Reason to Breathe

“You’re not okay,” he insisted, examining the pain in my eyes.

“Fine, I’m not okay,” I agreed reluctantly. “I’ll go to the nurse to get some ice. I think it’s starting to swell.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Evan, you don’t have to. It’s not that big of a deal, honestly.”

“We’ll see,” he replied sternly, taking my books from my arms. I knew he would’ve carried me if I’d let him.

When I gingerly pulled up my pant leg for the nurse to examine it, Evan groaned behind me.

“Ooh, honey, that looks like it hurts,” the woman with the short white hair and kind eyes stated at the sight of the large purple circle on my knee. It was so swollen that my knee cap could no longer be identified. “I’m going to have you ice it for a while and keep it elevated.”

I raised my eyes to get a glimpse of Evan with his lips pressed together as he stared at the purple nightmare growing on my leg. When the nurse left to retrieve an elastic wrap from the trainer’s office, he inquired ardently, “You swear you tripped?”

I looked up to connect with his troubled blue eyes and affirmed, “I tripped.”

The nurse instructed me to ice it on and off for the rest of the day. To my horrified dismay, she insisted I keep my weight off of it and use a pair of crutches that she removed from the closet. Evan and I made our way back to catch the end of Trigonometry. Our entrance was, of course, a blush inducing spectacle with everyone gawking at my condition. I prepared myself for the whispering.

“You tripped?” Sara confirmed with the same doubt that I’d received from Evan. My leg rested on a chair next to me at the lunch table with a bag of ice on my knee. Evan sat down across from me with a tray of food for us to share.

“Why won’t you two believe me?” I questioned in an agitated tone.

“Because, I know you’re lying,” Sara shot back, just as aggravated. Evan’s head shot up, looking between Sara’s face and mine.

“You’re lying?” he uttered in disappointment.

“Of course she is,” Sara answered for me. “She’s not that clumsy. She usually has help.”

“Sara, stop,” I insisted, observing Evan’s flickering eyes. “I did trip. I don’t know what I tripped on, because I couldn’t see over the box. She was around, but I have no idea what made me fall. I can’t say she wasn’t thrilled to see me on my knees on the stairs, but I did trip.”

Evan’s jaw tightened. Sara shook her head in frustration.

“You don’t have to cover up for her with us,” she retorted. “So that means she’s paying attention again, doesn’t it?”

I shrugged, suddenly unable to eat my lunch.

“Let’s see if you can stay at my house tonight since we have to get up so early for the SAT’s,” Sara suggested. “I’ll call my mom during study and have her ask Carol.”

The thought of seeing Carol gloat as I hobbled in on crutches made my chest tighten.

“You tripped?” Coach Straw repeated as she and the trainer examined my purple, almost black, knee.

Why did everyone keep asking me this?

“Yes.”

“It doesn’t appear to be broken,” the trainer concluded after maneuvering it slightly. “The ice should help with the swelling. Stay off of it for the weekend, and if it’s still swollen or you can’t put weight on it by Monday, go to your doctor to have him order scans.”

I needed it to be better by Monday. Just the thought of visiting the hospital made me queasy; forget about asking Carol or George to drive me there.

“It looks like you won’t be part of practice today,” Coach Straw declared. “Are you going home with Sara?” Her knowledge of my life outside of track was a little disturbing.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Well,” she thought for a moment, “you can sit on the bleachers and ice your knee while you watch the baseball game if you want.”

“Really?” I tried to suppress my grin. I hadn’t had the opportunity to see Evan play yet. Our schedules never worked out so that either of us was free on a day the other had a meet or game.

“Doesn’t your boyfriend play on the varsity team?” Coach Straw confirmed. How did she possibly know so much about me?

“Yes,” I answered quickly. “Thank you.”

“So?” Sara demanded when I exited the office.

“I am watching baseball today,” I announced with a wide grin.

“Great. But are you okay?” she reiterated impatiently.

“I need to stay off of it, ice it, and see what happens on Monday,” I reported.

“You’re all set to stay over tonight, but I have some bad news,” she stated, pressing her lips together. “My grandfather’s back in the hospital, so we’re going to New Hampshire to see him after the SAT’s. That means you won’t be able to stay over tomorrow night.”

“Oh,” I replied softly. “I hope he’s okay.”

“He’s fine,” she assured dismissively. “He probably ate the wrong thing that backed him up or something. It’s never anything serious. I’m really sorry.”

“That’s fine,” I returned, trying not to appear disappointed. “At least I don’t have to deal with her tonight.”

Sara and I continued outside and then went our separate ways. She agreed to find me after practice if the game wasn’t over. I hobbled over to the bleachers next to the baseball field. The teams were still warming up when I sat on the first row of the bleachers. I settled onto the hard seat with my leg resting on the metal plank, excited to watch the game.

33. Discovery

“You could stay at my house on Saturday,” Evan offered when I told him that Sara’s wasn’t an option. The three of us sat on the bleachers after I watched Weslyn win their game.

“That could work,” Sara agreed with a smirk. I gawked back at her, unable to believe she was agreeing with him. “My parents won’t say that you weren’t with me. Your aunt and uncle will never know. Em, you won’t have to go home until Sunday morning.”

“My parents won’t be home, so they won’t say anything,” Evan added. This revelation didn’t make my decision easier, it actually made it harder.

I considered my options and reluctantly agreed to spend Saturday night at Evan’s.

“You are in so much trouble,” Sara taunted when we drove to my house to grab my clothes for the weekend.

“Shut up, Sara,” I shot back. “You’re the one who thought it was such a great idea.”

“You have to tell me every single detail.”

“Stop it. Nothing’s going to happen,” I declared, trying to convince myself more than Sara.

Sara accompanied me into my house to help carry my bag. I thought it was best not to provoke the situation by using the crutches, so I limped in, trying to creep unnoticed through the kitchen while the family ate in the dining room.

Carol greeted us with a disturbing smile in the kitchen.

“Hi Sara,” she beamed. It was nauseating to witness. “Emma, the nurse called. She wants to make sure you rest your leg this weekend and continue icing it. So, lie low, okay?” Her false concern made me cringe.

“Okay,” I said, unable to meet her eyes, continuing to inch toward my door.

“Chores on Sunday morning, alright?” she sang in a sickeningly sweet voice. I nodded.

I didn’t know who she was trying to fool. We knew the monster that dwelled under her façade.

“Good luck with the SAT’s.”

“Thank you,” Sara replied politely. I turned to escape the bizarre exchange and headed to my room.

We packed silently, the tension thick, knowing Carol was within earshot. I’m sure she was dying to overhear me say something about her to Sara, but there was no way I was going to give her ammunition for her next ambush. I threw clothes on my bed, and Sara stuffed them into the duffle bag.

I breathed easier when I was back in Sara’s car.

“She is so strange.”

“I don’t think that’s the right word for her,” I grumbled.

“Just you and me tonight?” Sara confirmed. I realized she and I hadn’t had much time alone since Evan’s return.

“Sounds perfect.”

Sara and I watched a movie and ate pizza. I let her paint my toes a horrible shade of purple that resembled the color of my knee. We were in bed early for a Friday night, in preparation for the SAT’s the next morning.

~~~~~

“Don’t even ask,” I scowled at Evan, entering the halls after sitting for hours reading questions, writing essays, and filling in what seemed like a million little circles. My mind raced through question after question, second guessing and scrutinizing my responses. My head was spinning, and my stomach was upside down, knowing my future now rest in another’s hands.

“Okay, I won’t ask you how you think you did,” Evan promised. “Let’s get something to eat. Everyone’s going to Frank’s if you want to go.”

“That’s fine,” I agreed.

“How’d you do?” Jill asked with way more energy than anyone should have after spending hours on tests that would decide her future. She slid in at the booth across from us, eagerly awaiting my answer.

I dropped my head in my arms and groaned.

“She doesn’t want to talk about it,” Evan explained.

“Come on, Emma,” Jill exclaimed, “you of all people shouldn’t be worried about how you did.”

“It all ran together,” I complained, my voice muffled since I refused to lift my head. “I don’t remember any of it. I could have answered anything, and I would have no recollection of whether it was correct or not. I think I’m going to throw up.”

“Relax,” Kyle urged. I didn’t realize he was sitting next to Jill. “It’s over now, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Easy for you to say,” I mumbled, peering up at him from my defeated position, “you’ve already been accepted to college.” Evan flashed his amused grin, which didn’t help my anxiety at all. Knowing my angst was entertaining only made it that much worse.

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to be in a bad mood all day?” Evan pleaded as I hobbled on the crutches to his car.

“I’ll get over it,” I promised with a heavy sigh. “What are we doing today?”

“Not much. You need to stay off your leg. I thought we’d play video games or something so you can keep your leg up.”

“Is that going to drive you crazy?” I asked, concerned that my immobility was going to bore him.

“No,” he replied with a grin. “I don’t always have to be doing something. I can just hang out.”

And that’s what we did for the rest of the afternoon – hung out on the couch above the garage. I watched Evan play the video games more than I participated. I was too frustrated with all of the buttons and knobs, unable to catch on to what I had to press or turn and when. I opted to prop my leg on his lap, observing his gaming skills while I iced it. It could have been worse.