Plastic Hearts

We walked up two steps to the large door before Dane grabbed my hand. “We’re okay, right? I mean, what I told you in the car earlier hasn’t changed anything?” He had a concerned look in eyes. This damaged man was looking for reassurance of my love for him; I hated what his childhood had done to him.

“The past doesn’t matter to me. I love you,” I said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

He used our joined hands to pull me toward him. “I love you, too. Now let’s go meet the parents.” He gave me a squeeze before turning me toward the door. Here goes nothing, I thought. I held my breath and opened the door. It was now or never.

The foyer had white marble floors, high ceilings and a grand wrap around wooden staircase. A wooden table stood in the center with a large vase of fresh cut flowers, which just happened to match my sister’s wedding colors. How very festive of my mother.

“Alexandra, is that you?” a familiar voice yelled from the kitchen. It was impossible for anyone to sneak into this house. When I was a kid, I used to wish I was invisible. I didn’t know the impossibility of it at the time, but it seemed like it would solve all my problems.

“Yes, we’re just going to bring our bags upstairs and then we’ll be ready to go to rehearsal.” I pulled off my coat and placed it in the coat closet before reaching out to take Dane’s. He had a white button down shirt on, tucked into his grey slacks and accented with a thick black belt. He looked incredible and every part of me wanted to come up with an excuse to skip rehearsal and stay home with Dane in my bed.

I heard heels on the marble before my mom came into view. “Oh no you don’t. You can’t just sneak upstairs the minute you get home without introducing me to your friend,” she said with her signature fake smile. I panicked. My two worlds were about to meet: I just hoped they wouldn’t collide.

“Mom, this is Dane. Dane, this is Catherine Riley.” I watched Dane extended his hand toward my mother. She lifted her arm to meet his before her fake smile fell slightly and her eyes doubled in size. I hadn’t noticed when Dane took off his coat, but his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, exposing some of his tattoos. Whatever came of this, it was not going to be good. I watched as my mom seemed to regain her composure and shook Dane’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Riley.” Dane was nothing but polite and charming in my element.

My mom had her fake smile back on. “Well, yes, it is nice meeting you, too.” She didn’t like him; I could tell. That was the exact same tone she used at her fundraisers and country club functions when she greeted a woman only to turn around five seconds later and complain to her friend Lori that she couldn’t stand her. Watching her at these functions made me want to be anything but her.

She turned her attention to me, wrapping me into a tight hug. She never hugged me. Never. Her intention was fully noted a few seconds later when she whispered in my ear, “Please make sure he covers up those tattoos before going to the church. Don’t embarrass me, Alexandra.” She released me before continuing. “I set Dane up in the green guest room. Let me know if you need anything.” I gave her a tight smile before heading up the steps, pulling Dane behind me.

We hadn’t even been here five minutes and my mother was already passing judgment. She didn’t like him; I could see it and I hated how she compartmentalized people into good or bad so quickly. She was everything I didn’t want to be. I wanted to live with hope; I wanted to love with my heart and turn my dreams into reality. I wanted to.

I just didn’t.

As soon as we reached the top of the stairs, Dane pulled me back into his chest. “Are you okay? You seem really tense all of a sudden.” I didn’t want to lie, but I couldn’t exactly tell him that my mom doesn’t like him without making the rest of the weekend really awkward.

“I’ll be fine. She just unnerves me sometimes, you know? I just need to get out of this house; it suffocates me,” I confessed. I wanted to get out of this house and get this whole weekend over with.

Putting his forehead to mine, he said, “Baby, just remember you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And always remember I’m here for you. You have to let me in.”

I took a deep breath. “My mom would like you to cover up your tattoos before we head to the church.” I didn’t want to suppress who Dane was. I had been suppressed my whole life and I hated every minute of it.

“I can do that if it will keep her off your back.” He kissed the tip of my nose before grabbing my hand and leading me down the extensive hallway. “So, which one is mine?”

“Third door on the left,” I said, before turning the knob on my own door. “This one is mine, in case you need to find me or something.”

He swatted my behind as he walked past to his room. “You know I’ll need something.” I walked into my room, taking it all in. Sleeping alone in my bed was going to be hard, especially knowing Dane was right across the hall. I grimaced as I looked around; it was the same as it has been for the last twelve years.

I remembered the day before my seventh birthday when my mom said they were going to redecorate my bedroom as part of my birthday gift. I was so excited and had visions of green and blue polka dots; they had always been my favorite colors. My mom had a decorator come over and I didn’t get to speak one word; it was the Catherine Riley show. Two weeks later my room was splashed with various shades of pink and purple and I absolutely hated it. I hated everything about it, but I just smiled and said thank you because that’s what I was expected to do.

A couple of years ago, I had replaced the pink comforter for a white down comforter; it was the one piece of me that was in this room. In fact, I liked it so much I bought the exact same one to take to college with me. I glanced at the pin board above my desk; it was covered with photos of Ryan and I. I hadn’t been home since I broke up with him so they were still on full display. I put my bag on the floor and started to pull the old photos down when Dane walked in. He had rolled his sleeves down to his wrist, covering all his tattoos. I loved that he did that for me without saying too much; I didn’t need another person telling me what to do.

I continued to pull pictures off the pin board as Dane came behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging my body close to him. It felt uncomfortable having my current boyfriend stand behind me while I took down pictures of my ex-boyfriend. Dane didn’t say anything about the pictures as I took them down one by one, but I could tell he wasn’t looking at them as he moved his lips up my neck and to my earlobe.

When I was done, I placed them in a box I kept on top of my desk. I may not be with Ryan anymore, but memories never fad; they are just kept where we can no longer see them.

“I was just thinking, we don’t have a picture of the two of us.” I could feel Dane’s warm breath on my ear as he spoke. We didn’t. I had known him for almost two months and we had not taken one single picture of the two of us together.

“We could fix that right now,” I said, tilting my head to give him better access to my neck.

I felt his lips leave my skin. “I think we should. Your board looks kind of bare now.” I left Dane’s arms long enough to grab my purse and pull my iPhone out of the front pocket.

I stood beside him, wrapping one arm around his waist and pressing the top of my head to his. “Ready? Smile.” I snapped a couple pictures and then instructed him to kiss me. When I was done, I did the typical girl thing and went through the pictures to make sure our eyes were open and we looked okay. My smile was different than any other picture I had seen of myself; it was real.

“You look beautiful, Baby,” Dane said from behind me.

I tucked my phone back into my purse and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “We should get going. Rehearsal starts soon.”

He nodded. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I wasn’t okay, but there wasn’t much Dane could do to make my nerves go away. He couldn’t change my parents and as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t change my reaction to them.

“I’m fine. Come on, we need to go because if we’re late, I will not be fine.” My mother would have my ass.

We rode to the church in silence as I worked through all the emotions that were going through me. I was nervous about tonight, but more than that I was scared of what could happen. I didn’t want to leave Dane alone, even for a minute. We would need each other tonight.

I took a few breaths before entering the church I had grown up in. It was a beautiful Catholic church with pastel colored murals painted on the ceilings and gold accents; it took my breath away every time I stepped inside. My sister had chosen light pink, gold, and ivory as her wedding colors and the flowers looked amazing with the church as a backdrop. Though I didn’t think she was marrying the love of her life, I had to admit she was going to be a gorgeous bride and her wedding would be one the town would be talking about forever.

Since I was maid of honor, I was needed in the bride’s room to prep for rehearsal. I never understood why we had to practice with fake bouquets and all. It really doesn’t take that much skill to hold some flowers in front of you while walking down the aisle.

I walked Dane to a pew in the back of the church, hoping no one would bother him while I was hanging out with the bride. My dad hadn’t met him yet and I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be. I didn’t want Dane to be alone when it finally happened.

I walked into the bride’s room where Gwen was having a meltdown because her rehearsal dress wasn’t the same shade of pink as the flowers in the test bouquet the floral shop had sent over. For one, I couldn’t believe my sister had real flowers sent over for rehearsal and two, was it really that big of deal? They were maybe a shade off. As soon as she noticed me standing inside the door, she ran over to me and wrapped me into a hug. “Oh, Alexandra, I’m so glad you’re here. Don’t these flowers look hideous with my dress? Tell them.”

Seriously, this was the least of my worries this weekend. I patted her on the back. “I think you look really pretty. The two different shades look stylish. I personally love it.” I didn’t want to see what would happen tomorrow if things weren’t exactly how she imagined them.