Perfectly Damaged

“It’s City of Sound. They’re an indie rock band from Philly. You’ve never heard of them before?” I ask, completely shocked. They’re popular and have been around forever.

She shakes her head, her solemn gaze still stuck on my dashboard. “No.”

“Oh. Well they’re one of my favorite bands. This song is called ‘What’s the Point?’” The lyrics speak about life and whether it’s worth it. With all the fucked-up things we all go through, what’s the point of still living? There are times when you just want to give it all up. But then it goes on to say that maybe, just maybe, there’s a purpose in your life and that purpose could be sitting right next to you.

The light ahead of me flashes to red, and I take this time to study Jenna. Her head rests against the headrest, and her eyes are shut. Brown hair tumbles down her shoulders and touches her hands as they rub along her biceps. Goose bumps cover her arms. I have the air conditioner on, but it’s low. “Are you cold?” I ask.

“No. It’s just…the words. They’re dead-on. So dead-on. That’s all.”

I know exactly what she means. “I love their music. It’s always powerful, real, and raw. Their albums got me through some tough shit in my life. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of them.”

Jenna tilts her head along the headrest, large beautiful brown eyes looking into mine. “I’m surprised I haven’t either. Do they have more like this?”

“Ch-yeah!” She smiles at my response. “Do you want to hear one of my favorites?” She nods. I scan through the album on my radio until I find it. “This is ‘Rain on Me.’”

Her lips curl into a grin as the song starts. Listening intensely to the words, she leans back again, closes her eyes, and allows the music to just seep through. After the first verse, she starts bobbing her head side to side along with the beat. She’s enjoying it, feeling it. I can’t stop smiling. It’s like I’m listening to the words for the first time.

Jenna flashes her lids open when the song ends and looks at me. Her eager eyes widen at catching me staring at her, but then she blinks as she beams from ear to ear. “I love it. I want to hear more.”

I chuckle. Whatever was bothering her before isn’t on her mind now. “All right, here’s another one of my favorites.” I find the song and continue to drive.

“I can’t believe you didn’t let me pay,” Jenna argues, her round button nose wrinkling as she slumps down into a chair.

“I told you, it wouldn’t be fair to make you pay when you’re not in the mood for ice cream, so it’s my treat.” I wink, settling in a seat across from her.

“You think you’re just so smart, don’t ya?”

“Well, I didn’t get the highest SAT scores out of my entire senior class for nothing.”

“Really?” she asks.

“No,” I confess. “I had a terrible score.” Jenna’s cheeks color as she laughs at me. I smile charmingly and continue, “But I’m sure I could’ve done better. I didn’t bother to study. There was no reason to. I already knew college was out of the question for me.”

Her features shift out of curiosity. “Why was that?”

“’Cause I knew I had a set job with my uncle. I hated school to begin with. I hated studying, for that matter. I just didn’t see the point.”

“Is that what you always dreamed of doing? Working in construction your entire life?” She seems disappointed.

“Look, Jenna, not all of us have it easy. I didn’t want to try and scrape up money and then work three dead-end jobs just to pay for a diploma. I knew a piece of paper wasn’t gonna get me anywhere in the end.”

“I see.” She looks down, dips her plastic spoon into her ice cream, and then brings it up in salute. “Here’s to stupid, overpriced pieces of paper.” She smiles, drops the spoon into her mouth, pops it out, and licks her lips afterward, letting out a slight moan as she does. “This is so good.”

Fuck me. I wet my lips and look down, stabbing my spoon into my own bowl. I just can’t. It’s taking every fucking ounce of my willpower not to lean across the table and suck on her chocolate-flavored lips. This is going to be harder than I thought. “Yeah,” I add. “I tried to convince Bryson to return his diploma after he freaked out when he received his first student loan bill. He said it doesn’t work that way.” I know it doesn’t work that way, but it was my way of using humor to make a shitty situation better. A new noise brings my head up. Jenna’s hand is covering her mouth. “Did you just snort?” I ask her.

“Oh my God, Logan. You’re…” She drops her hand as she stares at me with bright eyes. “Very interesting. Yes, that’s it. You’re interesting.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment and not an insult.”

She sucks in her bottom lip. I think she knows the effect those lips have on me. Shit, she could recite the entire dictionary and I promise you right now, it would be the most entertaining narration I’ve ever heard—as long as I could stare at those lips. “It’s a compliment,” she says.

“Well, well. Now we’re talking…” Her eyes shift uncomfortably. “I’m kidding, Jersey. No need to get that scared look in your eyes.”

“Whatever.”

“So what about you? What did you major in at college?”

She slips another scoop into her mouth. “What makes you think I went to college?” I raise a brow, giving her a don’t-give-me-shit look. “All right, I did. My major was business. Their plan was to have me work for my father’s company, but things got in the way and I left school before I could finish.”

“You don’t have a degree?”

Jenna forces a tight smile. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

“No, you’re not disappointing me at all. It’s just that I’m surprised. What kind of things got in the way?”

“I knew you’d ask that,” she says, blowing out a long breath. “It’s, um, complicated. I just had a lot going on in my head. You know, petty teenage girl problems.” She brushes off the whole discussion with that last line, as if the interruption of her college career was no big deal, but I take it as a decoy. She’s trying to cover up the real reasons behind it, but I don’t push her.