Pieces of You

She doesn’t normally send me good morning emails, but then again she doesn’t normally wake up five hours before me on a Monday. I make it through a few more emails from the grading and rebar subcontractors before I get to the last email from my cousin Jamie.

Jamie: Just thought I’d give you a heads up that Lindsay and Nathan are going to be at that competition on Koki Beach. Also, I spoke to Pauline (not about what you told me) and they’re doing okay.

That’s it. Even though we had a nice heart-to-heart discussion about Myles, she’s still a little pissed that I didn’t tell her the specifics of his death. She thinks I should have trusted her not to tell anyone. She doesn’t understand that I still feel like I got away with manslaughter. There’s no way I would have stopped Jamie if she went to the cops because that’s pretty much all I’ve hoped for these past five years since Myles fell to his death. I wish someone stronger than I would confess on my behalf.

So Nathan and Lindsay are going to the competition and Pauline and the rest of Myles’ family are doing okay. I don’t believe that Pauline is okay, but I have no doubt that Nathan and Lindsay will be at the Koki competition. Lindsay and Nathan are the reason I moved to Wrightsville Beach. On one hand, catching Lindsay cheating on me with Nathan was one of the best things that ever happened to me because it led me to Claire. On the other hand, I really don’t want to see her fucking smirk or the scar on his face from the day I beat the shit out of him. Mostly, I don’t want to be reminded of how out of control I was back then.

After a few hours of phone calls spent trying to work out permits and temporary utilities, Larry invites me to lunch while Sam stays in the trailer to hold down the fort. We each take our own vehicles because Larry has a meeting on the other side of the base after lunch. I follow him to Wrangler’s Steakhouse on Kaumualii Highway just a few blocks away from my rental house. As soon as we’re seated at our table, it only takes one sentence uttered from beneath Larry’s craggily gray mustache to know that I’m going to regret this lunch.

“So how long have you been working for Daddy?”

The waitress arrives and takes our drink order, giving me a moment to think of an appropriate response to this inappropriate question. Larry orders an Arnold Palmer and I order a glass of water.

“I’ve been working with my dad part-time for more than two years and full-time since June.”

I’m tempted to add that I started working at Parker Construction after graduating from Duke with my bachelor’s in architecture, but I doubt it would do anything to convince Larry that I deserve this position. Larry smiles as he sits back in his chair and folds his thick hands over his belly.

“I’ve known your dad for quite some time and I know he’s got plenty of other guys more qualified to do this job. Why’d he send you?”

I grit my teeth together as I try to remind myself that I will only be working with this prick for eight weeks. I dealt with the skeptical looks from employees in the Wilmington office for the first year or so, but everyone there knows I worked my ass off to get my degree and help my dad out for nearly three years and they respect me for it. This asshole doesn’t know that and it’s not my job to school him. But one good thing my dad did teach me was that we teach people how to treat us. Larry Cromwell will not treat me like a spoiled dumbass for eight weeks.

“I assure you that I am the most qualified project engineer for this project. I handled the startup on the Camp Lejeune training center project in June and, no disrespect, but this project is a walk in the park compared to that. My father sent me here because I’m the only one he trusts to oversee the dredging.”

He doesn’t look convinced, but this shuts him up. We make it through the meal without any further questions about my qualifications. We talk about the meetings we have scheduled for the week and when the drilling subcontractor is set to start their work. By the time I get into my car I’m annoyed. I don’t want to call Claire when I’m like this, but she asked me to call her on my lunch break.

I pull out of the steakhouse parking lot behind Larry’s new Cadillac and punch Claire’s number. I put her on speakerphone before I set the cellphone into the cup holder.

“Hey, sexy,” she answers.

“Hey, baby. What are you doing?”

“Studying to retake the exam I just failed this morning.”

“Why did you fail? I thought you were studying for that last night.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “I was gone for a while last night. I didn’t get a whole lot of studying done.”

“Were you partying on a Sunday?”

The silence on the other end of the phone puts me even more on edge. She’s hesitating and I can only imagine why.

“Chris was in an accident yesterday so I was at the hospital for a few hours. I didn’t get to study.”

Fuck. I hate that I feel even the slightest bit happy that he was in an accident. That’s fucked up.

“What happened? Is he all right?”

“He’s fine. He just broke his leg and they had to reset his fibula.”

“You went to the hospital to visit him for a few hours when you had a test to study for and all he has is a broken leg?”

“I didn’t know until I got there.”

“But you stayed for a few hours.”

“I was already there.”

I take a deep breath as I attempt to focus on the road. The ten-mile drive back to the base and the conversation with Claire was supposed to calm me before I got back to work.

“Adam?”

“What?”

“You’re mad.”

“How did you even visit him at night if you’re not family? I thought his mom never adopted you.”

“Adam, please.”

“Please, what? I just want to know if you’ve been lying to me.”

“I have not been lying to you. I lied to the hospital staff.”

“What do you mean, you lied to the hospital staff?”

She sucks in a loud breath then lets it out slowly. “It’s not a big deal. I just told them we were family so that I could get in to see him.”

“I don’t fucking get it. Why was it so important to see him if it was just a broken leg?”

“Because I ran into Jackie in the waiting room and she wanted me to see him so I lied to the hospital staff and said we were married. Okay? Are you happy now or are you going to keep grilling me?”

Am I happy now?

I blink my eyes to keep the silvery road in front of me from blurring with rage. They taught us in anger management to take a moment to collect our thoughts. Step away until you can work things out calmly. I’ve had to use the shit I learned in anger management a lot lately.

“I can’t talk about this right now. I have to get back to work. I’ll call you when I get off work.”

“Adam, please don’t shut down. I had to deal with Jackie the best way I could. You have to understand what a tough situation I’m in here. She doesn’t know anything about the baby or us.”

“Why doesn’t she know about us?”

“Because I already broke her heart and I’m just becoming a part of her life again. And I need her. She’s the closest thing I have to a mother. Please don’t make me put that in jeopardy.”

“If she’s like a mother to you she’ll understand that you’ve moved on. I think you haven’t told her because you’re not sure you’re ready to move on.”

“What? That’s ridiculous. I… I can’t even believe you would say that. Chris and I are over. We’re just friends and we have to stay that way if we want to have any chance of seeing Abigail.”

Her voice cracks when she says her daughter’s name and I feel awful. Even if I’m still not totally convinced that there’s nothing between her and Chris, I can’t make her feel even guiltier than she already does. I can’t give her a reason to go running to him.

But I also can’t fucking stand knowing that she was at the hospital, lying to the staff, and sitting there with him for God knows how long, all over a broken leg.

“I’m sorry. I feel like you’re slipping through my fingers and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t…. I don’t even know if I should.”

“What does that mean?”

I pull the car over onto the grass along the highway because I’m getting close to the guard station and I’m not supposed to be using a cellphone when I pull up.

“I mean that I don’t know if I should be trying to fight this. If you feel yourself being pulled to him, maybe I should just let it happen.”

I grab the phone out of the cup holder and take her off speakerphone. I suck in a deep breath and close my eyes as I lean my head against the headrest.

“I don’t want to be with Chris. I want to be with you.”

“I don’t want you to be with him. I want you all to myself, and I’m beginning to see how selfish that must seem. But it’s the fucking truth. I can’t stand that he gets to have you at his side whenever he needs you. I’m just not comfortable with it.”

“Are you saying you want me to stop seeing Chris?”

“Babe, I don’t think you see what’s happening because you want to think the best of him. He’s your first love and the father of your child. I get it. But this is exactly what he wants.”

“He wanted to break his leg?”

“No, he wants to tear us apart.”

“He does want to tear us apart and you’re allowing him to do just that.”

“I’m not allowing him to do shit, but I can’t do anything from here. You don’t understand the fucking lunch meeting I just had.” My stomach clenches as my mind goes over the last hour spent with Larry Cromwell. “I’m chained to this fucking island for the next eight weeks. I can’t blow this job. I can’t swoop in and take you back if Chris gets his way with you, but I want to. I want to show up at your door and take you in my arms. I want to kiss you till you can’t breathe. I want to be next to you and on top of you and inside of you. I want to fucking inhale you and every moment we spend together. But I can’t do that from here. I’m at a huge disadvantage. And I’m not giving up, I’m just telling you that I don’t think I can deal with this shit right now.”

“I don’t like where this conversation is going. I—” Her voice cuts off for a moment before it comes back. “It’s Chris calling me on the other line. He’s supposed to call me and tell me what happened with the meeting between Tasha and Abigail’s mother.”

“Go ahead. I know you have to take this. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I shake my head as I drop the phone into the cup holder. This is way too much stress to put on a two-month relationship. Claire needs to take care of this stuff with her foster mother and Abigail and Chris. And she needs to study. I need to focus on getting this project set up and training for Koki Beach. If we want to have any chance of coming out the other side of the next eight weeks without hating each other, we need a break.

Chapter Eighteen

Chris

CLAIRE’S VOICEMAIL GREETING COMES ON and I immediately hang up. She’s probably meditating or talking to her boyfriend. I told her I would call her with the news about Tasha’s meeting. I move to lay my phone on the rolling table next to my hospital bed and just this small movement sends a bolt of pain shooting through my right leg and up my spine.

“Fuck!”

The phone vibrates in my hand as Nurse Fran walks into my room. “Is everything all right in here?” she asks as I answer the phone.

“Claire, you have to come down here,” I say into the phone, the pain pulsating throughout my entire body giving my voice a hard edge.