Riveted

“Because I didn’t know what was going on, Dixie. I love Wheeler, I really do. I love the life I have with him, but I met Roni and … sparks. Seriously, sis, I felt like I’d been living in black and white and she flipped the switch and everything was suddenly in color. I didn’t want to hurt Wheeler but I couldn’t say no to something that felt so right either.”

Good people usually have a reason for doing bad things. Church’s words hammered into my head as I gave another sigh.

“You have to tell Wheeler, and you need to be honest with Mom and Dad.” That would go a long way towards making this situation more understandable.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I went to talk to Wheeler today and I saw him with that girl and I realized everything I was going to lose and panicked. I don’t know how to live a different kind of life than the one I’ve always lived.”

She was wrong. “That’s not true. We all learned how to live different lives when Dad was hurt. It takes some time and it isn’t easy but eventually you figure it out. We’ll all figure it out as family just like we did before. Obviously the experience you had with this Roni was worth everything you might lose. Don’t diminish that because you’re scared of the fallout that comes from such a major change.”

“It’s scary, Dixie. I don’t want to lose anyone’s love.” She sounded like a scared little girl.

“You won’t lose it, Kallie. Love doesn’t go away because the person it’s attached to has changed. It simply changes with them. I’m sorry I’m not there to give you a hug. It sounds like you could really use one.”

She gave a dry laugh, and I could clearly picture her pulling herself up. “I could use a hug, but I guess it’s time I put on my big-girl panties and try and fix the mess I made. Telling you the truth was a huge step, and it didn’t hurt half as bad as I thought it was going to. You’re right, you know.” She blew out a breath. “The experience with Roni was worth losing everything. I had to have it in order to know that what I had with Wheeler was never going to work out in the long run. I did it the wrong way, but it was the right choice to make. I miss you. I hope you’re coming home soon.”

“Soon enough. I’m just a phone call away if you need me.” We chatted for a few more minutes and when I hung up I was exhausted and felt like I had been emotionally drained. I made my way back into the house, and sent a silent thank-you towards the ceiling when the bathroom was empty and waiting for me. There was a folded-up T-shirt on the edge of the sink that Church had left for me and it felt so good to strip out of my tank top and jeans that I had to take a minute to stretch out all my tired limbs. The sexual tension and stiffness from being on the back of the bike was rigid in my muscles and tendons. I couldn’t wait to stand under the hot water and loosen up.

I scrubbed my hair with shampoo that smelled like mint and rubbed my body down with something that smelled like it was designed to cover up teenaged-boy stink. It made me laugh and when I got out and dried off I laughed even harder when I noticed that the shirt Church left for me appeared to be a jersey from when he was younger. It was an unfaltering mustard yellow with maroon writing on the back that spelled out his last name and had the number twenty-one. Clearly he had always been giant-sized because the hem fell almost to my knees and made the fact that I was sans underwear more tolerable as I bolted across the hallway and into his room.

I figured Church would be in the living room watching TV or even better talking to his dad but he was standing in front of the mirror that had the pictures tucked into it. His expression was wistful and far away but the second his eyes locked on me they flared to life with an internal heat that was hot enough to scald my damp skin.

“Go team.” I meant for it to be funny and lighthearted but the words came out breathless and laced with an invitation I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I was ready to extend.

His eyes took a leisurely perusal over my wet hair and down to my bare toes. When he was done his lips twitched so hard that the smile trapped there almost broke free. “I played for a few years. Nothing serious like Dalen is involved in. I liked the cheerleaders, and it was easier to talk them out of their skirts if I had a jersey on.” His lips twitched again and this time his teeth flashed as well. It was a sorry excuse for a grin but it was a grin just the same. “I guess I’ve always had a thing for girls that have spirit and pep.” He reached out a finger and hooked it in the neck of the jersey. He gave the fabric a tug. I took a step towards him knowing that he was getting a pretty nice view down the shirt. It made my skin pebble up and had my breath catching in my lungs. “I used to try and sneak girls in here all the time. When your old man is a cop that doesn’t work so well. Gotta say the one I finally got in here puts all the others to shame. You look good wrapped up in my memories, Dixie.”

He made it so hard to resist him. He made the space that I knew I needed feel useless and painful. He made the way I wanted him and the way he admitted to needing me seem like the beginning and ending of everything that existed between us. We were nothing more than two entities that craved one another, that lived to satisfy and to surrender to the other. Desire made the fact that he was the wrong Mr. Right seem inconsequential and insignificant.

“You look good when you let your memories make you happy, Church.” I gasped a little as his fingers skated over my collarbone and over the top curve of my breast. His jersey was giving him easy access to all the things I should be keeping out of his reach. My nipples pulled tight and beaded into hard points as he reached past my head and shut the door with a definitive click.