Resurrection

"Well, I do not think so. And I still beg that you will help me

let this lodging and put away the things. And please do not be

angry with me. I am very, very grateful to you for all you have

done."

And, strangely, from the moment Nekhludoff realised that it was

he who was so bad and disgusting to himself, others were no

longer disgusting to him; on the contrary, he felt a kindly

respect for Agraphena Petrovna, and for Corney.

He would have liked to go and confess to Corney also, but

Corney's manner was so insinuatingly deferential that he had not

the resolution to do it.

On the way to the Law Courts, passing along the same streets with

the same isvostchik as the day before, he was surprised what a

different being he felt himself to be. The marriage with Missy,

which only yesterday seemed so probable, appeared quite

impossible now. The day before he felt it was for him to choose,

and had no doubts that she would be happy to marry him; to-day he

felt himself unworthy not only of marrying, but even of being

intimate with her. "If she only knew what I am, nothing would

induce her to receive me. And only yesterday I was finding fault

with her because she flirted with N---. Anyhow, even if she

consented to marry me, could I be, I won't say happy, but at

peace, knowing that the other was here in prison, and would

to-day or to-morrow he taken to Siberia with a gang of other

prisoners, while I accepted congratulations and made calls with

my young wife; or while I count the votes at the meetings, for

and against the motion brought forward by the rural inspection,

etc., together with the Marechal de Noblesse, whom I abominably

deceive, and afterwards make appointments with his wife (how

abominable!) or while I continue to work at my picture, which

will certainly never get finished? Besides, I have no business to

waste time on such things. I can do nothing of the kind now," he

continued to himself, rejoicing at the change he felt within

himself. "The first thing now is to see the advocate and find out

his decision, and then . . . then go and see her and tell her

everything."

And when he pictured to himself how he would see her, and tell

her all, confess his sin to her, and tell her that he would do

all in his power to atone for his sin, he was touched at his own

goodness, and the tears came to his eyes.