Ravage

“I want that, too, so much,” Zaal admitted hoarsely.

I smiled on noticing the tension leave his shoulders. “But you have to accept Valentin. He is mine; I am his. That’s how it will be. You do not know what he has been through, though if you took the time to speak to him you might find you are not so dissimilar.”

Zaal glanced away but curtly nodded his head. “I asked him to speak to me over the past three days. I asked him to explain everything to me, but he wouldn’t. He just kept telling me you were better off without him, that he was your Tbilisi monster in the woods. That there was no good in his heart, like you thought there was.”

Tears fell down my cheeks on my hearing that Valentin had said such sad things. “He has lost his sister, Zaal.” I pointed at Zaal, then to myself. “Just like you had lost me. He is broken.” Zaal remained still, unmoving, and I added quietly, “But I think I can heal him. I think I can give him something he has never had before.”

“What’s that?” Zaal asked huskily.

“Love. Affection. A safe place. Someone who actually cares for him.” I blushed and said, “The way he watched me as I cleaned him and tucked him in bed, it makes me want to hold him and never ever let go. He calls himself an ugly scarred beast, but I also see the beautiful man beneath. Even if you don’t, he’s there. And he’s the other half of my soul. Whether it is rational or not. Whether it’s wrong or not.”

Zaal was quiet for many minutes, then nodded his head. “I will get to know him and I will accept him. We were all fucked up by those people. But now he is out, and he is strong. And if Luka and I are any indication, he will find it hard adjusting to life outside.” Zaal patted his chest. “As your brother, I will help him adjust.”

My cheeks were wet with gratitude. Gently moving out of Valentin’s embrace, I stood up from the mat and walked to Zaal. Zaal got to his feet and stood anxiously before me. A wave of shattering emotion, mainly gratitude, washed over me. Needing my big brother, I launched forward and wrapped my arms around his waist. Zaal held me close, and I warmed knowing this was the reunion we should have had. This was Zoya holding her Zaal—like it always should have been.

I held him for what felt like an age. Drawing back, I reached up to hold his head and pulled him down. I pressed a kiss on his forehead and brushed my thumb over his moles. Catching the instant smile on his face I declared, “I love you, Zaal. You are my blood. My heart. My big warrior brother.”

“I love you, Zoya.” Zaal pulled back and nervously said, “Talia is upstairs. We are never apart. She does for me what you do for Valentin. She cares for me. She loved me when I could not remember what love was.” My heart squeezed and I immediately regretted my earlier reaction. I hadn’t let myself see it or maybe I simply didn’t acknowledge that he was damaged, too. Right now, hearing him talk of Talia as though she was his lifeline, I could detect the vulnerability in his voice. He was just like Valentin: a killer, a monster that deep down simply wanted to be loved.

Zaal shifted on his feet and muttered, “Would you … could you—”

“Meet her properly?” I interrupted.

Zaal’s eyes were wide with apprehension. “Yes,” I replied.

Zaal sharply exhaled and said, “If you give her a chance, you will love her. And”—he paused—“and she wants to know you, too. She’s been upset since you left.”

Shame flowed in my blood and I pointed to the stairs. “Then let’s go. I want to be back in case Valentin wakes up.”

Zaal led the way. When he opened the door to the gym, I heard a female voice ask, “How is she, baby? Would she speak to you? Are you okay?”

Before Zaal could reply, I walked through the door, to see her arms around his neck. Talia’s brown eyes landed on me and I walked to her side. Talia broke from Zaal and stood proudly at his side.

I could see the confidence she clearly had in the way she stood. And to my shame, I could also see how much she wanted to know me. Talia glanced to Zaal, whose face still betrayed his apprehension.

I made myself store away my conditioned reaction to her being a Tolstaia. Instead I offered my hand. Talia’s shocked face fixed on my hand, but, slowly, she threaded her hand through mine.

“Talia,” I greeted, and cleared my throat. “It’s nice to meet you. I apologize for my reaction to you this morning.” I looked at Zaal to see his pride for me on his face, and that look, that look from my big brother, forced the last fragment of our family’s historic betrayal in my heart to fade away.

“Zoya,” Talia said in response. She looked like she wanted to say more. Instead she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. I was surprised at first, but when I saw Zaal laugh at his fiancée’s embrace—he laughed—I let it happen. As Talia went to move away, a simple, “Thank you,” drifted past my ear.

She was thanking me for making him happy.

I smiled at Talia and Zaal. As he put his hand around her shoulders, Talia said, “Thank you for coming to see me.”

I had turned to go back downstairs when Zaal asked, “Where are you going?”

I froze. “Back to Valentin. He remains here; therefore so do I. I’m staying with him; he’s my heart, Zaal.” I flicked a look at Zaal and said, “He’s badly injured, sykhaara: he needs to heal. And he’s alone. He needs me.”

I had set off for the stairs when I heard: “You’ll both come with us. There’s no way I’m having my sister-in-law and her boyfriend sleeping in this place, in ‘the Darkness,’ for Christ sakes. You’ll come home with us; we have plenty of room. And you’ll stay for however long you wish.”

I had opened my mouth to respond when Zaal caught Pavel’s eye. Zaal flicked his head and said, “Help me get Valentin into the car; we’re taking him to my home.” Before I could argue, Zaal had walked down the stairs, Pavel and some other guards following immediately behind.

As I watched Valentin go I felt my heart swell. Suddenly Talia was beside me, and she laid a hand on my shoulder. “You have completed him, Zoya. By returning, you have healed the last crack in his heart.”

Without looking at her, I said, “Not as much as you do. I may have only been five when we parted, but I know my brother, and you have saved him. I didn’t need to be here to know what you’ve done for him.”