Phantastes, A Faerie Romance

"Our life is no dream; but it ought to become one,

and perhaps will."--NOVALIS.

"And on the ground, which is my modres gate,

I knocke with my staf; erlich and late,

And say to hire, Leve mother, let me in."

CHAUCER, The Pardoneres Tale.

Sinking from such a state of ideal bliss, into the world of shadows

which again closed around and infolded me, my first dread was, not

unnaturally, that my own shadow had found me again, and that my torture

had commenced anew. It was a sad revulsion of feeling. This, indeed,

seemed to correspond to what we think death is, before we die. Yet I

felt within me a power of calm endurance to which I had hitherto been

a stranger. For, in truth, that I should be able if only to think such

things as I had been thinking, was an unspeakable delight. An hour of

such peace made the turmoil of a lifetime worth striving through.

I found myself lying in the open air, in the early morning, before

sunrise. Over me rose the summer heaven, expectant of the sun. The

clouds already saw him, coming from afar; and soon every dewdrop would

rejoice in his individual presence within it.

I lay motionless for a few minutes; and then slowly rose and looked

about me. I was on the summit of a little hill; a valley lay beneath,

and a range of mountains closed up the view upon that side. But, to my

horror, across the valley, and up the height of the opposing mountains,

stretched, from my very feet, a hugely expanding shade. There it lay,

long and large, dark and mighty. I turned away with a sick despair; when

lo! I beheld the sun just lifting his head above the eastern hill,

and the shadow that fell from me, lay only where his beams fell not. I

danced for joy. It was only the natural shadow, that goes with every man

who walks in the sun. As he arose, higher and higher, the shadow-head

sank down the side of the opposite hill, and crept in across the valley

towards my feet.

Now that I was so joyously delivered from this fear, I saw and

recognised the country around me. In the valley below, lay my own

castle, and the haunts of my childhood were all about me hastened home.

My sisters received me with unspeakable joy; but I suppose they observed

some change in me, for a kind of respect, with a slight touch of awe in

it, mingled with their joy, and made me ashamed. They had been in great

distress about me. On the morning of my disappearance, they had found

the floor of my room flooded; and, all that day, a wondrous and nearly

impervious mist had hung about the castle and grounds. I had been gone,

they told me, twenty-one days. To me it seemed twenty-one years. Nor

could I yet feel quite secure in my new experiences. When, at night, I

lay down once more in my own bed, I did not feel at all sure that when I

awoke, I should not find myself in some mysterious region of Fairy Land.

My dreams were incessant and perturbed; but when I did awake, I saw

clearly that I was in my own home.