Perfectly Imperfect

“Kane, I know nothing about being your PA. My degree didn’t set me up to be a mega hunk movie star’s employee.”

“Mega hunk movie star?” I smile. “Baby, you know everything about it. You know me better than anyone does, and for the last few weeks, you’ve seemed to understand more about my world than people who have lived it their whole lives. Think back, and I mean really think about everything we’ve gone through on the set. Everything that almost slipped and spilled into a massive pile of shit until you caught it and fixed everything.”

She continues to look into my eyes, and I relax the tension from my body and open myself up so she can see my sincerity.

“Outside of that, Willow, the time we’ve spent learning each other’s bodies, what makes the other person tick, the late-night chats while I feel your body naked against mine … none of that was fake, and it damn sure doesn’t deserve you trying to cheapen it by calling yourself a whore.”

“Kane, honestly, I feel like I’m struggling right now. Where do we go from here? It just seems so big to pack up my whole life and move to California, and I don’t want to have any doubts about why. I’m sorry for acting like a brat, but I’m not sorry I got that off my chest. I feel like, had I not, it would have become a bigger issue down the road.”

“What’s really bothering you, Willow?” Surely, this is bigger than I can see. I don’t think she would have made such a big deal, grasping at straws, if there wasn’t a bigger concern—doubt—on her mind. “Is it me, us, that you’re questioning?”

She shakes her head. “No. Maybe. Heck, I don’t know. I feel silly now.” She looks away and worries her lip between her teeth. “Aside from the job, which I’m not sure I feel qualified for, I’ll admit I’ve had so much fun stepping up and helping make sure you’re taken care of, easing your stress. I know there isn’t anything left in New York but Kirby and her family, and even she will be back and forth with her career starting with you. Eddie isn’t there anymore with his travel and clients keeping him constantly jetting all over the globe. So I guess, deep down, I’m freaking out because I have no idea where we’re going from here. Am I about to move across the country just for a job, or more?”

“So it is us that you’re questioning. Have I not made it clear about where this is going?”

She looks up at me, and I can see that apparently, I have not.

“Baby, I’m too old to play games. I’ve spent thirty-five years looking for something I’ve felt was missing. Three times, I felt I had found it when I looked into the timid eyes of a beautiful woman I knew nothing about. That was enough for me to do what I needed to take a chance, and in order to do that, I had to be underhanded. But now we’ve had a chance to explore it, and I now look at those three times in the past as a missed opportunity. Because I know you are the something I’ve been missing.” I reach up and swipe at the moisture that spills over her lid. “A month later and because my life makes dating challenging, we’ve spent more time together than normal couples just getting to know each other. That might seem early for the vast majority, but to me, it feels like I’ve known you for years. I wouldn’t be weaving you tightly into my life if it wasn’t where I wanted to have you for a long time coming.”

She nods her head, and her arms wrap around me, embracing me before speaking. “I don’t doubt you when it comes to us, but I guess I needed to hear it. When you look at it in time, it does seem quick, so it is a little daunting. I guess I was falling back on some old habits of doubt.”

“You said you trusted me, Willow. I don’t just mean with your body, I meant with all of you. I want you … this, us. But our relationship will never be normal. We went at the speed of light because honestly, that is just how things are done in my life.”

Her eyes continue to gaze into mine, the love I’ve felt coming from her in the last few days not even masked in the least. “And, to the public, will I be your employee or more?”

God, I want to kiss her. Just by her asking me that is a testament to how far she’s come in the last few weeks. Going from being scared of me, her feelings, and whether she could open herself enough to give herself to me to the stunning woman standing up and asking for what she desires. She shows me daily that she’s beyond brave. Overcoming the issues she had with herself was a huge hurdle. Everything else has just fallen into place since. She hasn’t held back, not once all month, until today. And I know that with the enormity of what I’m asking of her, I should have expected it. I pull her closer; my lips brush against hers and then wrap my arms around her tight and reassuring. I allow the silence in order to make sure I can word my response in a way that leaves her no more fucking doubts about us.

I’m asking her to leave the life she had been living. One where years of verbal abuse had made her afraid to really live because of the fear she had of others’ judgment. She let that fear rule her completely. Their judgment had made her hate herself. I know she started to heal a year ago when her husband cheated and she left, but that healing didn’t compound into completion until she started to let go of those fears, insecurities, and doubts. She was almost there before I came into the picture, but she crossed the finish line with me at her side. I know that. But I know my mention of not only a job, but also a future together is why some of that is trying to rear its ugly head.

And now, now I’m asking her to take a chance on a life that will thrust her into the public eye. Into a life full of nothing but the kind judgment that beat her down in the past. I’m asking her not to just be with me, but to face her fears head-on.

“I’m asking you to be mine. I’m too old for titles and shit, but if you need them, baby, then that’s what you’ll get. If you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, having that title to our relationship so you understand that what I’m building here is a future and not a fling, then it’s yours. But, bottom line, I’m asking you to be mine and not to end what we’re starting. I’m going to ask you to be strong, but if you can’t or need help along the way, know I will never be far. I will not hide someone I care about from the world. I would notify the media right now if that’s what it took for you to see I don’t just want you as my employee, but my lover as well, but I want you to feel comfortable with our relationship before we let in the vultures.”