Perfecting Patience

I was put in a tiny meeting room, sitting in one of the most uncomfortable chairs I’d ever sat in, to wait. When the door opened, I stood, but my knees felt weak when she entered. Her hair was limp and dull, her eyes were watery and lifeless, and her face was branded with what looked like a permanent frown.

The generic grey pants and white T-shirt she wore washed her out even more. She looked almost nothing like the beautiful girl I’d fallen in love with. Her eyes reached mine, but their usual light never came. She just stared back at me in silence.

The nurse who brought her in smiled awkwardly at me before she quietly shut the door behind her. It was just Patience and me standing in the stillness of a practically empty room.

“Are you okay?” It was the only thing I could think to ask.

“I think so.”

Her voice sounded tiny and as fragile as she looked. I wanted to hold her to me and take it all away. I wanted to take her away from everything and plant her in the California sun and pray she’d grow back into the girl she used to be.

“Good.” I swallowed hard. “You should’ve come to me. I could’ve helped.”

She didn’t respond. Instead, she shrugged a little and I saw the regret on her face.

“I didn’t even know you were going to a therapist. I wish you’d trusted me enough to tell me these things. Of all the people in the world who could understand drugs and life issues, I would’ve understood. I didn’t even know you had a prescription for Xanax.”

It was a generic conversation, but I was too afraid to push, and she was obviously not in the mood to talk.

“I didn’t have a prescription,” she whispered.

She pushed back a strand of dull blond hair and closed her eyes in embarrassment.

“Then where did you get them?”

None of this made any sense to me. I felt as if I’d lived with a stranger all the time I was in Florida. Patience knew me better than anyone, yet I obviously knew nothing about her. It hurt.

“I bought them from Phillip.” She opened her eyes and a tiny tear rolled down her cheek.

And then everything made sense. She wasn’t fucking that dude. They weren’t meeting behind closed doors for secret touches and kisses. He was her dealer. How could I have been so blind? How could I, of all people, not realize what was going on right under my nose?

“You mean you didn’t…?” I couldn’t even say the words. The thought of anyone else touching her made me sick.

“No.” I barely heard the word.

“You should’ve told me. I still would’ve kicked his ass for selling to you, but you should’ve told me.”

There was so much more I wanted to say, but I was full of mixed emotions. I was relieved to find out she wasn’t cheating on me, but I was hurt that she was still dishonest with me about the drugs. I thought we were closer than that.

She looked up at me and desperation filled her eyes. She looked weak and out of sorts, and it took everything in me not to kidnap her and take her away from the boring white walls and intrusive hospital smells.

“I wanted to be perfect for you,” she said as another tear fell. “You deserve someone perfect. I didn’t want you to know I was just another screwed-up girl. I was scared to lose you.”

I was out of my chair and on my knees in front of her. Wiping away the tear that was working its way down her face, I captured her cheeks in my hands and forced her to look at me. I wanted to see her eyes. I needed to see that the girl I loved was still in there somewhere.

“But you are perfect, snowflake. It doesn’t matter what you go through or what you’re doing, you’ll always be perfect to me because I’m in love with you and when you love someone, nothing else matters.”

She pushed her cheek into my palm and clinched her eyes shut. Using my thumb, I caressed her bottom lip. The urge to kiss it all away was so strong, but I wasn’t sure where she stood. I wanted her back. I wanted to spend the rest of my life taking care of her, but with everything that happened, I couldn’t tell what she wanted.

Finally, her eyes met mine and a tiny smile lifted the corners of her mouth.

“When I get out of here, do you promise to play for me?” Her smile got bigger and I knew she was trying to lighten the mood and be playful.

I couldn’t help myself. I laughed and moved in to kiss her. She kissed me back and threw her arms around my neck. Pulling her out of her chair, I held her close to me. It felt amazing to have her in my arms again, and I made a promise to myself in that moment that I’d never let her go again.