in that cell for all I care.
Tears stream down my face. This isn’t happening to me. When am I going to wake up from this nightmare?
Dad squeezes my hand. “I know this is all hard for you to understand because you only know her as this low-life drug addict, but she loves you, Holly. She always has. She begged to come back home so many times, but I always refused because she couldn’t give the drugs up.”
“Did she even try,” I whisper.
A solemn expression fills his face. “Many times. Grace was never one with strong enough willpower to resist something she really wants.”
I search his face. “Why didn’t you tell me once I was old enough to understand?”
“I didn’t want you to know about our health condition. I didn’t want you to live in constant fear that we were going to die. It’s tough being a kid. You didn’t need this burden on your shoulders too. I love you, Holly. I’ll always want to protect you.”
I throw my arms around his neck. The bones in his thin shoulder press against my hands. He’s lived with this secret while it’s slowly been killing him before my eyes. I wish he would’ve told me about this, but I’m not sure knowing earlier would’ve made this any easier. All I can do is cherish every single day I have left with him on this earth. “I love you too, Dad.”
I shake my head. “No, thanks. I think I want to sit out here for a while.”
He pats my leg and shoves himself off the bench. “Take your time, honey. I know it’s a lot to take in.”
The moment Dad leaves my sight, and goes back into the house, I bolt from the house. Headlights shine on me as I fly across the parking lot. I run as fast and as hard as my legs will take me. My dad is my entire world right now, and everything about the house, the shop and the track remind me of him. I have to get away. I need to clear my head so I can process all this shit. My brain can’t take much more.
The air whooshes from my lungs as I reach the field on the other side of the track and trip over a rock. The solid ground scrapes my arms and hands as I land hard, face first. That’s when I can no longer hold back my tears. They flow like hot lava down my face and I roll onto my side and allow myself this time to grieve. And it’s not just for my dad being sick, it’s for the loss of my mother and how she’s making me handle this all alone.
A hard sob escapes my lips just as strong hands wrap around my shoulders and lean me up. Trip is sitting on his knees in the dirt with his eyebrows pulled in and a slight frown in his face. The concern in his eyes chokes me up. He’s the last person I expected to try and comfort me. After all, we aren’t exactly on the best of terms right now.