Princess Zara
Page 106In all the interviews I had had with the czar during the many months of
my association with him he had maintained the condition that he had
himself made at the beginning, which was that we should meet on the
basis of friends and equals. Whenever we were alone together he
commanded me to forget that we were other than two friends who were
enjoying an opportunity for a chat with each other, and as at such
times we invariably conversed in French, he always insisted that I
should address him by the simple term "monsieur." When the prince was
with us, as was nearly always the case, the degree of familiarity was
slightly, though hardly perceptibly modified, and I must say that I had
learned to enjoy such occasions exceedingly.
For Alexander I had begun to feel a sincere affection. I doubt if there
During these familiar hours we had passed together he had told me many
things concerning himself, his ideas, and his hopes; and these
confidences had revealed the real man--that is, the man behind the
czar--to me, and I knew that of the thousands of crimes attributed to
him only a few had ever come to his knowledge until it was too late for
him to interfere, or too impolitic for him to do so. Intellectually, he
was not preponderant; indeed he was rather deficient in this respect;
but he was naturally a kindly disposed man, and at the beginning of his
reign, and indeed through more than half of it, he proved that fact to
the people. It was just before the time of my arrival in St. Petersburg
that he allowed himself to fall more and more into the power of the
influenced by those in whom he trusted, thousands of crimes were
committed in his name of which he had no knowledge and of which he had
never known. At all events, I liked him, and moreover, I had thorough
faith in my own influence over him.
In like proportion to my familiarity at court and to the emperor's
fondness for my society, I was cordially hated by the nobility; but as
they feared me quite as much as they hated me, and as my real standing
among them remained a mystery, I was constantly fawned upon to a degree
that was nauseating. Even the story I had so lately heard from the lips
of the princess had not materially lessened the liking I felt for
Alexander, for I could understand much better than she could, all the
the woman in whose possession had been found cyanide of potassium
intended for his wine. I did not believe he had intended that she
should go to the island of Saghalien; I did not believe that he could
be held accountable for the evils that befell poor Yvonne in the
isolated garrisons of Siberia. He had been convinced that she intended
to poison him, and he banished her; there his part of the evil ceased.
The awful things that happened in the garrison he did not know about,
could not hear about, for I believe that among all his friends, I was
the only one who dared to tell him the truth. Even the prince lied to
him, for I had often heard him do so.