Providence

“Ryan…,” I began. Knocking at the door provided a perfect excuse to postpone the inevitable. “Beth must have forgotten her keys.” I opened the door and gasped.

She wouldn’t have come unless something was horribly wrong. The adrenaline exploded through my bloodstream as I braced myself for what she might say.

“I need to talk to you,” she said.

“What are you doing here, Claire? Is it Jared?” I asked.

She looked at Ryan and then back at me, and for the first time she didn’t have a murderous expression on her face. “Alone.”

“I’m not leaving,” Ryan said, standing in front of me.

She rol ed her eyes. “If I wanted to hurt her, Ryan, you standing there with your hands in your pockets wouldn’t do much in the way of a deterrent,”

she said, looking back to me. “It’s important, Nina.”

I could feel my heart thudding against my chest wal . “What? He’s okay, right?”

“He’s at home. He final y agreed to get some sleep.”

“Oh.” The numbness came like second nature, and automatical y an emotional wal surrounded me.

Claire frowned at my generic answer. “Oh? I can’t stand to see him like this anymore, and you’re the only one that can fix it. He’s been a mess since his birthday. He’s been a mess for weeks, but he’s been real y bad since Sunday.” She looked to the floor, clearly disturbed by whatever image was in her head. “I think it’s final y hit him that you’re not going to change your mind.”

I found my focus again, grateful to Claire for the reminder. “He’s right.”

Claire looked at Ryan and then at me in disgust. “You two aren’t fooling anyone. Jared knows exactly what’s going on. It was a stupid idea, Nina.

You’re putting him through hel for nothing. I could understand if you didn’t feel the same, but I know you do.”

I shook my head, the consequences to his family coming to the forefront of my mind. “I can’t.”

Claire’s face twisted into a heartbreaking expression, and I was taken aback when I saw her eyes gloss over.

“I’ve never seen him like this, Nina. Not even when Dad died. I was hoping he would snap out of it, that after awhile he would get over it, but he hasn’t. He won’t sleep, he can’t eat, he’s forced to watch you ignore him every day…it’s torture,” she said, stubbornly wiping a rogue tear from her cheek.

“Stop it. I don’t want to hear anymore,” I said, closing my eyes.

Claire blinked the tears away and glared at me. “Wel , that’s too bad. He has to live it, the least you can do is listen to it,” she said, pul ing my arm toward her. Ryan took his hand out of his pockets and moved toward Claire. She pressed one hand against his chest and effortlessly pushed him against the door, holding him there. Ryan leaned forward, but he was helpless against her angel’s strength.

“Don’t hurt her,” Ryan said, glowering at Claire.

Claire took her eyes from me and glanced at Ryan, taking her hand from his chest. “I’m not going to hurt her. Stay out of it, Ryan.”

Ryan stood in place against the door and looked at me. “Nina?”

“It’s okay,” I assured him. “You have to go, Claire. Please, just go.”

“He’s broken, Nina,” she pleaded. “Don’t you see it? Don’t you care? The pain he’s going through is enough, but he has to feel your pain, too. Can you imagine the pain you feel missing him, being without him, wanting him…doubled? He kept saying that you just needed space…that you would come around, but after Sunday, after you told him goodbye…it broke him.”

My resolve waivered, but I fought my weakness for Jared, knowing I was at another crossroad. I had to make the right decision.

She took a deep breath. “I know you think you’re atoning for Jack’s sins. But what you’re doing, Nina? It’s kil ing Jared. Nothing can be worse than watching him die a little more every day.”

I closed my eyes and the tears final y overflowed.

Claire looked down at her hands, her next words not coming easily. “It’s not your fault we lost our father, Nina.”

I pursed my lips and then sucked in a deep breath. “I couldn’t look him in the eye if it happened again.”

“Keeping my family safe isn’t your job. It’s Jared’s, and it’s mine. And I’m very, very good at my job. You can’t keep making him suffer because you’re afraid to repeat Jack’s mistakes.” Her eyebrows pul ed in. “It’s not a good enough reason to break his heart.”

Ryan watched both of us, confused by the exchange.

“Time wil make it easier,” I whispered.

“Time wil make it worse!” she snapped, disgusted at my suggestion. “You’re his Taleh, Nina…the other half of his soul. He’s never going to get over you. And no matter how much you hope that you wil …you’l never get over him. You’re going to wake up one day and realize what you’ve done, and you’re going to regret the time you wasted apart from him for the rest of your life.” A tear careened down her perfect cherubic cheek and she left it there, too intent on convincing me to save her brother.

I felt my face crumple. I knew she was right.

Ryan’s hand lightly touched my back. I looked at him, and although his eyes were ful of hurt, he smiled.

“Go,” he said.

I smiled at him and began to speak, but he simply shook his head, hugged me tightly, and walked out the door.

I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath.

“You’re coming with me?” she asked.

I nodded, and for the first time I saw Claire’s face light up. She threw her arms around me, hugging me a little too tight.

“Come on!” She pul ed me by the hand down the hal , unable to contain her triumphant smile. I had to jog keep up with her.

I squinted, recoiling from the remnant rain of the departing thunderstorm. The Lotus chirped when she clicked the keyless entry, and I slid in beside her, wiping the water from my arms.

“What about Ryan?” I asked.

“Bex is home,” Claire smiled. She slammed the gear shift into place and we peeled away from the curb, the engine growling as she soared toward Jared’s loft.

We didn’t speak; I fumbled with my ring and tried to imagine Jared’s reaction when I showed up unannounced.

Claire pul ed beside the curb behind the Escalade. I took a deep breath and opened my door with shaking fingers.

Jared was already standing in front of the loft under the light of a street lamp, looking exhausted and confused. He tore his eyes away from mine for just a moment to look at Claire, who stood with her door open on the other side of the car.

“Is she okay?” he asked Claire.

Claire only offered a smug smile.

He looked back at me with concern. “Did Claire force you to come here?” he asked, wary.

I shook my head, afraid to speak. His wasn’t the reaction I expected.

“I don’t understand,” he said, his eyes darting back and forth between me and Claire. “What are you doing here? Did something happen?”

Claire smiled. “Don’t make her beg, Jared. Just take her back.” And with that she ducked into her car and pul ed away.

Jared’s face darted back to mine. “W…What?”

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

Jared stared at me, his light blue t-shirt transparent from the rain.

I realized that Claire had a point to what she’d said to her brother. “I’l beg,” I nodded, taking a step toward him. “I don’t deserve forgiveness, I know, but I was hoping….” I sighed and shook my head. Nothing I could say would be enough.

“You came here to beg me back?” Jared asked, bewildered.

“Or humiliate myself by babbling incoherent nonsense in the rain….” I laughed nervously. Thunder rol ed in the distance and I pul ed my arms around me, chil ed by wet clothes.

Jared took a few steps toward me and stopped. He watched me for a moment, though I wasn’t sure what he was searching for.

“This was a bad idea. I should have cal ed.” I fidgeted, feeling more embarrassed by the second.

“You came here to apologize?” Jared asked again, taking a few more steps.

The humiliation boiled the blood under my cheeks. “I made a mistake. A huge, horrible mistake and I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”

He stared at me in disbelief and I shifted nervously, worrying that I had hurt him beyond forgiveness.

I took another step. “You were right. I was afraid they would hurt your family trying to get to me. But to save them, I hurt you. I don’t expect you to trust me again, but I am so, so sorry. I love you, Jared, and if I’ve learned anything over the past weeks, it’s that no matter what happens…I’l love you the rest of my life.”

Jared watched me prattle on with an indiscernible expression on his face.

I bit my lip; the suspense of his answer was insufferable. “Please say something.”

Jared took a few more steps until he was only inches from me. The rain dripped off his chin and nose as he looked down at me. “I’m going to kiss you, now,” he said, cupping my cheeks in his hands as if he was holding his most precious possession. “And I don’t know if I’l ever stop.”

He didn’t waste a second longer. He pressed his lips against mine, and I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. My feet left the ground and the rain disappeared as Jared whisked me into the loft and up the stairs, his feet barely touching the steps.

In seconds his mattress was beneath me. Caution was non-existent; Jared’s mouth begged mine to open as his lips worked impatiently against mine. My lips parted as my knees did, and Jared reached back to lift his shirt over his head.

His lips found their way to my waist, and his kisses ran up the midline of my stomach as he pushed my tank top up and over my head. His breathing grew uneven as he hovered above me, watching me slowly pul the straps of my bra from my shoulders. I arched my back to unsnap the clasps behind me and he tenderly kissed my lips as he pul ed the straps from my arms and tossed the lacey fabric to the floor.

He clenched the hem of my skirt and panties, pul ing them down until they were lost somewhere in the mangled sheets. I sighed as he pressed his bare chest against mine, kissing my neck while I reached down to pul his belt from the loops. Jared moaned as I ripped open the top button of his jeans and shoved them down over his hips. He used his feet to push them passed his ankles, and I heard them drop to the floor at the end of the bed.

Jared paused to look into my eyes for a long moment, and his fingers glided down my face and neck.

“I guess no one is going to interrupt tonight,” I said.

The corners of his mouth turned up and he slowly shook his head.

The grin faded to a serious, focused expression and he leaned down to kiss my lips. Jared took a deep breath in through his nose and his body tensed. I clinched my eyes shut, and involuntarily turned my head away, feeling pain and pleasure at the same time.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, breathless.

I nodded; we were final y close enough. My hands slid down his neck to his shoulders and I dug my fingers into his flesh at the intense pleasure searing through my body. A quiet groan escaped his lips as he tensed again.

His tongue tasted the inside of my mouth. My senses were overwhelmed to the point where I couldn’t think straight, so I couldn’t imagine what he must have felt. The hours passed as minutes, and the minutes as hours. I had no concept of time; I had no need for it. That moment was al I’d ever wanted, and I never wanted it to end.

I awoke on my stomach, sprawled across Jared’s bed with nothing on but the sheets tangled around my waist. I peeked over at Jared, who was on his side, watching me with a sweet expression.

“Good morning,” he crooned.

“Did you get any sleep? I asked.

Jared chuckled. “Five hours. The longest I’ve slept since I was a kid.”

I smiled and leaned over to kiss his lips. My body felt stiff and relaxed at the same time, and my muscles ached in a wonderful way.

He touched my face. “You were sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to wake you, but your last final is in ninety minutes.”

“Oh!” I scrambled off the bed with Jared’s sheet twisted around me and I held it to my chest as I shuffled to the bathroom. I stopped in my tracks, flipped around and returned to the bed, planting a ridiculously long kiss on his lips.

“I love you!” I cal ed back as I ran to the bathroom to get in the shower.

Everything felt different; the water, the soap, my skin. I couldn’t stop smiling as I recal ed the events of the night before. My fingers were starting to prune when I heard a soft knock on the door.

“Better get a move on, sweetheart.”

I shut off the water and rushed through my morning routine.

“Claire brought my clothes this morning?” I guessed, trotting down the stairs.

Jared smiled, standing by the door with my coffee. “She dropped them off at the door.”

I kissed his lips as I passed, and he fol owed me to the Escalade.

I made it to my desk just as the professor began passing out tests. It was difficult to concentrate; my mind wandered to Jared’s lips—and other parts of his body—and the fact that we had the entire summer to make up for lost time.

I was the last person to finish, and when I handed in my paper, the professor added it to the thick pile, nodding politely.

“Enjoy your summer, Miss Grey.”

“Oh, I wil ,” I said, smiling when I saw Jared standing in the doorway.

When we pul ed to the curb in front of the loft, he turned off the key and sat in his seat, keeping my hand in his.

“I feel like I should apologize to you for last night,” he said, kissing my fingers.