Perfectly Damaged
Page 37“All right. Well, Blair Mega Bitch and I weren’t exactly BFFs.”
“Thank God because you’d be swinging alone,” I joke.
Jenna chuckles, then goes on, “We were actually the opposite. I hated her as much as she hated me. But it was high school. I think every teenage girl has at least one enemy in high school.”
“Which I never understood. I thought all you girls stuck together. You know, girl power and all.”
“Are you going to let me tell the story?” I don’t respond, giving her clearance to go on. “Well, one day I was walking down the hall on my way to class and spotted Blair Mega Bitch with her clique. I ignored their usual stares and kept going. I didn’t expect her to put her foot out and trip me as I passed by her.”
“Wow. How original.”
“Right? Anyway, I wasn’t one of those antisocial kids that ran to the bathroom crying after being picked on. Instead, I was the antisocial kid that fought back. So I gathered my things, put them aside, straightened my shoulders, turned around to face her as she laughed her head off, and punched her straight in the face.”
Right here, right now, I feel pride. So much pride. I can’t contain myself. I pull Jenna up, face her, and place my hands on her shoulders, looking excitedly into her eyes. She narrows her stare, not exactly sure what I’m about to say or do. I breathe in and, in my best Will Ferrell impersonation, blurt out, “Did we just become best friends?”
Jenna smiles, nods once, and says in a deep tone, “Yep!” It’s the worst John Reilly impersonation I’ve ever heard. I burst out laughing. She’s seen Step Brothers.
Then the most perfect plot of all fucking plots stirs in my head. I can be friends with her and slowly make her fall for me. “Do you like ice cream?” I ask.
She raises a brow. “Uh, yeah?”
“We’re gonna go out for ice cream this week.” I say.
“Logan. That’s a date.”
“Since when has going out for ice cream been a date? Kids go out for ice cream. It’s friendly. Very, very friendly. In fact, to prove it’s not a date, I’ll even put my ego aside and allow you to pay.”
Jenna laughs. It’s the sweetest laugh I’ve ever heard. “You’re trying to sneak in a date with me.”
I raise my hand to my chest. “Promise. Not a date, just a friendly outing. Two friends, chatting over gelatos, sharing the same hate interest for a Blair Mega Bitch.”
“All right,” she says.
This weekend at the lake house was—well, I can’t explain it. I just needed it. It was the perfect end to a screwed-up beginning. I won’t admit this out loud, but I’m actually happy Charlie talked me into going. At first it was difficult for me to be social and open up, but Logan made it easy. No, I didn’t open up one hundred percent about myself. But there were times this weekend when he brought out a side of me I hadn’t seen for a long time. I miss that part of me. And even though I get this tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach when I’m around him—which is more than what a friend should feel for another friend—I like that we agreed to be just friends.
Because deep down I know he’ll never want to be with someone like me. The real me. The me he has yet to see. The question is if I keep spending time with him, will I be able to keep that part hidden?
We’re on our drive back to Jersey now. Charlie’s chatting away as I lean back in the passenger seat. My eyes catch the reflection of my smile in the passenger window. Smiling. It’s such an odd expression for me. And it’s because of Logan. The way he treated me this weekend. The way I felt around him. He made me laugh, made me feel comfortable with being a goof, playful even. And for the first time in as long as I can remember, it was okay to feel those things.
I must admit, when I first laid eyes on him in my backyard by the swimming pool, I would’ve never pegged him for the friendly, gentle goofball—probably one of the biggest I’ll ever meet—that he is. So what if I only spent a few days with him? I still can’t imagine Logan being the person Blair Mega Bitch claimed him to be. If she’s anything like she was back in high school, I’m certain it was just a ploy to get back at Logan—or me, for that matter—for one thing or another.
“You and Logan seemed a bit friendly this morning,” Charlie prods.
I turn my head, facing her, “What do you mean?”
Charlie looks straight ahead, focusing on the long tree-lined road. “Well, for starters, he was practically all over you this morning…and it was kind of awkward.”
I’m caught off guard. “He was not all over me this morning. And what was awkward?”
She’s talking about when Logan and I were cracking jokes about Blair Mega Bitch during breakfast. “And what’s so awkward about that?” I ask.
“It’s not a bad awkward. It’s just like, I don’t know—it felt weird watching you like that. You seemed happy.”
“It’s weird to see me happy?” I retort. Charlie’s little statement causes a flash of heat between my ears, and I’m sure my face is flushing right now. Have I been that out of touch with myself that I haven’t even realized how miserable I’ve been? So miserable, in fact, that seeing me happy is out of place? Now I’m kind of angry with myself.
“No. No, Jenna. I’m just curious. The two of you were, well, out on that swing the entire night in your own la-la land. Did something happen? Are you guys, like, well…hooking up?”
I laugh self-consciously. “Hooking up? No. We realized we have a lot in common, that’s all. And I told him I’d prefer to just be friends. He was fine with that. I don’t know Logan entirely, but it’s nice to have someone to talk to.”
“You can always talk to me.” Her voice is soft, perhaps with a bit of jealousy.
I reach out, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Charlie, I will always have you, and you’ll always have me. You’re an amazing friend. But you’re the one who said I should stop being the antisocial kid. This is me stopping that.”
She sighs, nodding. “You’re right. I just want you to be careful, ya know? I want to make sure you’re careful. That’s all.”