Precarious

“Babe, fuck. You just came in here and gave it to me like you actually meant it, and now you’re gonna walk out?”

I turn to him, keeping my face impassive. “I wasn’t...”

“You get up and walk outta here, there won’t be another time. You get that?”

I swallow, lifting my elbow into my hand to release some of the strain on my shoulder. I stare at him, my eyes soft from our time together.

“You came in here and fucked me; now you’re goin’ to stay and tell me why the fuck you won’t give me more.”

“You confuse me, Krypt. You said I mean something just now, but then there’s Penny and I don’t know—”

“Penny matters to me, but it ain’t in the way you think,” he says, cutting me off.

“Then how is it?” I whisper, my head slightly hazy. “Because you pushed me away the minute she showed up. If you want me to give in, Krypt, you have to as well. I know nothing about you, yet you’re asking me to just be with you.”

He sighs, dropping his head in his hands. “I don’t wanna let her down.”

Let her down?

I walk over, sitting beside him. “How would being with me let her down?”

“Penny and I were together a fair while. I loved her but she was always so perfect. My sister adored her, and we all grew up together. When my sister,” his voice grows thick, “passed, things got tense. Penny suddenly saw me as this bad man, someone she couldn’t trust. When we split, it took a few months for us to find a friendship, but when we did it was good.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“I don’t want her to think I’m some fuckin’ whore who disrespects women. It’s not how my sister saw me, and it ain’t how Penny sees me. It bothers her to see me in this lifestyle, let alone gettin’ my dick wet all the time.”

“She makes you feel ashamed for what you are?” I gasp.

“No,” he says quickly, but I know that’s how he feels. “It’s just that I care about what she thinks, because of Lacey, and I don’t want her bein’ disappointed in me. She’s the only family I have left.”

It makes sense.

“Was Lacey your sister?”

He nods.

“The tattoo on your back?”

He stiffens, but gives me a jerk of his head.

“What happened to her, Krypt?”

His entire body flinches and his face grows hard. “Car accident,” he rasps out.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.

He goes on, and I let him. “Johan was a friend of my fathers, but they quickly became enemies over some pathetic fuckin’ feud. Shit went down, and it went down bad. We were drivin’ home one night; we’d been out with Dad. There was a car behind us, swerving and making a scene. Before we knew it, he was ramming us. A long story short, we were sent spiraling off the road. The car flipped eight times—I know, I counted them.”

I swallow, reaching over and taking his hand.

“My father was dead on impact, but I wasn’t. I won’t give you details on how I knew his life was gone, but it was gruesome. My only concern then was Lacey. She was passed out, blood coming from her mouth. I yelled out for help, when that piece of shit appeared in the window. He smirked at me, the dirty son-of-a-bitch, then he looked at Lacey and back to me. His last words were, ‘such a shame,’ before he walked off and left us there.”

Tears are flowing freely from my eyes now.

“Lacey died before the ambulance arrived. I was the only one to survive. When I got old enough to start lookin’ for that piece of shit, I couldn’t find him. I was messed up and angry.”

“I’m so sorry,” I breathe.

He shakes his head. “He’s dead now. He’s paid for what he done.”

“Doesn’t make it easier.”

“No,” he says, staring at me. “But at least he can’t hurt anyone else.”

Poor Krypt. I can’t imagine how it would have felt for him to watch his sister’s life slip away from him.

“Your mom?” I ask.

“She died when she had Lacey.”

God, could it get any worse? Krypt doesn’t let me say anything, because he gets to his feet. “I’m fuckin’ restless. I can’t sit here when shit could be goin’ bad for Santana.”

“Hey,” I say, reaching out for him. “You’re doing all you can.”

“Fuckin’ hate it, Ash.”

“I know, honey,” I murmur.

He turns, dropping to his knees in front of me. “We gotta stop this bullshit. I don’t play games, Ash, and I don’t have time for them. You know all of me, so now you decide if I’m good enough to hang onto.”

My eyes scan his face. “Of course you’re good enough to hang onto, Krypt.”

“Then why the fuck are you holdin’ back?”

I stare down at my hands. “I don’t know how I would go being someone’s property. How am I supposed to just sit around and do as I’m told?”

He snorts. “God, you’ve got it all fuckin’ wrong. I’m not your goddamned owner. Yeah, when it comes to club shit, you do as you’re told, but if you wanna work, and make a life, you fuckin’ do it.”

“My job?” I whisper.

He cups my cheek. “I’ll make sure that job is there for you, if it’s what you want.”