Plastic Hearts

His eyes bore into mine and I could tell that he was trying to read me. “I hope I’m turning you into Mrs. Wright.” It felt like all the air I had in my lungs escaped me and I couldn’t breathe. He didn’t just bring up marriage. No, I wasn’t hearing him right. It was too soon and I needed things to remain simple. Okay, we said I love you and we had sex but I needed this to remain where it was. “Hey, calm down. I was just kidding…sort of.”

I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I knew that.”

“Come on, over-thinker, let’s eat.”

As we ate breakfast, I thought about Dane and what it might do to him if this had to end. I spent so much time thinking about myself and what my parents were going to say that I hadn’t thought about Dane and his part in all of this. There had to be a way to make this work. I could have Dane and make my parents happy. There had to be a way.

Chapter Sixteen

I woke up this morning and felt complete. I couldn’t tell you what it was like to walk through life from day to day living someone else’s dream. There were no words to describe what it was like to be a puppet with someone else holding the string. The big house, nice cars, country club membership, and last name affiliations may be important to my parents, but they were never what defined me, never who I was on the inside. When people thought of Alexandra Riley, they thought of money; I wanted them to see Alex Riley and think of the person. I could never get that at home, but college was like my second birth. I began to live my life the way I wanted to.

It has been a week since Dane and I were together for the first time and it had done nothing but bring us closer. We had continued our nightly study sessions during the week, but now we usually ended up at his apartment and studying often turned into something else. He treated me like I was a piece of fine china and I wanted to tell him how right he was. My mind constantly drifted to the future and he sensed it. He could read me like no one else could and I was having a hard time letting him in completely. The best way to drown out those thoughts was with his kiss; it had become my drug of choice.

He was always caring and attentive, nothing like I thought sex would be, but I think it had a lot to do with the guy I was with. I wondered if my mom ever had this with my dad or if things were always so robotic between them. I wondered if my sister had this with her fiancé, but I knew the answer to that one. Their lives were about appearances and parties and I couldn’t remember a time where I ever looked at them and thought, “They look so happy”. A part of me felt sorry for them because they have never experienced this. But then again, they didn’t really know any better.

My sister’s wedding was two weeks away and I hadn’t brought Dane up to my parents or the wedding up to Dane. If I told my mom about Dane, she would ask a bunch of questions that I wouldn’t want to answer or I would lie about everything. Either way, it was not going to be easy. If I told Dane about the wedding, he would expect to attend with me. That was what couples did, right? My solution was to wait and tell Dane about the wedding a few days beforehand. That way he wouldn’t be able to get off work and I wouldn’t have to introduce him to the parents. I didn’t feel good about doing it, but it was what was easiest for all of us. It was a way for me to stay in my own little world a little while longer.

Jade thought I was being stupid and selfish and I was. I wanted Dane to go with me and help relieve some of the stress my family created, but I knew it would only cause new stress. Gwen agreed with my decision to keep my new relationship on the down low; she knew the fall out it would cause if my parents knew about Dane. The difference between Jade and Gwen’s advice was just another game of tug of war playing in my mind, but Gwen knew what I was facing more than Jade did.

I was also starting to think about what would happen over the summer when I returned to Greenwich and Dane remained in the city. I spent hours one night looking at summer internships, but they really did not exist for someone who had just completed her first year of Pre-Med. Getting a real job was out of the question; my parents would never let me work over the summer. The only thing I could hope for was a few weekend trips to the city to see Dane because it wasn’t like I could have him come to my house.

On top of everything, midterms were coming up and I needed to do some serious studying so I could maintain the grade point average I was expected to have. I was well aware that study sessions at Dane’s apartment were not very productive so I opted to study in the library today. I did invite him to join me; I couldn’t imagine spending the whole evening without him, but here we would be focused and monitored. He couldn’t distract me with his sweet kisses and beautiful body.

I wandered into the library and found a quiet table in the corner. It appeared I wasn’t the only one trying to find a quiet place to study; there were groups of students at almost every table with their noses buried deep in a book. I pulled out my Calculus book and got to work. Dane was supposed to meet me here after his last class. This was not a place he would usually go, he had reminded me of this over and over, but said he would go anywhere that I was.

Just like I knew he would, he walked in a little after four and put his bag down on the chair across from me before kissing my cheek. He smelled so good, like soap and mint; it took everything I had to not grab his head and kiss him senseless. That kind of kissing was definitely not meant for the library. “Hey, Gorgeous, have you been waiting long?”

“No, not really. I was just studying for my Calculus mid-term.”

“That sounds exciting.” He sat across from me and started pulling his laptop and notebook from his bag. “I need to write a paper for art history. I thought it was a punishment until you mentioned Calculus.”

“Well, Calculus is the one subject I’m not very good at so let’s get some studying done. Let me study until seven and then you can take me out for pizza. Deal?” I knew this would work. He liked to buy me things and take me places, but I always fought him on it. This was my compromise of sorts.

He leaned over the table so we were less than a foot apart. “Anywhere you are, remember that.”

I swore my toes just curled in my brown UGG boots. Dane was every girl’s dream and I was his only dream. I leaned in to kiss him on the lips quickly before sitting back in my seat and reading through my Calculus notes. After an hour or so, my eyes started to blur and I reached into my bag for my reading glasses. They were large and dark rimmed; my mother had hated them when I picked them out which made me love them even more.

I heard Dane clear his throat from across the table and looked up to find him staring at me. “Do you need help with something?”

He had a glint in his eyes...those beautiful green eyes. “Actually, yes. Can you see if you can find a book on Salvador Dali? I suck at finding books in the library; it’s like the road less traveled without a map.”

“But they have a whole system,” I said. I thought that learning the Dewey Decimal System was a pretty standard part of elementary school education. Maybe it wasn’t in New York.

“I know, I just don’t have time to learn it today. Please. I’m buying you a pizza later,” he said before sticking his lower lip out at me. How could I say no to that?

“Fine, I’ll be right back.” I walked through a few aisles to the back of the library. This was definitely a less utilized area of the library. The books all looked and smelled old. When I was younger, I used to go into my grandparent’s library and pull books from the shelf to smell them. Some people liked the smell of gasoline or rubber cement, but for me it was always the smell of old books. The old leather bound ones smelled the best. I couldn’t help myself when I grabbed a black leather Art History 1800-1899 book from the shelf and inhaled its scent.

I had completely lost touch with all reality, when I felt big strong arms wrap around my waist. Turning around quickly, I saw Dane standing in front of me with a huge grin on his face. “What are you doing over here? I thought you didn’t know your way around the library?” There was a bit more annoyance in my voice than I had intended, but he had just taken me away from my ‘moment’.

“I know my way around the library; we learned that back in elementary school.” He was still grinning at me and I was not seeing the humor in this. He definitely had other things on his mind. They weren’t the smartest, considering the circumstances.

“But-”

He placed a finger on my lips and moved us back so I was up against the bookcase. He replaced his finger with his lips and I was temporarily frozen in place. I couldn’t believe my boyfriend was kissing me in the library in the middle of the day. Alexandra Riley did not do this, but after thinking about if for a split second I realized that Alex Riley would so do this and I wrapped my arms around his neck. The electricity between us was uncontrollable and I felt like I’d combust at any moment.

He walked us into a dark corner where he began to move his hands up to my breasts. “Dane!” A light chuckle escaped his mouth, but he didn’t stop and God knows I really didn’t want him to. I felt all self-control and self-consciousness leave my body as I wrapped my legs around his waist. I was not sure who started it, but our bodies began to move slightly and it created a friction between my legs that had me biting his shoulder a few minutes later. A week ago I hadn’t even had sex, and now I was having orgasms in the library.

When I had calmed down, Dane stood me on my feet and helped me straighten out my clothes. I laughed as he worked to adjust himself. I felt bad that he hadn’t got as much out of our little exchange as I had, but I wasn’t quite ready to take care of that problem in the library.

I started to walk back to our table when Dane said my name. I turned around; he looked serious, but he was biting his lip to hold back an obvious smile. “Did you find that book?”

I walked toward him, stopping when our lips were only inches apart, “You seem to know your way around the library just fine”. I ran my eyes down his body before returning them to meet his. He wanted me to kiss him; his eyes were hooded and bore into me with enough passion for the both of us.