Real Vampires Don't Diet

" He'd better keep that popgun in his holster."

"Do not make me laugh."

Valdez sniffed as I opened the kitchen door. "Hmm. I could eat."

In the kitchen, Will was in front of the stove seasoning a steaming pot. It smelled delicious and I wished for the ten millionth time that I could eat. Brittany, who's a shape-shifter, sure could. She sat at the round glass table with a full plate in front of her. She stuffed a loaded nacho into her mouth, then put the plate on the floor. It took Valdez about a nanosecond to clean it off.

"Cruel and unusual. You guys really shouldn't eat in front of me." I sat down on one of the chairs at the table. There was a roar from the den. All the mortals were glued to the tube. I'm not a football fan, but I could hear bets being made about whether the favored team could score before halftime. Will had a pained look on his face and I knew he was itching to get in on the action. Not me, I never got into the sports betting scene.

"Listen, guys, we need to talk." I nodded and the kitchen door closed. It didn't have a lock of course, but I could keep it closed with my mind against any feeble mortal trying to push it open.

"Finally. Something happened to Ray and Glory out on the lake last night. What was it, Glory? Do you need for us to go out there?" Valdez looked up at Brittany and she wiped off his muzzle with her brown cloth napkin.

"Trouble? Man, if those paparazzi have hired a boat, I'm gonna"

"Relax, Brittany, that's not it."

"More fans?" Will tasted his concoction. Since he said he'd trained at the Cordon Bleu in Paris I'm sure it was delicious. It definitely smelled that way. "Not bad if I do say so myself." He put down his ladle. "What happened out there, Glory? Fill us in. The crew in the den said you came in wet and Ray had cut his foot. Was bleeding like a stuck pig. Which surprised me, him being vampire and all. Then"Will grinned"there was a topless moment that I'm sorry as hell I missed." He winked when Valdez growled. "Relax, fur face. You gonna tell me you didn't look?" Now Brittany growled and Will laughed. "Details, we want details."

"What you'll get is the bottom line. What do any of you know about Sirens?"

"Will had the smoke alarm going last night. I told him not to try deep frying those chicken wings." Brittany sighed. "But they were delicious."

"Oil got too hot. Then two senior citizens tried to jimmy open the gate on the driveway. That set off the siren something fierce." Will grinned. "Didn't know little old ladies could run like that. One of them even threw her crowbar at me. Glory, one of them was AB negative. Delicious. Thought of you when I had my midnight snack, darlin'."

"You are so bad, Will Kilpatrick. I hope you left the woman enough for the drive home." I grinned. Will is too charming for his own good.

"Her sister was driving. I left her standin' around while I did the dirty." Will laughed. "But what about sirens? This house is wired from top to bottom. Keeps us hoppin' with the paparazzi and all tryin' to break in every night. Everyone wants a piece of Israel Caine."

"Or a picture of him doing something crazy like showing the world his girlfriend's tits." Valdez glared at me. "I'd like to see what Blade would have done if that picture had shown up in the tabloids, Glory."

"Admired them, of course. Now let's move on to a new subject, Valdez. I'm not talking about the kind of siren when an alarm goes off. I mean like in legends, myths, whatever. The kind of females that lure boats onto rocks." I sat back and waited.

"Those Sirens? Where's this coming from?" Will pulled up a chair and straddled it. "I know they're bad business. Da used to have a fleet of ships, back in Queen Victoria's day. Lost more than one on the rocks in the Mediterranean to what must have been a Siren. Mermaids. Whatever you want to call them. One of my brothers ran afoul of one close to home. In the North Sea. She bewitched him. Can't imagine it myself. I'm partial to women with legs, not fish tails."

"What happened?" Brittany leaned close, elbows on the table.

For a moment, Will didn't answer. I think he got distracted by the way Brit's red sweater outlined her awesome breasts. Valdez edged closer to her and showed his teeth. I really felt sorry for him. Will's a handsome man with red hair, green eyes and a buff bod. Valdez might be more than a match in human form, but right now he looked 100-percent Labradoodle. Brittany's hand landed on his head and she fondled his ears.

"Will? What happened to your brother?" I needed all the information I could get. "And, for your information, Sirens are shapeshifters. They can have legs if they want them."

"Whatever they look like, they're greedy wenches. Dad finally had to pay her off. Seems this Siren was satisfied with a shipload of gold." Will grinned and shook his head like maybe he realized Brittany wasn't returning his interest. "Why? You're not telling me there's a Siren on Lake Travis."

"Yes, I am. She's out there and she's looking for male vampires. So, whatever you do, don't go out on the lake." I like Will. He definitely had his faults, compulsive gambling being one of them. But since I'm a recovering gambler myself, I couldn't hold that against him. I sure didn't want him to be one of Aggies vamp sacrifices.

"This is nuts. You mean when you and Ray went out in his boat you met a Siren?" Valdez abandoned Brittany to sit next to me. "And she's looking for male vamps? Why'd she let Ray go then?" Valdez's expression said it would have been okay with him if Ray had been taken away to wherever.

"Seems she's a fan. Ray sang for her and she decided to let Ray and me go if we'd bring her three other male vampires. But we've got to do it by the full moon. That's just three weeks away."

"I don't know a thing about Sirens. You, Rafe?" Brittany looked down at Valdez, whose first name, by the way, is Rafael.

"Nope, never had what is obviously not a pleasure. Damn it, Glory, you never shoulda gone out in that boat without me."

"She caught us by surprise. You couldn't have done anything, Valdez."

"You wanna bet?"

Actually I bet my dog would have ended up fish bait, but I didn't say it.

"Sounds like she's dumb as dirt." Brittany reached for a can of soda and took a swallow. "She let you go? What's to make you ever bring her anyone?"

"She's got us on a leash. She can call us to her. Ray tested it. Tried to get the hell away from her in the boat. No go. He was compelled to turn right around."

"So she's more powerful than a vampire?" Will frowned. "Not that I'm surprised. My brother was whipped, but then I figured she'd been giving him great"

"Spare us the details, Will. Let me tell you. This creature is ugly as sin, but can freeze you with a look. I mean, you can't freakin'

move. Totally creepy. I hated it. You are completely helpless." I shuddered, remembering. "But now, if Ray and I want to come out of this with our own hides intact, we've got to bring her three vampires. And Aggie specifically wants males. She's got a deal with a goddess named Circe. The goddess hates men, hates the night, so she wants male vamps. Period." I knew I couldn't relax, though. If Ray and I didn't come up with the goods, I had a feeling I'd still end up tossed into Circe's circle of hell just for the fun of it.

"Aggie? Her name's Aggie? That doesn't sound like a Siren to me. Are you sure that's what she is?" Will got up to check on his bubbling pot. He clipped the ladle in, tasted, then added a pinch of salt.

"Her real name is long and unpronounceable. You should see her. Definitely doesn't look like a mermaid. Circe did a number on her. I don't care what she is, I only know we've got to do what she says or Ray and I are going to be her vamp sacrifices and the clock's ticking."

"I hear ya, Glory. You know plenty of vampires in Austin. Got any favorites you'd like to see go bye-bye? Would seem kind of cruel to just pick random vamps, don't you think?" Brittany crushed her soda can effortlessly, her arm muscle flexing.

"Oh, we're not going to be random. I really, really want to take her Simon Destiny for one."

"Now you're talkin', Blondie." Valdez jumped up and wagged his tail. "But you'd better not be thinkin of going out to the EV compound after Simon on your own. There are three of us here, four with Ray. We'd be dead meat before we even reached the perimeter. We need a freakin' army. Man, I want a piece of that EV bastard." Simon Destiny almost killed Valdez once. My dog wouldn't and shouldn't ever forgive or forget. "We'll get him, pup. I promise. He'll be on his way to Circe before he knows what hit him."

I heard a commotion at the door. "I think the natives are ready for your chili, Will. And more beer. Must be half-time." And our game was just beginning.

Chapter Six

When I opened the door, the crowd seemed more intent on making a beer run and talking about the game than wondering why a door without a lock had jammed. One of the women opened the massive fridge and leaned down to pull out six-packs of beer.

"Love your tats." I could see a pretty vine growing up her arm and flowering across her upper back. Tattoos and vamps don't mix. The healing sleep wipes them right away. Which is why Ray's situation was such a freak-out. He wasn't healing.

"Look at this one." She stood and pulled down her low-rise jeans.

"Is that"

"Dave's face on my ass. Seemed appropriate." She laughed and carefully balanced three six-packs before shutting the refrigerator door with her hip. "Had it done in San Francisco. I can hook you up if you're interested. The artist is a genius."

"Yeah, I can see. Let me think about it."

A redhead got busy filling bowls with chili, then smiled at me.

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