Real Vampires Don't Diet

Ellen and Tina both shook their heads.

"I'm a private person too. Or used to be before I hooked up with Ray. Now I've got to think about identity theft. I'd no more post my birth date than I'd post my weight."

"I hear that." Tina glanced at her mother. "We'll describe your shop. Add some pics. Let me snap a few now. That will spice up the site."

"Sure. Thanks for understanding." I waited while she dug out a digital camera. Identity theft. Good excuse. Because assuming a new identity was such a pain. I was still making payments on the Gloriana St. Clair papers I'd had to buy when I'd left Las Vegas to relocate to Austin. I'd been Gloria Simmons, dancer, in Vegas. That gig had lasted years longer than it should have because, except for a gambling debacle, I'd had a ball there. When I knew it was time to move on, I'd needed to buy new ID. The vampire network had set me up, but it didn't come cheap. Fortunately, I could arrange a payment plan. I posed for Tina while her mother browsed the shop. Ellen came back with a short black cocktail dress cut low in front and back.

"I'm trying this on."

"Mom, do you think"

"Yes, I do. I'll be right back." Ellen flounced off to the dressing room.

Tina rolled her eyes, then made me stand in front of the vampire mural I was beginning to hate. "Mom thinks she's magically turned into a size twelve. But you inspired her to get out."

"How?"

"When she saw a clip of you on one of those entertainment shows, she said, 'Hey, look at that girl. She's got boobs and a butt yet Israel Caine is all over her. If she can get him, maybe I can get a regular guy to look at me.'" Tina looked sheepish. "Sorry, did I offend you?"

"No way. I do have boobs and a butt. Always have had." I looked down. "And they're not going anywhere."

"See? That's cool. You're not starving yourself trying to become one of those toothpick chicks." Tina paused with her camera ready for the next shot. "Are you?"

"No. Ray likes me the way I am."

Tina sighed. "I just knew it! He's amazing, isn't he? Israel Caine likes a full-figured woman. Good to know since"she unbuttoned her own coat"it would take surgery to whittle down this body."

I looked. Yep. Valdez would say she had a nice pair. I glanced at him. Sure enough, he was checking them out, his eyes gleaming.

"You have a great figure, Tina. You should show it off. Your jeans are too baggy, and that high-waisted top isn't doing you any favors." I steered her to the sweater table. "This red V-neck would look great with your dark hair. The extra large will fit. Use your cleavage, girl."

Tina grinned. "You're right. Who cares if some people think it looks sluttish?" Hmm. Had that been a slam? But Tina was holding on to the sweater and her smile looked genuine.

"You see cleavage everywhere now. Especially on TV." I picked up a turtleneck, then threw it down again.

"And guys dig it. I get that. So does Mom. After she saw you with Israel she got up off the couch. Decided to take dance lessons. Even enrolled in night classes incan you believe it?archeology. So she could meet men."

"Good for her." Why hadn't I ever thought of that? I could dig archeology. And my fake papers included a high school diploma, even a little college.

"Are you telling all my secrets, Christina?" Ellen swirled out of the dressing room. "Check me out. Dancing burns lots of calories. You girls should try it."

Oh, yes, she had managed to get into that size-twelve cocktail dress. And her own berries were swelling out of the top of the dress.

"Wow, Mom! You look"

"Amazing. That dress was made for dancing." I grinned and clapped.

"That's what I thought." She did a twirl, hummed a tune and did a fancy two step around the coat rack. "I'm taking it."

"Great. My clerk will write it up and, Bri, give her a ten-percent discount."

"Thanks, Glory." Ellen dashed over to give me a hug. "Don't worry, we'll make you another batch of those muffins and put them in a sealed container this time."

"I guess I'd better step up my own game. Can't let my mom show me up. She's meeting men and I'm the one renting DVDs." Tina fingered the red sweater and sighed. "Tell me about Israel Caine, Glory. Is he as hot in person as he is in his videos?"

"Hotter." I sat on a stool and pulled off a boot to rub my toes. "You can quote me on MySpace. Glory says Ray's even hotter in person and he sings her to sleep every night." Okay, maybe that last was a mistake, but it felt really cool for the world to think I was with a guy so many women lusted after. I'm only human. Formerly, anyway.

"Wow, I can't imagine it." Tina frowned and scribbled this in the notebook her mother had left lying on the counter. "Anything else for your blueberry groupies?"

"I hate to say this, but I wish they wouldn't bake for me. Sure, I'm proud of my curves, but they're generous enough. Maybe one of you could put something on MySpace discouraging gifts of food." Valdez woofed an objection from by the door.

"People are just trying to be nice, Glory." Bri just had to speak up. "Makes me wonder what else people might make with blueberries."

"Your clerk's right. There's a lot of buzz on the site. People are having fun exchanging blueberry recipes. Told you it was dull." Tina smiled wryly. "The riveting reading for tonight was supposed to be Mom's post about how you liked the muffins."

"Instead post a warning not to bring me things to eat in the shop when my dog is here. Look what happens when someone comes in carrying food." I gave Valdez a fierce glare. He put on an innocent look, complete with lolling tongue and tail wag.

"No kidding." Tina was writing in the notebook. "But when could they know for sure? Some of them seem pretty determined to do the blueberry thing. I say, 'Get a life.' "

I didn't comment on that. Tina obviously wasn't as enthusiastic about the MySpace thing as her mother.

"Daytime." Bri was obviously looking out for number one. "Glory only works nights. She's a real night owl, just like her honey." I gave her a smile and nod. "Yes, I keep musician's hours now and I always bring Valdez with me. But that's a good idea, Bri. If my fans want to make me blueberry anything, they'll have to bring it in during the day." Valdez's tail was really wagging now. Obviously he and Bri were anticipating a split. "But totally not necessary, of course."

"Seems like it's risky having a dog in here. Some people might be afraid of dogs. And look what he did tonight. Maybe you should leave him at home." Ellen walked up with the dress on a hanger.

"Can't." I grimaced. "You should see what he does if I leave him home alone. I'd lose my security deposit for sure." I pulled off the other boot and hopped off the stool. "And I'm really sorry about earlier. He's usually fine here. It was the food that set him off." I dropped the boot on the floor. "The dress looked great on you, Ellen."

"Sure did." Tina whipped out her credit card. "My treat, Mom. For your birthday. I'm proud of my hot mama. And, here, I want this sweater." She laid the red sweater on the counter.

"Thanks, honey. And thanks, Glory, for the compliment and the discount." Ellen scooted out of the way when Valdez wandered up to stand next to me. "You need the Dog Whisperer, Glory."

I looked down when I felt a paw on my bare foot. Nice. Valdez was making sure I knew he was pissed about the ban on baked goods when he was around and the slam on his behavior.

"No, I need the Dog Shouter."

Once the transaction was completed, I smiled at both women. "Thanks so much for the muffins. Valdez thanks you too. And when you come back, I'll make sure Ray has autographed his latest CD for each of you. If I'm not here, Bri or the clerk on duty will have it behind the counter." I took the empty basket and towel Bri handed me and gave them to Ellen.

"You're so nice, no wonder Israel loves you!" Ellen flushed. "We'll definitely be back. Bye, now." She and Tina headed out the door.

"Quite a stunt you two pulled with those muffins." I looked down at Valdez, then back at Bri.

" I could tell you were going to eat that thing. No way was I going through another Cheetos incident." Valdez collapsed by the door, his stomach swollen. "You should appreciate my sacrifice, Hey, Bri, you got any antacid in the back?"

"Uh, sure thing. And, Glory, I thought you'd want me to intervene. I know vampires can't eat. The ladies had put you on the spot." Bri swept the last of the crumbs into a dustpan. "Sorry if I overstepped."

"No, you were right. Valdez was right." And V was not going to let me forget that a Big bag of Cheetos had called my name not too long ago and then left me wishing for death, like Ray's nightmare hangover. "But next time, let's try a less violent approach. Maybe, Bri, you could have reminded me I wanted to be sure I could get into my Grammy dress. Or made up an allergy to blueberries." I shook my head. "I know that's what I should have said, but the muffins smelled so delicious." I smiled wistfully.

"Pure torture."

"They were delicious. Best ones I ever ate." Valdez burped again. "Bri?"

"Yeah, bicarb coming right up. Wish you'd saved one of those for me, Valdez." Bri stopped on her way to the back room. "Are you going to the Grammys with Caine, Glory?"

"Good question." Valdez looked up from his stupor.

"Don't know. I haven't been invited yet." And didn't that wipe the smile off my face.

"I got another question for you."

"What's that, V?" I flipped through my evening gown selection. Pitiful since I'd had decent New Year's Eve sales. If I did get to go to the Grammys, I had nothing to wear anyway. Would one of those famous designers offer me something fabulous? Yeah, right. Which one designed for women with my figure type? Valdez still hadn't said anything, so I turned to look at him. ns class="adsbygoogle" style="display:block" data-ad-client="ca-pub-7451196230453695" data-ad-slot="9930101810" data-ad-format="auto" data-full-width-responsive="true">