Real Vampires Hate Skinny Jeans

She looked up and gave me a smile full of fangs. “Trust me, my enemies pray for death long before I’m through with them. You want me to be grateful? Fine. Help me with this situation and I’ll take out anyone you say. Your enemy is my enemy. How does that sound?”

I shuddered and shook my head. A deal with a demon? It sounded like a fast ride down to her former playground. And one I wasn’t having any part of.

“You can’t live here, end of story.”

“But what if I like it here? Think about this, Glory. Your friends aren’t my friends. If I want something, I will get it, one way or another. Even if it means stalking every one of your little friends and making their lives hell on earth until you see the light.” Alesa laughed then slurped down more cheese. She threw me a look that made me wish for a shower and lots of soap.

Ian called and said the ultrasound hadn’t come in yet. But the blood test showed that Alesa was definitely pregnant. Oh, joy. We rescheduled for Monday night. I decided to head down to the shop like I always did on a Saturday evening. I needed to be there—we were usually busy—and Rafe and I stayed firm that Alesa could fend for herself. Of course that left me wondering what she’d do next. I didn’t figure her for idle threats.

She hadn’t given me a cell phone number or any way to reach her but I knew she’d find me, unfortunately.

I hadn’t been in the store ten minutes when my cell rang. My best friend Flo was trying to get a group together to go dancing at Rafe’s club.

“Not really in the mood, pal. Another night.” I smiled at a customer who was carrying a skirt to the counter.

“But, amica, you love to dance. What is this mood? Tell me.” Flo didn’t like taking no for an answer. “You close at midnight. Call Jeremiah and meet us then. Rafael will reserve a big table for us on the balcony.”

I was tempted. I’d love to cry on Flo’s tiny shoulder. But doubted I’d be able to escape from Alesa to do it and no way was I letting the demon within scenting distance of my best bud. Flo’s husband, a former priest, would go ballistic if I got near his wife with another demon. She’d had a close call with hell the last time I’d involved her in one of my freakfests and I sure didn’t want to remind Alesa who my friends were.

“Tell her yes. I love to dance.” Alesa was suddenly in front of me. “Unless we’ll still be at Ian’s.”

“I’ll call you back, Flo.” I ended the call. “Not going to Ian’s tonight. That special machine didn’t arrive.” I grabbed Alesa’s arm, but carefully. After all, she was pregnant. “Back room. Now.” I did a quick check. Erin could handle the sparse crowd.

“Since you asked so nicely and all.” Alesa jerked her arm out of my grasp and flounced toward the back room. As she did, an expensive sweater fell out of the back of her skirt. I scooped it up off the floor.

“What the hell? Were you shoplifting? In my store?” I barely suppressed the urge to throw the demon against the table before I started to shut the door to the shop. It took everything in me not to slam it.

“Hold it, Glory. Is that demon with you?” Diana Marchand, owner of Mugs and Muffins, the coffee shop next door, stuck her foot in the door.

“Yes.” I glanced at Alesa, who just smiled and studied her fingernails like she was looking for a chip in the black polish. “What has she done now?”

“She just left my shop without paying for the half dozen muffins she scarfed down.” Diana pushed her way inside my back room and waited until I had us closed inside. Diana, a vampire and a friend, didn’t hesitate to get in Alesa’s face. “I don’t tolerate deadbeats.”

“Pay her, Glory.” Alesa brushed crumbs off her shirt front. “Great muffins, by the way. Though not very filling. I could have eaten a few more.”

“Stay out of my store. I don’t want a demon in there. You hear me?” Diana turned to me. “What the blazes are you doing hanging out with such as this?”

“Not my choice, believe me.” I started to argue about the bill with Alesa but didn’t want to do it in front of Diana. “Tell Erin up front what you’re owed and she’ll take care of it.” I glared at Alesa. “This won’t happen again. I’m doing my best to get rid of the problem.”

Diana looked from me to Alesa and back again. “Honey, I figure you must be over a barrel to tolerate this, um, critter.” She patted my shoulder. “Let me know if you need my help.” She clasped the cross at her neck. “Though what I could do…”

“I appreciate the thought anyway.”

“Run along, little vampire. We’re just fine. And, seriously? Your coffee is weak and I’ve had better service in hell.” Alesa sniffed.

“Well, glad you mentioned it. Coffee. I’ll add that to your bill.” Diana jerked open the door and looked at me one more time. “I’ll say some prayers for you, Glory.”

“Thanks, I need all of those I can get.”

“Gag me.” Alesa shot the finger at Diana’s back before I shut the door again.

“See what happens when you cut me off without a penny? I’m reduced to walking without paying the check, shoplifting when I need a nice cardigan to wear. The evenings are cold here.” Alesa pretended to shiver. “I’m used to a much warmer climate, you know.”

I counted to ten, twenty. “Why are you even here in the shop?”

“Looking for you, obviously. We had an appointment. You weren’t in the apartment so this is the second place I looked.” Alesa smirked. “Your clerk never noticed when I stuffed that sweater down my skirt. Hell, I could have taken half the blouse rack and she’d have missed my smooth moves.”

“Erin’s a good clerk. She was ringing up a sale. I can’t believe I didn’t smell you the minute you hit the door.” I’d been talking on the phone. No wonder we were losing inventory.

“That chick’s shop next door had just taken a batch of cookies out of the oven. Great disguise for me. Sneaked right up on you.” Alesa wrinkled her nose. “So when are we going dancing?”

“Never. You can’t be around my friends. Not Flo and Richard. You remember what happened the last time you were around them?” I rubbed my forehead. Headache. Too much stress. And between the reek of Alesa and those cookies next door, I really couldn’t breathe. It was taking a toll.

“Oh, yeah. That Italian shoe freak married to that religious zealot managed to orchestrate the love-in that got me sent back to hell when I was stuck in your body.” Alesa sighed. “I wanted to go back, you know. Seriously. Your body wasn’t exactly a demon’s playground, even if there’s plenty of room in the hip area.” She gave me a look I recognized, the skinny girl superior smirk. I wanted to slap it off her face. Couldn’t even breathe through the urge. I just shrugged.

“You can only imagine the tears of joy shed that night when I finally felt you pop out of me.” I gave her my own condescending once-over. “Good triumphs over evil. There were trumpets in Heaven playing the ‘Hallelujah’ chorus.”

Alesa shuddered. “As if anyone up there noticed your fat ass.” She sniffed. “Lucifer was certainly glad to see me. At first anyway. Then he noticed I had this little bun in the oven and ordered me to get rid of it.” She shook her head. “No way in hell or in any other dimension, baby. I told him that, right to his beautiful face. I’d worked too hard to get knocked up.” She let me see the tears glittering in her eyes. “So we had it out. Of course I lost that battle. Luc rules down there.” Big watery sigh.

“So you can never go back?” My heart fell to my feet. No way was I going to be stuck forever with this hellspawn and her offspring.

“Not saying that.” Alesa managed a smile. “I have some leverage. A few secrets I can use to bring Luc around. But I have to have the baby first.”

“And you’d raise him or her in hell? Is that even possible?” I couldn’t wrap my mind around the image of a nursery down below. I’d heard stories of torture, sex and perversion there. Even a demon baby deserved love and a peaceful upbringing.

“Yes, it’s possible, Glory. I was raised in hell and look at how I turned out.” Alesa ran her hand proudly down her body.

“No thanks, I value my eyesight.” I sat on my only chair.

“Contrary to what you think, Glory, I was a favored demoness in the inner circle.” Alesa tossed her long black hair over her shoulder and posed like she was ready for her close-up as “Demon of the Year.” Then she deflated. “Which is why Lucifer went so ballistic when he realized I’d been unfaithful to him with another entity. He might have handled it if I’d done the deed with another demon.” Big sigh. “But he knew with one sniff that this baby wasn’t going to be pure. Rafe has that shifter side, you know. Unacceptable in Luc’s world. The Devil doesn’t mind growing his flock but he’s got these rules about it. You see Luc himself can’t procreate.”

“Thank God,” I murmured.

Alesa sniffed. “Whatever. This is a minor setback. I’ll win the big guy over again. Especially in about ten years when the little sprig here is fully grown.” She touched her tummy. “Then I’ll take him back downstairs and Luc will see how truly awesome he is, even if he’s not a pureblood.”

“Ten years?” I felt sick. A decade of Alesa? No way.

“Don’t look so freaked. Rafael and I won’t have to stay here, you know. Must I remind you that you were just the vessel?” Alesa picked up the cardigan she’d appropriated, a nice green one, and slipped it on. “What was I thinking? Green is way too festive. Black is my color.”

“Give me that. You pay for anything you get here.” I snatched the sweater and folded it with shaking hands. “That’s it, Alesa. As soon as you admit this pregnancy has nothing to do with Rafe either, you’re moving on. Stay away from my shop unless I bring you here.” I dropped the sweater on a shelf. “And no more shoplifting. From anywhere.” ns class="adsbygoogle" style="display:block" data-ad-client="ca-pub-7451196230453695" data-ad-slot="9930101810" data-ad-format="auto" data-full-width-responsive="true">